论文部分内容阅读
從本期开始，本专栏将连续推出“雅思写作词汇”系列。之所以推出这个系列，是因为老雅注意到，很多烤鸭对写作中应该使用什么词汇有很大的误解，认为写作中使用的词汇应该越大越好。事实上，很多雅思写作老师也持同样观点，因此在写作教学过程中让学生用所谓高级词汇替换低级词汇（比如用I reckon来代替I think），并认为这样可以获得阅卷老师的赞赏，从而获得更好的分数。
老雅并不一味反对使用高级词汇，但老雅相信无论什么词，都要在表意上准确，在风格上适切。如果用“准确”和“适切”作为衡量标准，那么对很多烤鸭来说，使用所谓高级词汇可能带来三种风险：一是拼写错误（如果由于拼写错误导致句子意思让人无法读懂，那就会导致一个大错误）;二是用法错误（词汇越高级，使用的场合越受限制）;三是文体错误（在一篇多数都是一般词汇的文章里，突然插入几个很高级的词，其结果是破坏整个文体的统一性，读起来极不协调）。
那么，雅思高分写作中，体现水平的词到底长什么样？我们先来看看《剑桥雅思》（13）中，考官对一篇7分作文使用的词所做的评价：
词汇丰富，显示出一定的准确性和灵活度，有不太常见的用词，文体正式，搭配正确。比如：complex，list of favourites，fits... my ability，specific area，many available channels。
很明显，7分作文词汇需要一定的幅度，同时需要正式的文体和正确的搭配，不能有过于口语或方言式的表达。这里顺便说一句，被很多雅思老师推崇的I reckon，在表达“I suppose/think”这个意义时，其实只是一种特定群体才用的方言，不适合用于雅思作文中。那么，“一定幅度的词汇”是指哪些词呢？看看考官举出的例子：complex、favorite、specific、available……我们发现，所谓高分词，其实不是那些吓人的词，而是一些相对不常用的普通词而已。按照老雅的估算，雅思写作高分词汇幅度大约可以定位在大学英语四级词汇表里的中高段词汇，也就是4000—5000那些词汇。
现在，我们一起看一篇剑桥雅思考官提供的雅思高分作文（加粗部分是高分词/词组）。
题目：Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a com-pulsory part of high school programmes （for example， working for a charity， improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children）. To what extent do you agree or disagree？（剑桥雅思9，Test 2）
高分范文：It has been suggested that high school students should be involved in unpaid community services as a compulsory part of high school programmes. Most of the colleges are already providing opportunities to give work experience， however these are not compulsory. In my opinion， sending students to work in community services is a good idea as it can provide them with many sorts of valuable skills.
Life skills are very important and by doing voluntary work， students can learn how to communicate with others and work in a team but also how to manage their time and improve their organizational skills. Nowadays， unfortunately， teenagers do not have many after-school activities. After-school clubs are no longer that popular and students mostly go home and sit in front of the TV， browse the Internet or play video games.
By giving them compulsory work activities with charitable or community organizations， they will be encouraged to do something more creative. Skills gained through compulsory work will not only be an asset on their CV but also increase their employability. Students will also gain more respect towards work and money as they will realise that it is not that easy to earn them and hopefully will learn to spend them in a more practical way. Healthy life and exercise are strongly promoted by the NHS， and therefore any kind of spare time charity work will prevent them from sitting and doing nothing. It could also possibly reduce the crime level in the high school age group. If students have activities to do， they will not be bored and come up with silly ideas which can be dangerous for them or their surroundings.
In conclusion， I think this is a very good idea， and I hope this programme will be put into action for high schools and colleges shortly.
大家不妨看看黑體标示出来的高分词和词组，里面并无炫酷的大词：involve、provide、valuable、organizational、browse、creative、asset、practical、promote、shortly，这些词即使在大学英语四级词汇表里，也算不上最难的词。而且这还是所谓的“9分作文”，如果烤鸭的目标仅仅是7分，还可以进一步将其中某些词简单化。比如这句：Skills gained through compulsory work will not only be an asset on their CV but also increase their employability. 如果烤鸭对asset和employability的用法不熟悉，可以将本句改为：Skills gained through compulsory work will not only be an attractive part of their CV but also help them find a job. 此外，老雅还想评论一下本范文最后一段中的“I think this is a very good idea”。很多所谓金牌雅思老师或雅思书籍上的黄金法则都告诉学生，不要用I think，不要用good， 不要用a very good idea，因为这些太简单、太口语化。但事实上，在高分范文中，类似表达并不少见。我们反对的是通篇使用这样简单的表达法（因为没有幅度），但这并不意味着这些表达法本身不能用在雅思写作中。在一篇约250个单词的作文中，有10个左右的词属于以上我们定义的高分词（即四级词汇表中的中高段词汇）就够了，其余240个词用2000左右的一般词汇就可以了。
接下来，老雅再举一个反面的例子，看频繁使用“高级词”如何损害了作文的质量（加粗部分是不合适的高级词，划线部分是语法失误之处）。
The spread of multinational companies and the resulting increase in globalization produce positive effects to everyone. Do you agree or disagree with this statement？ （2021年1月9日真题）
某机构提供的范文：The world is moving in a direction where the tentacles of cross-national corporations are reaching to all corners of the world. While this trend has been applauded by the devotees of globalization as a blessing for everyone， I will say it is a generalized opinion ignoring the discrete interests of individuals.
There seems to be reasons why the prosperity of multinational companies and the ensuing globalization is assumed beneficial to all. Those who think in this way may point to legions of advantages in daily life， whether these be job opportunities， equal accessibility to the same product from any corners of the world， or the easy to reach after sales service wherever they go. Examples regarding these including the international brands such as Dell， Apple and McDonald’s， all of which play a key role in employment and their products are becoming an imperative part in lives of various demographics. Given this， here comes the assumption that the populace is the whole beneficiary of a globalized economy. Plausible though it seems， it is difficult for me to see the veneration of a globalized business world as a blessing to all. Those who focus on its positive side of this trend are oblivious to the fact that the ramifications of any social episodes should be domain specific and context dependent. Based on this， the discussion can then move on to hand questions as to which social impacts are more desirable in the local context or what local stakeholders value more. From the perspective of local industries in developing countries， the relentless invasion of international brands may oust them from local market. To complicate matters even more， the disappearance of indigenous artefacts may jeopardize the national identity and cultural diversity in the world.
From what has been discussed above， it is my opinion therefore， the benefits of a globalized economy dominated by multinational companies do not apply to everyone.
上文看起来高大上，高级词汇满天飞，实际上用词和语法错误不断，甚至有几处让人无法读懂。整个作文读起来装腔作势（pompous），极不顺畅，根本不是现代英语的风格，倒有些接近19世纪维多利亚时代的扭捏文风（awkward style）。老雅强烈建议大家远离这样的“范文”。从用词的角度，本文使用了不少超纲词汇，比如tentacle、discrete、legions、populace、beneficiary、demographics、plausible、veneration、ramification、oust、indigenous，其中很多词汇都是误用，或让本来明确的意思变得很模糊。令人匪夷所思的是，在一篇看起来正规得拿腔拿调的作文中，突然出现一句非常口语化的“here comes the assumption that...”，读起来实在让人忍俊不禁。
[与老雅继续交流，請加微信公众号ieltswriting4u（唐老雅英语写作工作室）]
老雅并不一味反对使用高级词汇，但老雅相信无论什么词，都要在表意上准确，在风格上适切。如果用“准确”和“适切”作为衡量标准，那么对很多烤鸭来说，使用所谓高级词汇可能带来三种风险：一是拼写错误（如果由于拼写错误导致句子意思让人无法读懂，那就会导致一个大错误）;二是用法错误（词汇越高级，使用的场合越受限制）;三是文体错误（在一篇多数都是一般词汇的文章里，突然插入几个很高级的词，其结果是破坏整个文体的统一性，读起来极不协调）。
那么，雅思高分写作中，体现水平的词到底长什么样？我们先来看看《剑桥雅思》（13）中，考官对一篇7分作文使用的词所做的评价：
词汇丰富，显示出一定的准确性和灵活度，有不太常见的用词，文体正式，搭配正确。比如：complex，list of favourites，fits... my ability，specific area，many available channels。
很明显，7分作文词汇需要一定的幅度，同时需要正式的文体和正确的搭配，不能有过于口语或方言式的表达。这里顺便说一句，被很多雅思老师推崇的I reckon，在表达“I suppose/think”这个意义时，其实只是一种特定群体才用的方言，不适合用于雅思作文中。那么，“一定幅度的词汇”是指哪些词呢？看看考官举出的例子：complex、favorite、specific、available……我们发现，所谓高分词，其实不是那些吓人的词，而是一些相对不常用的普通词而已。按照老雅的估算，雅思写作高分词汇幅度大约可以定位在大学英语四级词汇表里的中高段词汇，也就是4000—5000那些词汇。
现在，我们一起看一篇剑桥雅思考官提供的雅思高分作文（加粗部分是高分词/词组）。
题目：Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a com-pulsory part of high school programmes （for example， working for a charity， improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children）. To what extent do you agree or disagree？（剑桥雅思9，Test 2）
高分范文：It has been suggested that high school students should be involved in unpaid community services as a compulsory part of high school programmes. Most of the colleges are already providing opportunities to give work experience， however these are not compulsory. In my opinion， sending students to work in community services is a good idea as it can provide them with many sorts of valuable skills.
Life skills are very important and by doing voluntary work， students can learn how to communicate with others and work in a team but also how to manage their time and improve their organizational skills. Nowadays， unfortunately， teenagers do not have many after-school activities. After-school clubs are no longer that popular and students mostly go home and sit in front of the TV， browse the Internet or play video games.
By giving them compulsory work activities with charitable or community organizations， they will be encouraged to do something more creative. Skills gained through compulsory work will not only be an asset on their CV but also increase their employability. Students will also gain more respect towards work and money as they will realise that it is not that easy to earn them and hopefully will learn to spend them in a more practical way. Healthy life and exercise are strongly promoted by the NHS， and therefore any kind of spare time charity work will prevent them from sitting and doing nothing. It could also possibly reduce the crime level in the high school age group. If students have activities to do， they will not be bored and come up with silly ideas which can be dangerous for them or their surroundings.
In conclusion， I think this is a very good idea， and I hope this programme will be put into action for high schools and colleges shortly.
大家不妨看看黑體标示出来的高分词和词组，里面并无炫酷的大词：involve、provide、valuable、organizational、browse、creative、asset、practical、promote、shortly，这些词即使在大学英语四级词汇表里，也算不上最难的词。而且这还是所谓的“9分作文”，如果烤鸭的目标仅仅是7分，还可以进一步将其中某些词简单化。比如这句：Skills gained through compulsory work will not only be an asset on their CV but also increase their employability. 如果烤鸭对asset和employability的用法不熟悉，可以将本句改为：Skills gained through compulsory work will not only be an attractive part of their CV but also help them find a job. 此外，老雅还想评论一下本范文最后一段中的“I think this is a very good idea”。很多所谓金牌雅思老师或雅思书籍上的黄金法则都告诉学生，不要用I think，不要用good， 不要用a very good idea，因为这些太简单、太口语化。但事实上，在高分范文中，类似表达并不少见。我们反对的是通篇使用这样简单的表达法（因为没有幅度），但这并不意味着这些表达法本身不能用在雅思写作中。在一篇约250个单词的作文中，有10个左右的词属于以上我们定义的高分词（即四级词汇表中的中高段词汇）就够了，其余240个词用2000左右的一般词汇就可以了。
接下来，老雅再举一个反面的例子，看频繁使用“高级词”如何损害了作文的质量（加粗部分是不合适的高级词，划线部分是语法失误之处）。
The spread of multinational companies and the resulting increase in globalization produce positive effects to everyone. Do you agree or disagree with this statement？ （2021年1月9日真题）
某机构提供的范文：The world is moving in a direction where the tentacles of cross-national corporations are reaching to all corners of the world. While this trend has been applauded by the devotees of globalization as a blessing for everyone， I will say it is a generalized opinion ignoring the discrete interests of individuals.
There seems to be reasons why the prosperity of multinational companies and the ensuing globalization is assumed beneficial to all. Those who think in this way may point to legions of advantages in daily life， whether these be job opportunities， equal accessibility to the same product from any corners of the world， or the easy to reach after sales service wherever they go. Examples regarding these including the international brands such as Dell， Apple and McDonald’s， all of which play a key role in employment and their products are becoming an imperative part in lives of various demographics. Given this， here comes the assumption that the populace is the whole beneficiary of a globalized economy. Plausible though it seems， it is difficult for me to see the veneration of a globalized business world as a blessing to all. Those who focus on its positive side of this trend are oblivious to the fact that the ramifications of any social episodes should be domain specific and context dependent. Based on this， the discussion can then move on to hand questions as to which social impacts are more desirable in the local context or what local stakeholders value more. From the perspective of local industries in developing countries， the relentless invasion of international brands may oust them from local market. To complicate matters even more， the disappearance of indigenous artefacts may jeopardize the national identity and cultural diversity in the world.
From what has been discussed above， it is my opinion therefore， the benefits of a globalized economy dominated by multinational companies do not apply to everyone.
上文看起来高大上，高级词汇满天飞，实际上用词和语法错误不断，甚至有几处让人无法读懂。整个作文读起来装腔作势（pompous），极不顺畅，根本不是现代英语的风格，倒有些接近19世纪维多利亚时代的扭捏文风（awkward style）。老雅强烈建议大家远离这样的“范文”。从用词的角度，本文使用了不少超纲词汇，比如tentacle、discrete、legions、populace、beneficiary、demographics、plausible、veneration、ramification、oust、indigenous，其中很多词汇都是误用，或让本来明确的意思变得很模糊。令人匪夷所思的是，在一篇看起来正规得拿腔拿调的作文中，突然出现一句非常口语化的“here comes the assumption that...”，读起来实在让人忍俊不禁。
[与老雅继续交流，請加微信公众号ieltswriting4u（唐老雅英语写作工作室）]