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1)Bug Spray #5
By Wes Seeliger
Our wedding was on October 14, 1996. But our marriage began three weeks later. We were dressed up and on our way to the2)swankiest restaurant in town. We had saved all week for the big3)splurge.
One problem—my bride was wearing the most horrible perfume ever manufactured. Smelled like a mixture of4)mustard gas, black pepper, and5)vaporized6)maple syrup. I still get7)queasy thinking about it.
We had stopped at a railroad crossing. It was cold outside. The windows were up and the heater was on. My nose and lungs silently begged for8)mercy. But I didn’t want to upset my bride with a comment about her perfume.
I had decided the one perfect marriage in history would be ours. No conflicts...no harsh words...no hurt feelings...no tears...nothing negative. My wife had made a similar resolution. For three weeks we had walked on egg shells, protecting each other from the slightest unpleasantness.
Dare I break the9)spell? Dare I be honest and open? She had10)soaked in that11)blasted stuff every day of our marriage. I knew I couldn’t12)hold out forever. So I said in my sweetest, softest voice, “Honey, that perfume smells like bug spray.”
Silence! Like the silence that must have followed13)President Roosevelt’s announcement that the Japanese had bombed14)Pearl Harbor. I stared straight ahead trying to concentrate on the steady15)metallic rhythm of the train cars rolling by.
I glanced at my bride out of the corner of my eye. Her lower lip was quivering slightly. The way it still does when she’s fighting a good cry. We drove on.
After an eternity she mumbled softly, “I won’t use that brand again.” Any married person can finish the story. We16)choked down our17)gourmet dinner.18)Pouted. Went through the “It’s all my fault, Honey” routine. She teared. And we finally19)reconciled, promising never to20)be cross with each other again. The whole21)episode is now part of our family22)lore. Our repertory of delightful “young and dumb” stories.
But I still think our marriage began with my observation about the perfume. At that point we began to grow. We discovered marriage is a union stronger than emotions. We began to drop the foolishness about23)unruffled24)bliss. We took our first step toward learning that one all important lesson, a lesson no one ever25)outgrows—love is a death26)resurrection relationship.
As for the perfume...I sprayed the rest on27)roaches. It worked!
我们是在1996年10月14日举行婚礼的，然而真正意义上的婚姻生活是在三个星期后才开始。那时我们穿戴整齐，驾车前往镇上最豪华的餐馆。整整一个星期我们省吃俭用，就是为了在那里美餐一顿。
但问题是：我的新娘子喷了世界上最难闻的香水。那种香水闻上去像是芥子气、黑胡椒粉和枫蜜蒸汽的混合体。我现在回想起来还想吐。
我们停在一个与铁路相交的路口。车外很冷，于是我关上车窗开暖气。我的鼻子和肺部开始无声地求救。但是我不想因为说出自己对香水的不满而坏了我新娘子的好心情。
我早已下定决心要使我们的婚姻成为历史上最完美的：没有冲突，不会恶言相向，不伤感情，不垂泪，总之没有不愉快的事情。我的妻子也下了类似的决心。三个星期以来，我们都小心翼翼，如履薄冰，以免给对方带来哪怕一丁点的不愉快。
我敢打破这层薄冰吗？我敢坦诚率直地说出来吗？结婚后的每一天她满身都是这股难闻的气味。我知道自己迟早都会受不了。于是我用最悦耳、最温柔的声音对她说：“亲爱的，你的香水闻起来像杀虫剂。”
接着是一阵沉默，就像是美国总统罗斯福宣布日本轰炸珍珠港之后紧跟着的死一般的沉寂。火车轰隆隆地驶过，我呆望着前方，试图把注意力集中在车厢规律的移动上。
我用眼角的余光偷偷瞟了我的新娘子一眼。她的下唇在微微颤抖。直到现在，每当她强忍泪水的时候，她的下唇还是会这样。我们继续向前开。
过了很久，她才轻轻地咕哝了一句：“我再也不用那个牌子的香水了。”每个已婚人士都能猜到接下来的事情。我们勉强咽下那顿丰盛美味的晚餐。她噘着嘴生气。我说着“这都是我的错，亲爱的”之类的话，照例道歉个不停。她痛哭了一场。最后我们和好了，答应不再生对方的气。现在，这件事成了我们家庭历史的一部分，“年少无知”的故事之一。
至今，我仍然认为我对她的香水的批评是我们婚姻的真正起点。那时我们才开始成长。我们发现，要维持一段婚姻，光靠感情还不够。我们开始放弃家庭永无争吵的天真想法。我们迈出学习的第一步，渐渐学会一门重要的、永无止境的学问—爱即是感情破裂的一种起死回生。
至于那瓶香水……我把剩下的都用来喷蟑螂了。确实有效！
By Wes Seeliger
Our wedding was on October 14, 1996. But our marriage began three weeks later. We were dressed up and on our way to the2)swankiest restaurant in town. We had saved all week for the big3)splurge.
One problem—my bride was wearing the most horrible perfume ever manufactured. Smelled like a mixture of4)mustard gas, black pepper, and5)vaporized6)maple syrup. I still get7)queasy thinking about it.
We had stopped at a railroad crossing. It was cold outside. The windows were up and the heater was on. My nose and lungs silently begged for8)mercy. But I didn’t want to upset my bride with a comment about her perfume.
I had decided the one perfect marriage in history would be ours. No conflicts...no harsh words...no hurt feelings...no tears...nothing negative. My wife had made a similar resolution. For three weeks we had walked on egg shells, protecting each other from the slightest unpleasantness.
Dare I break the9)spell? Dare I be honest and open? She had10)soaked in that11)blasted stuff every day of our marriage. I knew I couldn’t12)hold out forever. So I said in my sweetest, softest voice, “Honey, that perfume smells like bug spray.”
Silence! Like the silence that must have followed13)President Roosevelt’s announcement that the Japanese had bombed14)Pearl Harbor. I stared straight ahead trying to concentrate on the steady15)metallic rhythm of the train cars rolling by.
I glanced at my bride out of the corner of my eye. Her lower lip was quivering slightly. The way it still does when she’s fighting a good cry. We drove on.
After an eternity she mumbled softly, “I won’t use that brand again.” Any married person can finish the story. We16)choked down our17)gourmet dinner.18)Pouted. Went through the “It’s all my fault, Honey” routine. She teared. And we finally19)reconciled, promising never to20)be cross with each other again. The whole21)episode is now part of our family22)lore. Our repertory of delightful “young and dumb” stories.
But I still think our marriage began with my observation about the perfume. At that point we began to grow. We discovered marriage is a union stronger than emotions. We began to drop the foolishness about23)unruffled24)bliss. We took our first step toward learning that one all important lesson, a lesson no one ever25)outgrows—love is a death26)resurrection relationship.
As for the perfume...I sprayed the rest on27)roaches. It worked!
我们是在1996年10月14日举行婚礼的，然而真正意义上的婚姻生活是在三个星期后才开始。那时我们穿戴整齐，驾车前往镇上最豪华的餐馆。整整一个星期我们省吃俭用，就是为了在那里美餐一顿。
但问题是：我的新娘子喷了世界上最难闻的香水。那种香水闻上去像是芥子气、黑胡椒粉和枫蜜蒸汽的混合体。我现在回想起来还想吐。
我们停在一个与铁路相交的路口。车外很冷，于是我关上车窗开暖气。我的鼻子和肺部开始无声地求救。但是我不想因为说出自己对香水的不满而坏了我新娘子的好心情。
我早已下定决心要使我们的婚姻成为历史上最完美的：没有冲突，不会恶言相向，不伤感情，不垂泪，总之没有不愉快的事情。我的妻子也下了类似的决心。三个星期以来，我们都小心翼翼，如履薄冰，以免给对方带来哪怕一丁点的不愉快。
我敢打破这层薄冰吗？我敢坦诚率直地说出来吗？结婚后的每一天她满身都是这股难闻的气味。我知道自己迟早都会受不了。于是我用最悦耳、最温柔的声音对她说：“亲爱的，你的香水闻起来像杀虫剂。”
接着是一阵沉默，就像是美国总统罗斯福宣布日本轰炸珍珠港之后紧跟着的死一般的沉寂。火车轰隆隆地驶过，我呆望着前方，试图把注意力集中在车厢规律的移动上。
我用眼角的余光偷偷瞟了我的新娘子一眼。她的下唇在微微颤抖。直到现在，每当她强忍泪水的时候，她的下唇还是会这样。我们继续向前开。
过了很久，她才轻轻地咕哝了一句：“我再也不用那个牌子的香水了。”每个已婚人士都能猜到接下来的事情。我们勉强咽下那顿丰盛美味的晚餐。她噘着嘴生气。我说着“这都是我的错，亲爱的”之类的话，照例道歉个不停。她痛哭了一场。最后我们和好了，答应不再生对方的气。现在，这件事成了我们家庭历史的一部分，“年少无知”的故事之一。
至今，我仍然认为我对她的香水的批评是我们婚姻的真正起点。那时我们才开始成长。我们发现，要维持一段婚姻，光靠感情还不够。我们开始放弃家庭永无争吵的天真想法。我们迈出学习的第一步，渐渐学会一门重要的、永无止境的学问—爱即是感情破裂的一种起死回生。
至于那瓶香水……我把剩下的都用来喷蟑螂了。确实有效！