For six years, every time the neighbors asked Zhang Yi where her son was, Zhang would force a smile and say her son was abroad.
　　But Zhang knows her son will never come back as he died of a heart attack at the age of 23. After his death, Zhang cut all her connections to her co-workers and friends and moved from Beijing’s downtown to the suburbs with her husband.
　　“Nobody knew us in this new community, and we hoped it would help,” Zhang said. She spent most of her time indoors trying to come to terms with her loss, but found the new living environment wasn’t as helpful as thought. Her hair quickly turned gray and she refused to talk to anybody, even her relatives.
　　“I lost my only son,” Zhang said. “I believed that I must be the most unfortunate person in the world.”
　　 A wakeup call
　　 Things changed in 2009, when the Zhanlanlu Community, Zhang’s former neighborhood in Beijing’s Xicheng District, held an activity for parents who had lost children.
　　It was a trip to the suburbs, which proved largely unsuccessful. “More than 20 people participated but nobody was happy and willing to talk. The atmosphere was silent and miserable,” Zhang said.
　　Despite this setback, the community decided to proceed with the project they named New Hope Home.
　　“We actually started these activities in 2004,” said Gao Hongyan, an official from the community. “At first we just wanted to hold some get-togethers for parents who lost their children, but gradually we found out the group was large and most of them still live in great sorrow even after more than 20 years. We finally decided to initiate this as a formal project.”
　　The community then designated a room in the office for parents with similar experiences to communicate.
　　According to Gao, the project initially had 84 participants from 57 households, but few of them were willing to attend meetings.
　　Zhang initially refused to go there because she saw no benefits from such meetings. “I didn’t think other people could really understand our feelings,” said Zhang, who finally accepted the invitation because “community workers never gave up trying to persuade me to go.”
　　When Zhang arrived, she said, there were less than five people there and the atmosphere was awkward. People either kept silent or started to cry as soon as they began telling their stories.
　　Despite this, Zhang’s first visit made her feel less lonely. She visited again and began to make friends. Gradually she began to visit more and more often.
　　Li Ru, whose 17-year-old son died in a fire accident, used to be Zhang’s neighbor, but they didn’t know each other until they met in the New Hope Home.
　　Li couldn’t forget the night when she permitted her son to stay over at a classmate’s home, where a fire broke out at midnight and killed her son. Since then, she never stopped blaming herself for this “unforgivable mistake.”
　　“I haven’t smiled at all after my son’s death,” Li said. “My eyes are always filled with tears and I struggle to have a normal conversation.”
　　Tian Jing’s situation is different. She barely knew her daughter. In 1988, the then 30-year-old Tian gave birth to a daughter, but seven days after the birth, the girl died following a medical accident. After that Tian was unable to get pregnant and her husband divorced her.
　　“Each of us, before coming here, regarded ourselves as the most unfortunate person in the world,” Zhang said. “But here we realize there are others like us. We are all afraid of festivals and holidays and listening to other people talking about their children. In the eyes of other people we are just the objects of sympathy.”
　　 Group communication
　　 According to Gao, people participating in activities of the New Hope Home are mostly from the first group of parents subjected to the“one-child” policy.
　　Formulated in the late 1970s to curb population explosion, China’s family planning policy encourages late marriage and late childbearing, and limits most urban couples to one child and most rural couples to two. The policy is therefore often referred to as the“one-child policy” among urbanities.
　　“The pain of losing a single child is extremely huge.” Gao said. “When we visited them before initiating this project, we found most of them were still in deep sorrow. Now, they are all in their 50s and 60s. Who is going to take care of them when they grow older and how? This is a concern for our community and we hope we can help them through this project.”
　　The Zhanlanlu Community’s project is the first of its kind in Beijing. After its launch, many other communities have come to visit the New Hope Home and are preparing their own initiatives.
　　“These parents need more communication,” said Gao. “As long as they find the right channel, they’ll become more open.”
　　With more people joining the New Hope Home project, in 2011, the community moved the facility to a 150-square-meter house nearby and spent months on renovation and decoration. On the walls of the home hang photographs taken by its participants. The room is divided into different parts, including a cooking area, a dining room, a reading room, a computer room and even a games room.
　　“I saw the members change during the decoration process,” Gao said, “Some who were reluctant before would now give suggestions for the decoration.”
　　After the new facility reopened, more people dropped in and about 50 became regular visitors. Organizers have held various activities and even organized a choir. Every Tuesday, the singing group gathers.
　　Zhao Hua, a member of the choir, used to be a primary school teacher. Her child died from cancer and her husband then divorced her.
　　“For a long time, I couldn’t see the point of being alive and thought of committing suicide many times,” Zhao said. “But here I can share this sorrow with people who have similar experiences, and I feel much better than before.”
　　Now the participants seldom discuss sad stories from the past. Newly established friendships have given them something new to discuss and even if somebody does bring up the past, others listen silently for a while and then switch the topic.
　　“We don’t want to stay in the past,” Zhao said. “We have to accept the facts and move on. I knew this but couldn’t manage to move on until I came here. I am a terrible singer but I enjoy singing in the choir so much.”
　　Zhang visits the New Hope Home at least twice every week. “I see other participants more than my relatives. We cook together often and we now have many memories from the past two years,” she said.
　　Zhang said that she has spent more time dressing herself and looking after her health and appearance. “It is a good sign,” Gao said.“They pay more attention to their lives rather than living in the past.”
　　Now more women participate in New Hope Home’s activities than men. “It might be because men don’t open up to other people as readily. But we really hope both men and women will come and try the facility,” Gao said.
　　“Taking the first step is hard,” said Zhang, who said she occasionally saw hesitant strangers wandering around the New Hope Home. “Every time we have a new visitor, I am happy, because another person can take the same positive steps we have taken.”
　　 Concerns of future
　　 Now there are 101 participants from 71 households in the New Hope Home. “This is just one community,” Gao said. “In Xicheng District alone, there are more than 500 such households with parents over 49 years who have lost their only child.”
　　Over the past two years, the community invested more than 1 million yuan ($158,730) in this project. “All the investment comes from public funds,” said Gao.
　　“So money is not the concern of the project,” Gao said. “The concern is that most of the participants are over 50 years old and they are deteriorating in the ability to take care of themselves.”
　　The Beijing Municipal Government provides 200 yuan ($32) every month for each person over 49 who has lost their only child.“But it is far from what they need,” Gao said.
　　Tian has high blood pressure. On one occasion when her maximum systolic blood pressure reached 190 mmHg, she went to see the doctor alone. The doctor was angry and asked, “Where are your kids? How could they let you come here alone?”
　　Tian didn’t tell the doctor her situation. But she later told the story at a meeting in the New Hope Home, “I am afraid that even if I pass away, nobody will even know that I have died for quite a few days.”
　　But not all the people are so pessimistic.
　　“I believe we will be taken care of well when we get older,” said Zhang, who revealed her next plan is to travel long distances and see more of the country and the planet.