对地方A不满意,我们想逃到理想的地方B。这种愿望,是我们的人生不断轮回的一个关键原因。因为,理想化的B是从A中生出的,它们其实是一回事。譬如,一个男子,对情绪化的妈妈不满,于是生出理想——找一个特别有控制能力的理想女子。最终,他如愿以偿,找到了一个特别自控的女子。但他发现,他自己变得越来越情绪化,因为他只有通过这样做,才能打破这个女子的防御,进入她的世界。其实,被他理想化的自控和情绪化是一回事。这个女子,原来有一个特别情绪化的爸爸,她讨厌爸爸的情绪化,拒绝向爸爸认同,于是变成了一个极其自控的人。然而,她太自控了,她压抑自己的情绪了,因此令正常的交流变得很困难,只有一个特别 Not satisfied with the place A, we want to escape to the ideal place B. This desire is a key reason for the constant reincarnation of our lives. Because the idealized B is born from A, they are actually the same thing. For example, a man, dissatisfied with an emotional mother, gives birth to an ideal - to find an ideal woman with particular control. Eventually, he got his wish and found a woman who was especially self-controlled. But he found himself becoming more and more emotional, because only by doing so would he be able to break the woman’s defenses and enter her world. In fact, his idealized self-control and emotionalization are the same thing. The woman, who originally had a particularly emotional father, hates his father’s emotionalization and refuses to identify with his father, turns out to be an extremely self-controlled person. However, she was too self-controlled and she suppressed her emotions, thus making normal communication difficult, with only one special