漫画作文巧升格

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  2013年《江苏高考英语考试说明》指出:书面表达的考查是要求考生根据所给情景用英语写一篇150个单词左右的短文,提供情景的形式如图表、图画……等。看图作文的“图”不局限于某一类型的图,如漫画、广告画,也包括其他图画、照片等。从近几年命题趋势来看,图画作文的概率较大,因为图画的选材更灵活,具有不可猜测性,有利于凸显高考的公平性。漫画是一种典型的图画形式,具有丰富的内涵,是一种直观、形象、新颖的反映社会生活动态的情景材料。漫画作文不仅要求考生具有较强的用英语传递信息和表达思想的能力,更要求考生具有较强的读图、解意、谋篇的能力。因此,漫画作文是要求最高的一种考查形式,我们必须高度重视,有备无患。
  根据以下示例,我们来谈谈如何打造一篇高质量的漫画作文。
  一些家长认为没有什么比孩子的教育更重要,为此采取了一系列的措施,他们的做法引起了诸多争论。请你结合下面的漫画,以Parental Expectations为题写一篇短文。
  注意:
  1. 对漫画进行简要的描述;
  2. 谈谈这一现象产生的原因以及你对这一现象的看法;
  3. 词数150左右。
  解题攻略:
  第一步,读图(Topic)。
  1. 研读图画,找准主题。漫画的标题(有时没有),即题目,往往告知或暗示漫画的主题思想。这幅漫画的题目“Parental Expectations”是文章的眼睛,即主题。
  2. 观察画面,捕捉细节。画面中的细节是漫画各“因素”构成的情景,包括父母、孩子、大书包、各种学习用品等。
  3. 联系内容,分析寓意。图画中的父母亲正在源源不断地向书包里添加各种学习用品,奖杯等,高度近视的小孩被压得喘不过气来。巨大的书包,正是夸张之处,也是漫画的弦外之音,揭示漫画的寓意:父母的高期望值和对孩子的过大的压力。
  第二步,解意(Theme)。
  1. 辨明褒贬,找准角度。对父母的思想和行为应当持批判态度,切中要害。
  2. 挖掘内涵,形成观点。简要分析形成该现象的原因,列举解决问题的做法。
  第三步,谋篇(Organization)。
  1. 描述图画(第一段)。简明扼要、恰如其分地描述图画内容(发现问题)。
  2. 阐述原因(第二段)。结合主题,有针对性地陈述客观原因(分析问题)。
  3. 列举措施(第三段)。联系实际,合理有效地提供具体做法(解决问题)。
  我们在认真审题完成初稿后,至少还要做两件事:
  1.“求正确”,即:改正基本的错误。例如:单词拼写错误,时态、语态、句式结构等语法错误,标点符号错误等。
  2.“求完美”,即:做些润饰工作。例如:语言地道自然,适当运用高级词汇,运用多样化的句型,力求语篇衔接连贯,增加一些点缀性的副词等。
  现以学生习作Parental Expectations一文点评如下。
  Parental Expectations
  原文
  Nowadays, more and more parents have great expectations for our children.
  As is vividly shown in the picture, a boy is burdened with a big schoolbag full of so many equipments for study, so he can not breath. However, though the boy is tired and miserable, his parents still pushed him to acquire some more skills.
  This picture is common, which has arisen social concern. There are many reasons account for it. To begin with, many parents insist that nothing is more important than good education. Besides, they think that only by developing children in an allround way they can ensure their future.
  As far as Im concerned, we students should work hard. Therefore, its necessary for us to study and entertain. Without good health, freedom and happiness, we will not be able to learn well. So its high time to reduce childrens heavy burdens from schools, society and parents. So we will we develop proper.
  修改第一稿(求正确)Nowadays, more and more parents have great expectations for ① our us children.
  As is vividly shown in the picture, a boy is burdened with a big schoolbag full of so ② many equipments much equipment for study, so he can not ③ breath breathe. However, though the boy is tired and miserable, his parents ④ are still pushed pushing him to acquire some more skills.   This picture is common, which has ⑤ arisen aroused social concern. There are many reasons ⑥ account accounting for it. To begin with, many parents insist that nothing ⑦ is should be more important than good education. Besides, they think that only by developing children in an allround way ⑧ they can can they ensure their future.
  As far as Im concerned, we students should work hard. ⑨ Therefore Nevertheless, its necessary for us to study and 1① us是介词for的宾语,children是us的同位语。our children是汉式英语,有歧义,表示我们的孩子。
  ② equipment是不可数名词,用much来修饰。
  ③ breath是名词,breathe是动词作谓语。
  ④ 漫画展示的是社会现象,一般用现在时态,此处用现在进行时显得惟妙惟肖。
  ⑤ arise是不及物动词,表示“升起、出现”;arouse是及物动词,表示“唤起”。
  ⑥ accounting for是现在分词短语,作reasons的定语。
  ⑦ insist表示“坚持认为”,宾语从句要用虚拟语气,其谓语是(should) be。
  ⑧ only修饰介词短语放在句首,句子要用部分倒装。
  ⑨ Therefore 表示“因此”,Nevertheless表示entertain. Without good health, freedom and happiness, we will not be able to learn well. So its high time to reduce childrens heavy burdens from schools, society and parents. So we will we develop ⑩ proper properly.1“然而”,此处与前一句构成转折意义。
  ⑩ 用副词properly修饰谓语动词develop。修改第二稿(求完美)Nowadays, more and more parents have great expectations for us children.
  As is vividly shown in the picture, ① a boy is burdened with a big heavy schoolbag full of so much equipment for study, so he a boy with thick glasses can not hardly breathe freely. However, ② though the boy is tired and miserable as the boy is, his parents are still pushing him to acquire some more skills.
  This picture ③ is common mirrors a common phenomenon, which has aroused social concern. There are many reasons accounting for it. To begin with, many parents insist that nothing should be more important than good education. Besides, they ④ think hold the opinion that only by developing children in an allround way can they ensure their ⑤ smooth future.
  As far as Im concerned, ⑥ there is no denying that we students should work hard. Nevertheless, its ⑦ necessary essential for us to keep a balance between study and entertain entertainment. Without good health, freedom and happiness, we ⑧ will would not be able to learn well efficiently. So its high time ⑨ to reduce that we reduced childrens heavy burdens from schools, society and parents. ⑩ So we will No one can deny that only in this way will we develop properly.
  1① burdened with…是过去分词短语作状语;heavy比big更形象准确;添加with thick glasses映衬主题;hardly和freely是副词,具有点缀作用;这样修改,对漫画的描述显得概括凝炼,维妙维肖,入木三分。
  ② adj. + as + 主语 + 谓语,倒装结构表示让步。
  ③ mirrors a common phenomenon反映了一种社会现象,措词高级。
  ④ hold the opinion更能显示父母亲根深蒂固的观点,opinion后成了同位语从句。
  ⑤ 添加smooth, 表示前途光明。
  ⑥ there is no denying that表示“不可否认”,相比后文,显得欲扬先抑。
  ⑦ essential是高级词汇;添加keep a balance between,表达更到位,更准确。
  ⑧ 因为without而用虚拟语气;efficiently表示“有效地”。
  ⑨ its high time that后接虚拟语气,谓语动词用reduced或者should reduce。
  ⑩ 经过这样修改,总结文章更有震撼力;No one can deny 双重否定,only in this way will we是倒装。(作者:汪建华,南通大学附属中学)
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