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张 敏
Here is a photo of my family. Look！ This is my grandpa. His name is Paul Brown. This is my grandma. Her name is Jenny Brown. They are in Shanghai. These are my parents， Frank Brown and Linda Brown. My dad is 40. My mom is 38. These are my brothers， Bob Brown and Alan Brown. They’re in school. These are my sisters， Alice Brown and Gina Brown. They are in school， too. That is my uncle. His name is Mike Brown. This is my uncle’s wife. Her name is Sally Brown. My uncle has a son. My aunt has a daughter. And those are my cousins， Jane Brown and Jack Brown. Jane Brown is 9. Jack Brown is 7.
彭梦玲老师点评：
此篇习作是小作者在七年级一期刚学完家庭成员名词表达时写的。本文人物关系介绍正确，条理清晰，“my， her，they”等形容词性物主代词运用恰当， “this， that， these， those”等人称代词切换自如，并能注意到单复数的区别。小作者能综合运用所学句型与词组，如 “Look！”， “This is...” ， “That is...” ， “These are...”和 “Those are...”等，还能运用许多不同的人名， 如Paul Brown， Jenny Brown 等。本文最大的优点是跳出了平铺直叙的圈子，文章中对人物关系的介绍不只是停留在姓名和人物关系上，还适当地点到了他们的年龄，给文章增添了更多的内容，使其更具有可读性。
不过，受知识水平的限制，句式较为单一，罗列人物关系也有生硬之嫌。整篇文章的连贯性不是很强。特作修改如下，使此文更加准确生动。
参考范文
Here is a photo of my family. Look！ This is my grandpa. His name is Paul Brown. And the old woman next to him is my grandma， Jenny Brown. They are in Shanghai now. The couple in the middle of the photo are my parents， Frank Brown and Linda Brown. My dad is 40 while my mom is 38. Who are these two boys？ They are my brothers， Bob Brown and Alan Brown. They like playing basketball very much. The two girls behind my brothers， Alice Brown and Gina Brown， are my sisters. They are in school， too. Do you know the young man in green？ He’s my uncle， Mike Brown. And the lady on his left is his wife， Sally Brown. They have a son and a daughter， Jack Brown and Jane Brown. Jane Brown is 9 and Jack Brown is 7. I love my family very much. Thank you！
Here is a photo of my family. Look！ This is my grandpa. His name is Paul Brown. This is my grandma. Her name is Jenny Brown. They are in Shanghai. These are my parents， Frank Brown and Linda Brown. My dad is 40. My mom is 38. These are my brothers， Bob Brown and Alan Brown. They’re in school. These are my sisters， Alice Brown and Gina Brown. They are in school， too. That is my uncle. His name is Mike Brown. This is my uncle’s wife. Her name is Sally Brown. My uncle has a son. My aunt has a daughter. And those are my cousins， Jane Brown and Jack Brown. Jane Brown is 9. Jack Brown is 7.
彭梦玲老师点评：
此篇习作是小作者在七年级一期刚学完家庭成员名词表达时写的。本文人物关系介绍正确，条理清晰，“my， her，they”等形容词性物主代词运用恰当， “this， that， these， those”等人称代词切换自如，并能注意到单复数的区别。小作者能综合运用所学句型与词组，如 “Look！”， “This is...” ， “That is...” ， “These are...”和 “Those are...”等，还能运用许多不同的人名， 如Paul Brown， Jenny Brown 等。本文最大的优点是跳出了平铺直叙的圈子，文章中对人物关系的介绍不只是停留在姓名和人物关系上，还适当地点到了他们的年龄，给文章增添了更多的内容，使其更具有可读性。
不过，受知识水平的限制，句式较为单一，罗列人物关系也有生硬之嫌。整篇文章的连贯性不是很强。特作修改如下，使此文更加准确生动。
参考范文
Here is a photo of my family. Look！ This is my grandpa. His name is Paul Brown. And the old woman next to him is my grandma， Jenny Brown. They are in Shanghai now. The couple in the middle of the photo are my parents， Frank Brown and Linda Brown. My dad is 40 while my mom is 38. Who are these two boys？ They are my brothers， Bob Brown and Alan Brown. They like playing basketball very much. The two girls behind my brothers， Alice Brown and Gina Brown， are my sisters. They are in school， too. Do you know the young man in green？ He’s my uncle， Mike Brown. And the lady on his left is his wife， Sally Brown. They have a son and a daughter， Jack Brown and Jane Brown. Jane Brown is 9 and Jack Brown is 7. I love my family very much. Thank you！