和尚鹦鹉,偷心的侠盗王子

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   Quaker parrots are thieves! They try to steal your Hershey Kisses, and before you know it, they have stolen your heart instead.
   My husband and I sat down to what we thought was mundane TV for the evening. But little did we know, we would receive a spark that would change our lives forever. We were watching PBS as they were explaining the finer points of owning parrots. They were all so fascinating, I squealed with delight. My husband took notice.
   It was two days before Christmas of 1998. My husband brought in a large package. I opened it. I said, “Why...it’s a bird cage,” incredulously. I took all the paper off. My stepson Bob handed me a little brown box that was gently in motion! The tears are coming to my eyes even now as I remember the scene. I opened the box and the cutest little green bird you’d ever seen sweetly said, “Step up?” And he came out quickly onto my hand and ran up my sleeve! My life has never been the same since. We named him Patrick O’Brien because he looked Irish and after all, he was green.
   Once everything was in place and he was safely in his cage with food and water and toys, he was not in any particular mood to be friendly. I could hear Paddy talking to himself, “Pretty bird? Are you talking to me?” I decided to just give him a little time. But I decided that I have to assert myself and be the boss.
   After Christmas, I got Paddy out of his cage and placed him on a little swing. There were times when I was boiling water or cooking, that I didn’t want Paddy in the kitchen. Then Paddy would give out the most bloodcurdling squawk! I let out a loud squawk and wondered what would happen. After a while, Paddy began to try to imitate my squawk. It was hilarious. So now, when he is too loud, I’ll just squawk and then he will imitate me and it will be a softer aakk. After all, he doesn’t want to make loud noises. He just wants my attention. Sometimes he starts with his wolf whistle. I just whistle back and he is happy to know I’m still in the house.
   Quakers are such inquisitive little creatures. Paddy loves to sing along with Lawrence Welk and flips his little wings to the music and sways. He learned to say “pretty bird” and peek a boo. He also learned to say “good bird”.
   Once while in the bathroom, Paddy fell into the wastebasket full of Kleenex. I picked him up immediately and he said, “Thank you!” He never learned that from me. But he knows when to say “thank you”.
   One day we were on our way to the sink for our bath and Paddy decided he didn’t want a bath. He flew clear through the house and into the piano room. I chased him all the way. As he was breezing past my husband’s head, he said, “Maybe it’s time to have his wings clipped.” So his yearly checkup came early that first year and we had his wings clipped.    When I got Paddy home, he sat on his cage and would not speak. Birds need a few days to pout. They can’t fly and their toenails have been filed so they can’t hold on good. They are upset. Not to worry. In a few days, they will be back to normal.
   Paddy is a party bird! He loves to mingle among the guests! He wows the crowd with his usual verbal fare The second Christmas here was in 2000. I was yelling for everyone to “come in”. By the time the very last guest had come, Paddy ran across his cage and yelled, “Come in!”One day my husband wanted a cup of coffee. He told Paddy to say “Phyllis, come here”. From then on, he turned “come in” into “come here”. After a few weeks, my husband started adding, “Phyllis, come here, drink, drink.” So, somehow, after a period of time, we started having decaf at 5pm every day. (Paddy would always know when it was 5pm!) He would start saying “drink, drink”. Husbands are a bad influence!
   My day starts something like this: “Phyllis, Phyllis, sweetheart, come here, come here!” If I don’t drag myself out of bed, Paddy climbs down to the floor and walks into the bedroom and crawls up the blanket, gets on my shoulder and says “Good morning” right in my ear!
   Paddy usually goes to bed early. When Paddy is ready to go to his hut, he walks up to my chin and bumps it. I say, “You wanna go nitenite?” He says, “Good night!” So I take him over so he can say goodnight to my husband. Then I say goodnight and he goes into his hut. Then he says“gimme a kiss” and I do and turn off most of the lights.
   But if we have gone out for dinner, Paddy will be on the top of his cage when we get back ready for a handout. And it behooves me to make sure I have brought something home! There’ll be the devil to pay if I didn’t!
   Holidays are a nightmare (not really). It’s just that Paddy can’t seem to understand why the kids get all the candy and he can’t have any! He tries to run down my sleeve and steal a piece. He loves to sit on my shoulder at Halloween and have the kids reach in the bowl for the candy. They say “Is that a real bird?” and Paddy says “Goodbye!” When anyone says“I’ve got to go”, Paddy says “Goodbye!” He is hilarious. This year after Christmas, Paddy and I gave our rendition of We Wish You a Merry Christmas. I sang “Weeee...wish you a Merry...” Then I paused and Paddy sang “Christmas”. He did that 3 times and then I sang “and a happy new year”. We were a hit!
   So, as you can see, my life Pre-bird was almost a breeze, but it wasn’t nearly as rewarding. Now even my husband talks gentler to me after spending years talking gentle to this loving little creature. You get a whole new perspective on life after having known a Quaker, the Prince of Thieves.    和尚鹦鹉都是小偷!它们企图偷走你的好时巧克力,不知不觉地,还偷走了你的心。
   我和丈夫坐下来看再平常不过的晚间档电视节目。但当时我们都没想到,我们会由此产生一个永久地改变我们生活的念头。我们在收看美国公共电视台,节目在讲养鹦鹉的好处。电视上的鹦鹉看起来都那么迷人,我欢快地尖叫起来。我丈夫注意到了。
   1998年圣诞节的前两天,我丈夫带回一个大包裹。我打开它,不解地说:“怎么……是一只鸟笼。”我把包装纸都拆掉了。我的继子递给我一个在微微晃动的棕色小盒子!即使到了现在,我想起来当时的情景,眼睛也会湿润。我打开了盒子,我所见过最可爱的一只小绿鸟儿甜甜地说:“走近一点?”然后它快速地走到我的手上,跳到了我的袖子上!自那以后我的生活就再也不同于以往了。我们给它起名为帕特里克·奥布莱恩,毕竟它是绿色的,看起来像爱尔兰裔。
   所有东西都布置妥当后,它安然地在自己的笼子里,笼子里有食物,有水,有玩具,但它却完全没有想表现友好的意思。我听到帕迪在自言自语道:“美鸟儿?你在和我说话吗?”我决定给它一点时间。但我又决定摆出姿态,宣示权威。
   圣诞节后,我把帕迪从笼子里放出来,把它安置在一个小秋千上。有时候我在煮开水或者做饭,就不想让帕迪进厨房。然后帕迪就会发出最令人毛骨悚然的粗厉叫声!我也大声地尖叫一下看它会有什么反应。过了一会儿,帕迪开始试着模仿我的尖叫。这很滑稽。所以现在,如果它太吵了,我就会尖叫一声,然后它会模仿我,声音就变成柔声的“啊克”了。毕竟它也不想制造很大的噪音,只是想吸引我的注意。有时候它吹起挑逗的口哨,我也吹口哨回应一声,它知道我还在屋子里,就安心了。
   和尚鹦鹉是好奇心很重的小动物。帕迪喜欢跟着劳伦斯·韦尔克的歌曲唱和,还会跟着节奏轻轻扇动翅膀,摇晃身体。它学会了说“美鸟儿”,学会了捉迷藏。它还学会了说“好鸟儿”。
   有一次在浴室里的时候,帕迪掉进了满是面巾纸的垃圾桶里。我马上把它捡出来,它说“谢谢你!”我从没教过它这个,但它知道什么时候该说“谢谢你”。
   一天,我正要去水槽给帕迪洗澡,而帕迪决定不要洗澡。它径直飞过屋子,飞到钢琴房里。我一路追着它。当它轻快地掠过我丈夫的头顶,我丈夫说:“也许是时候给它修剪翅膀了。”所以它一年一度的健康检查在饲养的第一年就提前了,我们带它去修剪了翅膀。
   我把帕迪带回到家时,它坐在笼子顶不说话。鸟儿赌气是需要花个几天的。此时的鹦鹉失去飞翔的能力,脚趾甲又被锉平了不能站稳,会很沮丧。不要担心,过几天鸟儿就会恢复正常的状态了。
   帕迪是只聚会狂鸟!它喜欢和客人打交道!它用自己一贯的好口才引得众人惊叹连连。它在这过的第二个圣诞是在2000年。我在大声招呼大家“进来”。当最后一位客人到达时,帕迪跑过自己的笼子喊着:“进来!”一天,我丈夫想要一杯咖啡,就教帕迪说“菲莉丝,过来”。从那时起,帕迪就把“进来”改口为“过来”。过了几周,我丈夫开始多教帕迪一点:“菲莉丝,過来,来点喝的。”所以不知怎么地,过了一段时间,我们开始在每天下午5:00喝脱因咖啡。(5点一到,帕迪总是知晓!)它会开始说“来点喝的”。都是丈夫带坏了它!
   我的一天是这样开始的:“菲莉丝,菲莉丝,亲爱的,过来,过来!”如果我不把自己从床上拽起来,帕迪就会走到地上,走进房间,爬上毯子,站到我的肩膀上对着我的耳朵说“早上好”!
   晚上帕迪通常早睡。当它准备好回去自己的小屋,它会走到我下巴跟前撞我的下巴。我说:“你想睡觉觉吗?”它说:“晚安!”我就把它带到我丈夫面前让它跟我丈夫说晚安。然后我道了晚安,它就走进小屋。然后它说“亲我一下”,我就亲它一下,再关掉大部分电灯。
   如果我和家人在外面吃晚饭,帕迪就会在笼子顶上等着我们回来给它分食物。这让我感觉自己回家时理应记得给它带吃的。而如果没带,我就有大麻烦了!
   节假日真是梦魇(不是说真的啦)。只是帕迪好像没法明白为什么小孩子能得到所有糖果,而它却一点都不能吃!它会试图从我的袖子跑下去偷一块。万圣节时,它喜欢坐在我肩膀上,看着小孩子伸手进碗里拿糖果。孩子们问“那是只真鸟吗?”,然后帕迪回答“再见!”当有人说“我得走了”,帕迪会说“再见!”它很滑稽。今年圣诞节过后,帕迪和我一起表演《我们祝你圣诞快乐》。我唱“我们——祝你……”,然后我停顿,帕迪接着唱“圣诞快乐”。它这样重复了3次,然后我唱“和新年快乐”。我们俩大受欢迎!
   因此,你们会发现,养鸟前我的生活可谓过得轻松,但却完全不像现在这样益处多多。多年来,我丈夫因为习惯温柔地和这只可爱的小生灵对话,现在他连跟我说话都更温柔了。认识了一只偷心的侠盗鹦鹉王子以后,你会以全新的角度看待生活。
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