国内外研究中国人关系的成果很多,但极少有人研究拉关系失败的细节及其原因。基于2012年至2014年在两个城市中所开展的关于找关系入学的民族志研究发现,导致拉关系失败的原因大多与关系的亲疏以及与行动者如何处理人情往来有关。由于关系太疏远,受托人帮忙的动力太小,拉关系就很难成功。并且,由于不同亲疏关系的互动原则不同,行动者若没能处理好这些原则就可能导致拉关系失败,这其中最重要的原则就是人情伦理,它是混合道德责任、情感依附和理性算计的传统社会规范。不同个体间社会资本的差异与行动者运用互动仪式的能力有很大的关联,如何做到人情练达并自如处理不同亲疏的原则就成了拉关系的关键。 At home and abroad, there have been many achievements in studying the relations between Chinese people, but very few people have studied the details of the failure of the relations and their reasons. Based on ethnographic studies of relationship enrollment in two cities between 2012 and 2014, it was found that the reasons that led to the failure of the La relations relationship are mostly related to the closeness of the relationship and how the actors deal with the human relations. Because the relationship is too distant, the trustee’s motivation is too small, pulling relations is very difficult to succeed. And because the principle of interaction between different spouses is different, if the actors fail to handle these principles, they may lead to the failure of the relationship. The most important principle is the ethics of human beings. It is a traditional society that mixes moral responsibility, emotional attachment and rational calculation specification. The differences in social capital among different individuals have a lot to do with the ability of actors to use interactive rituals. How to accomplish the principle that human benevolence can freely handle different relationships between husband and wife becomes the key to the relationship.