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文/张小失
我诚挚地告诉太太：我快30岁了，已经比较懂事了，决不会乱花钱，尤其不会买棒棒糖或打游戏机。请发给我10块钱吧，好让那只空钱包蓬荜生辉。
太太温存地教导我说：真正的男子汉，会为10元小钱在别人面前哀求吗？同样作为男人的美国总统、英国首相，他们会关心钱包里是否有10元钱吗？
我就羞红了脸，但是，我还是希望得到10元钱，因为我需要一条劣质香烟。
太太又谆谆教诲：吸烟有害健康——这是举世公认的真理，连烟厂都不忌讳。难道我会违心地给你10元钱购买疾病吗？否！
我恶狠狠地瞪着书橱说：当我在路上遇见一位可敬的上司，难道不该给他献上一支劣质香烟吗？！
太太妩媚地笑了：这么说，我就更不该给你。任何一位上司吸过你那劣质香烟，都会在心中留下你那劣质印象，于前途不利。
我忿忿地说：非也！
我的每一位上司都熟知我的底细！他们常常取笑我说：小失啊，你总是骗我们的“红塔山”抽，却从不见你回赠一支，哪怕是一支劣质香烟！难道你太太连10元救济款都不能按月发放吗？
太太摆摆手，那时你该反问他们：难道你们抽的高档香烟钱——都是太太按月发放的私款？
我哑口无言。太太又说：在我们家庭，已初步实现共产主义。你衣食无忧，亦无需亲自洗衣、做饭，每天上好班、读好书、写好文章、当好白领、做好“小资”——自由自在、无忧无虑，天塌下来，有我顶着，何乐而不为呢？
我暴跳如雷：快给我10块钱！
太太凛然指向门外：我不喜欢噪音。
我扭头冲出门去，丢下一句话：我、会、回、来、的！
太太紧接一句：有本事你就别回来！
I ask my wife in sincerity: Give me ten Yuan to bulge my wallet. I am approaching thirty and sensible enough not to waste money on lollipop or playing video games.
She tries to persuade me in her soft voice: Will a man plead with his loved one for only ten Yuan? The American President is a man, so is the British Prime Minister. Does either one care if he has ten dollars in his wallet?
I blush with shame. However I still hope I have that money to buy a carton of low quality cigarettes.
She starts instructing me again: It＇s an acknowledged truth and even tobacco companies openly admit that cigarette smoking is harmful for your health. Do you think I＇ll give you the money against my will to allow you to smoke yourself sick? No, I＇ll never do that!
Fixing my eyes on the bookcase, I say angrily: Shouldn＇t I offer an inferior cigarette to my superior whom I meet with on the way?
She charmingly smiles: If that is the case, I have better reason not to give you that money. I must stop you from doing anything that may ruin your prospects. Any superior who smokes your inferior cigarette will certainly have the impression that you are as inferior as your cigarette.
Enraged, I explain: No, you are wrong. Each of my superiors knows me very well. They often tease me: You always take our superior cigarettes but never give us one, not even a low quality cigarette! If your wife provides for you the relief fund every month, can＇t she do it in time?
Waving her hand to express disagreement, she retorts: Shouldn＇t you ask each of your superiors if he smokes high quality cigarettes just because he receives his wife＇s private saving in time every month?
I can＇t say a word. She goes on: A communist system is basically established in our family. You are offered with food and clothes. You needn＇t cook or wash your clothes. But you have your role to play and you should play well. As a white color worker and a petty bourgeois, you go to office to read and write articles every day, free from care and anxiety, and you enjoy a leisurely life. Even if the sky falls down, I＇ll push it up from below. What＇s the sense of not doing that?
In a fury I shout: Give me ten Yuan. Be quick.
Pointing to the outside she says sternly: I don＇t like noise.
I turn round and dash out leaving a word for her: I＇ll Come Back.
In retort she says: Don＇t come back if you are an able, courageous man.
我诚挚地告诉太太：我快30岁了，已经比较懂事了，决不会乱花钱，尤其不会买棒棒糖或打游戏机。请发给我10块钱吧，好让那只空钱包蓬荜生辉。
太太温存地教导我说：真正的男子汉，会为10元小钱在别人面前哀求吗？同样作为男人的美国总统、英国首相，他们会关心钱包里是否有10元钱吗？
我就羞红了脸，但是，我还是希望得到10元钱，因为我需要一条劣质香烟。
太太又谆谆教诲：吸烟有害健康——这是举世公认的真理，连烟厂都不忌讳。难道我会违心地给你10元钱购买疾病吗？否！
我恶狠狠地瞪着书橱说：当我在路上遇见一位可敬的上司，难道不该给他献上一支劣质香烟吗？！
太太妩媚地笑了：这么说，我就更不该给你。任何一位上司吸过你那劣质香烟，都会在心中留下你那劣质印象，于前途不利。
我忿忿地说：非也！
我的每一位上司都熟知我的底细！他们常常取笑我说：小失啊，你总是骗我们的“红塔山”抽，却从不见你回赠一支，哪怕是一支劣质香烟！难道你太太连10元救济款都不能按月发放吗？
太太摆摆手，那时你该反问他们：难道你们抽的高档香烟钱——都是太太按月发放的私款？
我哑口无言。太太又说：在我们家庭，已初步实现共产主义。你衣食无忧，亦无需亲自洗衣、做饭，每天上好班、读好书、写好文章、当好白领、做好“小资”——自由自在、无忧无虑，天塌下来，有我顶着，何乐而不为呢？
我暴跳如雷：快给我10块钱！
太太凛然指向门外：我不喜欢噪音。
我扭头冲出门去，丢下一句话：我、会、回、来、的！
太太紧接一句：有本事你就别回来！
I ask my wife in sincerity: Give me ten Yuan to bulge my wallet. I am approaching thirty and sensible enough not to waste money on lollipop or playing video games.
She tries to persuade me in her soft voice: Will a man plead with his loved one for only ten Yuan? The American President is a man, so is the British Prime Minister. Does either one care if he has ten dollars in his wallet?
I blush with shame. However I still hope I have that money to buy a carton of low quality cigarettes.
She starts instructing me again: It＇s an acknowledged truth and even tobacco companies openly admit that cigarette smoking is harmful for your health. Do you think I＇ll give you the money against my will to allow you to smoke yourself sick? No, I＇ll never do that!
Fixing my eyes on the bookcase, I say angrily: Shouldn＇t I offer an inferior cigarette to my superior whom I meet with on the way?
She charmingly smiles: If that is the case, I have better reason not to give you that money. I must stop you from doing anything that may ruin your prospects. Any superior who smokes your inferior cigarette will certainly have the impression that you are as inferior as your cigarette.
Enraged, I explain: No, you are wrong. Each of my superiors knows me very well. They often tease me: You always take our superior cigarettes but never give us one, not even a low quality cigarette! If your wife provides for you the relief fund every month, can＇t she do it in time?
Waving her hand to express disagreement, she retorts: Shouldn＇t you ask each of your superiors if he smokes high quality cigarettes just because he receives his wife＇s private saving in time every month?
I can＇t say a word. She goes on: A communist system is basically established in our family. You are offered with food and clothes. You needn＇t cook or wash your clothes. But you have your role to play and you should play well. As a white color worker and a petty bourgeois, you go to office to read and write articles every day, free from care and anxiety, and you enjoy a leisurely life. Even if the sky falls down, I＇ll push it up from below. What＇s the sense of not doing that?
In a fury I shout: Give me ten Yuan. Be quick.
Pointing to the outside she says sternly: I don＇t like noise.
I turn round and dash out leaving a word for her: I＇ll Come Back.
In retort she says: Don＇t come back if you are an able, courageous man.