I hold grudges against everyone， even when making a conscious effort not to. I even hold grudges against myself for the things I’ve done in my life， things that I still feel guilty about today； like failing acting class in college， which ended up costing my mother tens of thousands of dollars. I also hold a grudge against my dad. But however justified my anger may be， as the years go by， my desire to mend fences and reconnect only grows stronger. But when I open my computer to make that trans-world reconciliatory call， something stops me. It’s that grudge I can’t let go of， my inability to handle the emotions that are destined to surface during our talk. And that just makes me madder at myself for not being able to forgive a man who was just looking out for his “real” family， his wife and two daughters（my half-sisters）.
　　As you may have been able to surmise from the intro， this month’s features are all about forgiveness. First， in Forgiveness and Freedom， Nancy’s late father keeps appearing on her sofa， until she realizes that her forgiveness could set them both free. Next， in Moms Are Like That， Sallie’s mother-in-law never approved of Sallie marrying her son. And Sallie wasn’t able to forgive her for it， that is， until both her husband and mother-in-law had passed on. And Forgiveness Is Possible shows us that even a bitter ex-wife can put grudges aside and forgive the man who hurt her， as in the final months of her ex-husband’s life， she tries to help heal the wounds he caused and repair the familial bonds between him and his kids.
　　So what do you guys think？ Should I just call my dad and make amends already？ I know I should… So， why it is so hard to forgive him？ Probably has something to do with forgiving myself…
　　我记恨着每一个人，即使我已有意识不让自己这样做。我甚至记恨着自己，为了那些曾经做过的事，那些时至今日依然让我觉得愧疚的事；像是考砸了大学的表演课，结果让我妈妈损失了几万美元。我也记恨着我父亲。然而无论我生气的理由多么正当，日久天长，与他修复关系、重新联系的渴望却越来越强烈。但是每当我打开电脑要拨通那越洋和解电话时，有些东西让我停了下来。是我心里放不下的怨恨，每当和他交谈时，我心里总是止不住涌出愤怒的情绪，无力控制。我没办法原谅这样一个只不过是在关心他“真正”的家庭——他的妻子和两个女儿（我同父异母的两个妹妹）的男人，这让我对自己更加生气。
　　也许你已经从上面的引子中猜出，这个月的主题文章都是关于原谅。首先，在《原谅：还你一颗自由的心》一文中，南希已故的父亲不断地出现在她家的沙发上，直到她明白原谅能让他们俩都获得自由。接下来，在《母亲的心》这篇文章中，萨利的婆婆一直不赞同她儿子娶萨利，萨利因而无法原谅她，直到她丈夫和婆婆都去世后才释怀。而《原谅过去，拥抱未来》则给我们展现了，即使是一位心有怨愤的前妻也能把仇恨放下，原谅那个曾经伤害过她的男人，在她前夫生命的最后一个月里，她努力弥合他造成的伤痕，帮忙修补他与孩子们的关系。
　　那么你们怎么看呢？我应该给我父亲致电并修补我们的关系吗？我知道我应该这样做……但是，为什么原谅他就那么难呢？也许这与我能否原谅自己有关……