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When I tried to hug her, she’d tell me it was too hot for hugs. So I learned to stop trying. We never had conversations①. I thought it was normal②. It was all I knew. I always thought the relationship③ between a mother and a child was about giving and receiving orders④. But when I was ten years old, I went to a friend’s house to do a school project. At first I remember feeling sorry for him. His family was so poor. There was almost nothing in the house. But when we walked inside, his mom gave him such a big hug. And she was so happy to see him. And that was the saddest moment of my life. Because I never knew that was something you could have. My mom still doesn’t hug me. But I think we’re on the way to that. I had an asthma⑤ attack⑥ recently, and I felt so weak, and she told me I could lay my head in her lap⑦. I can’t explain how special⑧that made me feel.
我想拥抱她,她说抱着太热了,所以我学会了不再尝试。我们从没有过真正的谈话,我觉得那很正常,我所知道的就是這样的,我一直以为母亲和孩子之间就是她说什么你做什么。但我10岁时去一个朋友家做一个学校布置的任务,记得一开始我还为他难过呢:他家穷得叮当响,可以说是家徒四壁。但我们一进门,他妈妈就给了他一个好大的拥抱,她看到他好开心哦。那是我这辈子最难过的时刻,因为我从不知道那是我本来可以拥有的。我妈妈还是不拥抱我,但我认为我们正朝着那个方向去:最近我哮喘发作,浑身没劲儿,她跟我说我可以把头放在她腿上。说不出来那让我感觉有多特别。
我想拥抱她,她说抱着太热了,所以我学会了不再尝试。我们从没有过真正的谈话,我觉得那很正常,我所知道的就是這样的,我一直以为母亲和孩子之间就是她说什么你做什么。但我10岁时去一个朋友家做一个学校布置的任务,记得一开始我还为他难过呢:他家穷得叮当响,可以说是家徒四壁。但我们一进门,他妈妈就给了他一个好大的拥抱,她看到他好开心哦。那是我这辈子最难过的时刻,因为我从不知道那是我本来可以拥有的。我妈妈还是不拥抱我,但我认为我们正朝着那个方向去:最近我哮喘发作,浑身没劲儿,她跟我说我可以把头放在她腿上。说不出来那让我感觉有多特别。