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Dear Lisa，
I am so sorry to hear that you failed in the talent show. I know you are very unhappy. Though you feel down in the show， failure is usual， and the result is not the most important thing.
I know you want to make your dream come true in this way. Who else does not have their dream？ We can try to use many ways to achieve it and not only one way. What great ways we can use！So you should cheer up and use other ways to make your dream come true.
To achieve you dream， you should begin to do it right now. First， you need to study hard. On the one hand， you can improve your grades， on the other hand， if you study hard， you can save more time to do other things to make your dream come true. Second， you should do more excise to keep your body healthy. At last， you can make a time table， so that you can make full use of your time .
Do not be worried， and you are sure to be successful one day. Hope you happy every day！
Yous，
Li Hua
黃跃清老师点评：
谭胜尧同学这篇文章是在20分钟的时间内完成的。文章没有遗漏规定的要点，层次分明：第一段陈述Lisa沮丧的事因，第二段提醒实现梦想有很多条途径，第三段陈述实现梦想的具体方法。然而还可以从以下几方面修改，使文章更具魅力。第一，可以从句子结构着手，采用多种句式去表达建议，比如使用：Why not do sth. ？ Why don’t you do sth.？ You’d better do sth. I advise you to do sth. Don’t you think it is...？ 这样能避免文章单一化的缺点。借助不同的表达方式，文章句式将更加精彩纷呈，活力四射。第二，文章最后还可加一句具有总结性的话，以达到首尾呼应的艺术效果。第三，语言还可适当通过使用修辞手法，比如hyperbole， simile， parallelism 等，给批改的老师留下更好的印象。
Dear Lisa，
I am so sorry to hear that you failed in the talent show. Though the failure is like a big， black cloud hanging over your heart， it is usual， and it is not the most important thing.
You may want to make your dream come true in this way. However， it’s not the only way. So why do not you cheer up and use other ways to make your dream come true？
To achieve your dream， you’d better do it right now. First， you need to study hard， which can both improve your abilities and save more time to do other things. Also， don’t you think it great to make a timetable so that you can make full use of your time？ Finally， you’d better build up your confidence.
Do not be worried， and you are sure to be successful one day. Hope you happy every day！
Yours，
Li Hua
I am so sorry to hear that you failed in the talent show. I know you are very unhappy. Though you feel down in the show， failure is usual， and the result is not the most important thing.
I know you want to make your dream come true in this way. Who else does not have their dream？ We can try to use many ways to achieve it and not only one way. What great ways we can use！So you should cheer up and use other ways to make your dream come true.
To achieve you dream， you should begin to do it right now. First， you need to study hard. On the one hand， you can improve your grades， on the other hand， if you study hard， you can save more time to do other things to make your dream come true. Second， you should do more excise to keep your body healthy. At last， you can make a time table， so that you can make full use of your time .
Do not be worried， and you are sure to be successful one day. Hope you happy every day！
Yous，
Li Hua
黃跃清老师点评：
谭胜尧同学这篇文章是在20分钟的时间内完成的。文章没有遗漏规定的要点，层次分明：第一段陈述Lisa沮丧的事因，第二段提醒实现梦想有很多条途径，第三段陈述实现梦想的具体方法。然而还可以从以下几方面修改，使文章更具魅力。第一，可以从句子结构着手，采用多种句式去表达建议，比如使用：Why not do sth. ？ Why don’t you do sth.？ You’d better do sth. I advise you to do sth. Don’t you think it is...？ 这样能避免文章单一化的缺点。借助不同的表达方式，文章句式将更加精彩纷呈，活力四射。第二，文章最后还可加一句具有总结性的话，以达到首尾呼应的艺术效果。第三，语言还可适当通过使用修辞手法，比如hyperbole， simile， parallelism 等，给批改的老师留下更好的印象。
Dear Lisa，
I am so sorry to hear that you failed in the talent show. Though the failure is like a big， black cloud hanging over your heart， it is usual， and it is not the most important thing.
You may want to make your dream come true in this way. However， it’s not the only way. So why do not you cheer up and use other ways to make your dream come true？
To achieve your dream， you’d better do it right now. First， you need to study hard， which can both improve your abilities and save more time to do other things. Also， don’t you think it great to make a timetable so that you can make full use of your time？ Finally， you’d better build up your confidence.
Do not be worried， and you are sure to be successful one day. Hope you happy every day！
Yours，
Li Hua