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我的时间那钟声踏沙而来,伴随着清晨第一缕刺破云层的光。我在这圣洁的一瞬间,打了个激灵,某个关于自己的画卷突然打开。这无关于辉煌,却是——我的时间。——题记据说,我们是无知觉地来到这世间的。可是当我们离去的时点评:结合实际,引出话题,稍嫌唆。回忆高中的美好时光,与“我的时间”联系十分牵强。表达对母校的喜爱之情,但内容过于肤浅,表达不够顺畅。概述高中三年的生活,但只是简单罗列,与主题缺乏关联。感悟偏离主题,过于表面化。结尾较为生硬。
My time that bell came sand, along with the first ray of morning pierce the clouds of light. In this holy moment, I struck a ghost, and a picture of myself suddenly opened. It’s nothing about glory, but it’s my time. - Inscription It is said that we came to this world unconsciously. However, when we leave comment: combined with the actual lead to topics, a little abetting. Memorable high school’s good time, and “my time ” is very far-fetched. To express their love for his alma mater, but the content is too superficial, not smooth enough. An overview of high school three years of life, but only a simple list, lack of relevance to the topic. Inspiration from the theme, too superficial. Ending more blunt.