November 3rd， 2016 Thursday Sunny
　　Last Friday， when I went home I saw our stairs were dirty. “Is Mum at home？” I said to myself. I knocked at the door， but no one answer①.
　　I took out my key and opened the door. I saw a piece of paper on the table.
　　“Hi， Lotus！I’m going to visit your grandmother. I will go by bus. I will come back in two days. You are 15 years old， aren’t you？ Cook for yourself and take care of your sister. Mum.”
　　Why not take us to go together？ I rang my mother. “This time it is not a travel. I am visiting your grandmother in hospital. You are busy in study. Maybe next time I will take you two.”
　　“Is grandmother in hospital？ Why not tell me about it？” I was a bit unhappy.
　　“You will finish junior study. I hope you will get better grades.” Mum said.
　　“Grandmother is more important than my study. I love Grandma！” I cried.
　　Mum has been in hospital. I said many words to my grandmother on phone. Next time， I visit② my grandma together with my sister.
　　At③ Friday night， I cleaned the stairs. When my neighbor uncle Li came home， he said I was a good girl. I gave him a dirty look because he never cleans the stairs！
　　湖南省永州市冷水灘区竹山桥学校九年级 屈玉莲
　　点评
　　1. 优点：
　　这是一篇小作者的日记，记录生活，情感真挚，把日常生活中的小事写得饶有趣味。
　　2. 需要修改的地方：
　　①answer改为answered。要保持前后时态的一致性。
　　②visit改为will visit。next time（下一次）是表将来的时间状语，对应用将来时态的动词形式。注意：前面行文中出现了next time，且用对了时态，后面行文中却写错了时态，说明写作过程中存在粗心大意。
　　③At改为On。在英语中，具体到某个星期几的晚上，用介词on。
　　3. 评分：
　　按湖南省永州市中考英语作文满分15分的评分标准，本文修改前可得13分。