I have a friend called Tom. He is my classmate. Although he is a little thin and short， he likes to help mates much patient and gives away some money to kids of the poor area. I am a little fat and sad all the time， he always tells me not to worry. My grades are bad， I worry about them all the time. Tom helps me with study and suggests me doing more exercises， playing less computer games.
　　I thought he is a good student ago. I was afraid to communicate with him. Now I find he think of other people more than himself. How kind he is！
　　刘 畅老师点评：
　　这是一篇应试作文。首先，此文结构清晰，层次分明。第一段写Tom乐于助人，以及他如何帮助“我”。第二段写“我”对他前后态度的对比，得出How kind he is的结论。其次，小作者语言运用基本得当。Although he is a little thin and short， he likes to help mates much patient and gives away some money to kids of the poor area. 这是一个很长的主从复合句，前一句用although来引导，后一句没有受到我们中国人语言习惯的影响加but，处理得很好，是此文的一个亮点。文中最后一句用感叹句，和前面陈述句相比，句式有了变化，是此文的另一个亮点。除此之外，小作者精心挑选词组并使用准确。如：give away money to sb.； tell sb. not to do sth.； worry about； all the time； help sb. with sth.； think of； be afraid to do sth.； communicate with sb.。特别要提出的是小作者使用了高级词汇patient和suggest，虽然运用不正确，但有这种意识却值得鼓励。在有限的时间内小作者能写出这样的文章，我要为他点个赞！
　　当然，这篇短文也出现了一些常见的语法错误，如词性混用，时态不一致，有些单词重复较多，显得比较单调，文章结尾也比较唐突。
　　I have a friend called Tom. Although he is thin and short， he likes helping classmates patiently， including me. I used to be less confident because I was fat and not good at studying. He is always helping me with my study and suggests I do some exercise. He gives away money to kids of the poor area， too.
　　He was such a top student that I was afraid to communicate with him before， while now I find out he thinks of others more than himself. How kind he is！ I feel so lucky to have a friend like him.