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Last summer， I went to Beijing with my best friends. It is the first time that we went to Beijing， so you can’t imagine how exitied we were！ It was very hot but it was interesting for us to take this trip.
On the first day， we went to Beijing World Art Center and I took many photos with model robot. In the afternoon， I watched real tanks and fighters. They’re so cool that I love it at the first sight.
On the second day， we climbed the “Great Wall”. The scenery is beautiful and the air is fresh there. But you can’t imagine how hot it was， so we stayed here for a short time.
On the last day， we went to the Qing Hua university. We attended a lecture. The professor is very humorous. So I think it’s very interesting. I will never forget that special day.
I had a great time. It was an unforgettable trip！
邓瑞兰老师点评：
此篇习作是小作者描述自己在去年夏天酷暑的时候参加北京夏令营的真实经历，所以着重描写了自己印象非常深刻的几个景点。
本文结构清晰，叙事条理清楚，时态应用基本正确。作者能综合应用所学的句型 you can’t imagine...，so...that 等来描写所见所闻。但在使用“第一次做某事”句型时，他没有注意到此句型通常与现在完成时连用。在“They’re so cool that I love it at first sight”中代词指代单复数前后不一致。“We attended a lecture. The professor is very humorous.”这两个简单句用一个后置定语合并为一个复合句结构就会更紧凑。
文章还有不足的是词汇比较简单，句式比较单一，叙事的内容较为简单了点，还可以适当地发挥。
Last summer， I went to Beijing with my best friends. It was the first time that we had been to Beijing， so you can’t imagine how excited we were！ Though it was burning hot that summer， we never hesitated to take the trip.
On the first day， we went to Beijing World Art Center and I took many photos with model robots. In the afternoon， I watched real tanks and fighters， which were so cool that I loved them at the first sight.
The following day， we climbed the Great Wall. The scenery was so beautiful that we couldn’t help taking many beautiful pictures there. To our disappointment， it was too hot for us to bear， so we stayed there only for a short time.
On the last day， we went to the Qing Hua University. We attended a lecture given by a humorous professor. So I think it’s very interesting and instructive. I will never forget that special day.
I had a great time. It was an unforgettable trip！
On the first day， we went to Beijing World Art Center and I took many photos with model robot. In the afternoon， I watched real tanks and fighters. They’re so cool that I love it at the first sight.
On the second day， we climbed the “Great Wall”. The scenery is beautiful and the air is fresh there. But you can’t imagine how hot it was， so we stayed here for a short time.
On the last day， we went to the Qing Hua university. We attended a lecture. The professor is very humorous. So I think it’s very interesting. I will never forget that special day.
I had a great time. It was an unforgettable trip！
邓瑞兰老师点评：
此篇习作是小作者描述自己在去年夏天酷暑的时候参加北京夏令营的真实经历，所以着重描写了自己印象非常深刻的几个景点。
本文结构清晰，叙事条理清楚，时态应用基本正确。作者能综合应用所学的句型 you can’t imagine...，so...that 等来描写所见所闻。但在使用“第一次做某事”句型时，他没有注意到此句型通常与现在完成时连用。在“They’re so cool that I love it at first sight”中代词指代单复数前后不一致。“We attended a lecture. The professor is very humorous.”这两个简单句用一个后置定语合并为一个复合句结构就会更紧凑。
文章还有不足的是词汇比较简单，句式比较单一，叙事的内容较为简单了点，还可以适当地发挥。
Last summer， I went to Beijing with my best friends. It was the first time that we had been to Beijing， so you can’t imagine how excited we were！ Though it was burning hot that summer， we never hesitated to take the trip.
On the first day， we went to Beijing World Art Center and I took many photos with model robots. In the afternoon， I watched real tanks and fighters， which were so cool that I loved them at the first sight.
The following day， we climbed the Great Wall. The scenery was so beautiful that we couldn’t help taking many beautiful pictures there. To our disappointment， it was too hot for us to bear， so we stayed there only for a short time.
On the last day， we went to the Qing Hua University. We attended a lecture given by a humorous professor. So I think it’s very interesting and instructive. I will never forget that special day.
I had a great time. It was an unforgettable trip！