雅思写作中的句子基本功(四):长短句混合使用

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  雅思作文一般在250—300单词之间,句子数量大约15—20句。那么怎么安排这些句子呢?很多同学已经注意到,一篇作文中若全是短句,自然是不好的,但若都是長句,读起来的感觉也不会很舒服,因此雅思作文中的句子应该是长短句混合使用。但是,问题是:什么时候该用短句,什么时候该用长句?老雅希望通过本文来解决这个问题。
  我们先来看一个段落:
  (1) Earlier scientists thought that during a man’s lifetime the power of his brain decreased. (2) But it is now thought that this is not so. (3) As long as the brain is given plenty of exercise it keeps its power. (4) It has been found that an old person who has always been mentally active has a quicker mind than a young person who has done only physical work. (5) It is now thought that the more work we give our brains, the more work they are able to do.
  本段讨论的主题是:只要给大脑足够的锻炼,它就会保持活力。我们来仔细看看这段的句子安排情况。句1是短句,提出错误的观念,即以前的科学家认为随着人的年龄增加,大脑的功能会减退;句2是短句,对错误的观念进行否定;句3是短句,提出正确的观点;句4是长句,对正确的观点进行论证;句5是短句,换一种表达方式重申段落观点。5个句子错落有致,读起来观点明确,论证有力。
  大家知道,英语中有短句,也有长句。短句结构简单,意义清楚,易产生生动活泼、干脆利落的表达效果;长句则用严谨的语法结构来表达事物间更为复杂的内在联系。因此,在表达段落重要观点的时候,我们通常用短句,而在对观点进行说理论证或举例论证的时候,我们通常用长句。用短句表达重要观点,很容易让读者抓住段落的重心所在,而用长句来论证,则使论证显得内容丰富,从而实现“观点明确,论证丰富”的表达效果。在上面引用的段落中,前3句旨在引出正确的观点,都用短句,句4是在论证,使用长句,句5再次表达观点,因此也用短句。
  下面,我们来看雅思考官给出的高分作文中的一个段落:
  (1) There are, however, some disadvantages. (2) Primary school teachers are generalists, and may not have the necessary language skills themselves. (3) If specialists have to be brought in to deliver these sessions, the flexibility referred to above is diminished. (4) If primary language teaching is not standardised, secondary schools could be faced with a great variety of levels in different languages within their intake, resulting in a classroom experience which undoes the earlier gains. (5) There is no advantage if enthusiastic primary pupils become demotivated as soon as they change schools. (6) However, these issues can be addressed strategically within the policy adopted.
  本段论证的是“从小学开始学外语的劣势”,一共6句,在段落中分别扮演4个功能,其中:句1表达段落主题;句2指出小学外语教师的问题,即这些老师自己可能缺乏足够的语言技能;句3论证这个问题带来的后果之一,即需要从外面请老师来给小学生上外语课;句4和句5则论证另外一个后果,即小学外语教学若不均衡,中学生的语言技能就会有不同层次,从而让那些积极性很高的小学生进入中学后对语言学习不再有动力;句6说明这些问题可以得到解决。
  那么,现在我们来看看这个段落中句子的长短如何对应其功能。句1表达段落主题,明显用了短句,这是整个段落中最为简短的句子;句2提出具体问题,其功能是引发下面的讨论,也用了比较短的句子,使其意义非常清楚;句3—5是论证这个问题产生的后果,句子长度明显变长;句6再次表达观点,回归到短句。这样,整个段落的句子长短安排就呈现如下节奏:短句—较短句—较长句—长句—较长句—短句。段落以短句开始,用较长句过渡到长句,然后又由较长句回归到短句。这个结构让我们想到讲故事的结构。会讲故事的人也总是从事件的开端讲起,然后营造氛围,最终达到高潮,之后再慢慢让故事走向结尾。本段为什么读起来让大家觉得舒服?老雅认为,重要原因就是其句子长短安排暗合了我们听故事的心理节奏。大家如果再回头看看本文引用的第一个段落,会发现其结构与本段也很相似。
  我们现在来总结一下。雅思作文标准段落一般由5句构成,其句子长短的分布如下:短句—较长句—长句—较长句—短句。当然,在实际写作中,我们应该根据具体情况,大致遵从这个结构就可以了,不必完全拘泥。下面我们先来看一篇学生习作的段落:   (1) The situation would be better if people really tried their best to save the creature. (2) Panda is a good example. (3) Panda is a typical endangered animal which only lives in China. (4) The number of panda used to be less than 200. (5) Nevertheless, the lovely appearance of panda attract the world’s attention. (6) It is favoured by people all over the world. (7) Finally, though it is still endangered, the number of panda grows to 1000. (8) According to these, it is obvious that the situation can be changed.
  这里的论点是:如果我们尽力挽救动物,动物灭绝的情形就会改变。怎么论证?该同学举了熊猫的例子。她的思路是这样的:熊猫是一种濒危动物,只有中国才有。熊猫以前的数量不足200。然而,熊猫的可爱模样吸引了世界的注意力。全世界的人都喜欢熊猫。最后,虽然还是濒危动物,但其数量增长到了1000。这就说明,情形顯然是可以改变的。这个举例内容很合适,完全说明了观点,举例的语言大体也清楚,这样的作文可得6分,若要更上一层楼,则必须改进。该段共包含8个句子,但几乎所有句子都是短句,没有营造出合理安排长短句产生的节奏感。老雅这样改写:
  (1) The situation would be better if people really tried their best to save the creature. (2) Panda is a good example. (3) As an endangered species found only in China, pandas have grown in number from 200 a decade ago to 1000 today, thanks to the protection from people all over the world attracted by their lovely appearance. (4) This example shows obviously that the situation can be changed.
  改写的版本中:句1是短句,表达段落主题;句2是短句,引出后面的长句;句3是长句,具体举例论证;句4是短句,重申段落观点。这样改写后,句子长度的安排就基本符合标准的雅思段落了。
  大家可以自己分析以下几个段落中的句子长度安排,以巩固本期学习的内容。所有段落均来自老雅原创的雅思真题高分范文。
  1. (1) However, the increased use of cars has caused serious consequences for our environment. (2) Many experts, for instance, attribute the worsening air quality in big cities to the cars’ exhaust gas emission and the dust that rises after them. (3) This accusation is perhaps well-grounded if you make a little comparison between the air quality 50 years ago and that now. (4) In addition to the waste gas and dust, cars also make unbearable noises, which are a headache to all city dwellers. (5) Just imagine a time you are shocked awake from your cozy dream by the sharp braking screech of a car passing by your house! (2016/9/15,私家车的好处和坏处)
  提示:本段共5个句子。句1短句,表达段落主题,即私家车增加对环境造成严重后果;句2和句3较长句,论证第一个后果,即私家车污染空气;句4和句5较长句,论证第二个后果,即私家车制造噪音。本段没有总结句,因此没有呼应的短句。
  2. (1) Online shopping has many advantages, especially when it is compared with in-store shopping. (2) Sitting comfortably at home, no matter how terrible the weather outside might be, and with a few simple clicks on our computer or smart phone screen, we can order almost everything we need from clothes to books and from electric appliances to air tickets. (3) Then what we have to do is wait one or two days for the delivery of our order. (4) The whole process is really easy and simple and thus can save us a lot of time, not to mention the reduced prices we often enjoy when we shop online. (2018/11/11, 网上购物能否取代商店购物)
  提示:本段共4个句子。句1短句,表达段落主题,即网上购物有优势;句2长句,具体描写网络购物的优势;句3短句,继续描写网络购物的优势;句4较短句,总结网络购物的优势,呼应第一句。
  3. (1) Another important factor that affects the students’ attitude towards learning is that a good education seems not as important as before. (2) For quite a long time, receiving a good education was the only way for young people to get a decent job and earn a high salary. (3) But now, this is apparently not the case anymore. (4) Influenced by business stars like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, many young people now begin to believe that one’s success is not in proportion to the education s/he receives. (5) The students, therefore, are not motivated enough to focus on their learning. (2017/3/4, 现在学生不爱上学的原因及解决办法)
  提示:本段共5个句子。句1短句,表达段落主题,即影响学生学习态度的是教育似乎不再重要;句2较短句,提出以前的情形;句3短句,否定以前的情形;句4长句,具体论证为什么学生们认为教育与成功不再有联系;句5短句,重申段落观点。这是一个标准的雅思作文段落。
  [与老雅继续交流,请加微信公众号ieltswriting4u(唐老雅英语写作工作室)]
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