To all but a handful of people， I’ve been "Dubin" my entire life. Friends， acquaintances， parents， teachers， baristas—this one is admittedly on me， but you can only get "Jerry" on your Starbucks cup so many times before you take action—have all always just last-named me. And because I’ve always just gone by that one name， I’ve long been fascinated by people who have one or more additional monikers by which they’re known. My own lack of a nickname， in time， gave birth to an obsession with everyone else’s.
　　对不少人来说，我这一辈子就叫达宾。朋友、熟人、父母、老师、咖啡师——这个是我认可的，因为在星巴克名字被人多次写成“杰里”后你总会采取行动的——他们总是用姓称呼我。因为我一直用这个名字，所以我一向对拥有一个或多个为人熟知的绰号的人非常有兴趣。因为自己没有绰号，这导致我着迷于其他人的绰号。
　　All of which brings me to this： While I am eternally grateful to Basketball-Reference for a great many things， the nicknames listed on their web site are largely trash， and I’ve told them so. How many people on the planet do you think have ever called Dwyane Wade "Pookie，" for example？ Don’t they know "Linsanity" was the phenomenon surrounding Jeremy Lin’s spectacular rise to prominence， not his nickname？ And why are the nicknames only on the player pages and not in some sort of database？ I understand these questions might matter to me more than other people， but also they really matter to me.
　　以上事实让我得出以下结论：尽管Basketball-Reference提供了那么多优秀的内容、永远值得我尊敬，但他们网站列出的球员绰号大部分只能称为“垃圾”，我也是这么跟他们说的。比如说，你觉得地球上有几个人把德维恩·韦德叫成“Pookie”？他们难道不知道“林疯狂”是描述林书豪爆发现象的称呼，而不是他的绰号？为什么绰号只出现在球员个人页面上，却没有数据库？我懂，这些问题可能对我比对别人有更重要的意义，但这些问题对我来说确实很重要。
　　Maybe it’s because people now try too hard to come up with nicknames for certain players—think of beat writers trying to make their preferred moniker happen， or Basketball Twitter screaming about how "[Player X] needs a nickname！"—or because more and more players now try to come up with their own nicknames as a branding thing—we see you， Kobe Bryant/ Dwyane Wade/Harrison Barnes—or because the SportsCenter lingo of using initials or hyphenations caught on and became easy shorthand. Whatever the reason， there’s a distinct lack of originality in contemporary nicknames. We need to do better.
　　这可能因为人们太想给球员起外号了——比如那些希望自己偏爱的绰号流行的跟队记者，或者高喊着“X球员需要一个绰号！”的篮球推特账号——或者是因为现在的球员越来越多地自己起外号，把这当做一个品牌——说的就是你啊，科比·布莱恩特/德维恩·韦德/哈里斯·巴恩斯——抑或是“体育中心”节目常用缩写或者连字符的方法开始流行，叫起来也很简便。不管怎么说，如今的绰号明显缺少原创性。我们在这方面需要做得更好啊。


　　The way I see it， there are 11 different kinds of NBA nicknames， only some of which are actually good： Initials， Hyphenates， Abbreviated Names， Replacement Names， Body/Origin Descriptors， Game Descriptors， SelfGiven Nicknames， "The" Nicknames， Pop-Culture Nicknames， Group Nicknames， and （for lack of better terminology） Original Nicknames. Let’s break them down one by one. 　　在我看来，NBA共有11种类型的绰号，其中只有一部分算得上不错：首字母、连字符、简写、替代名字、身体/出身描述、球风描述、自封绰号、“The”字辈、流行文化绰号、团队名字及（想不出合适的说法）原创绰号。下面让我们逐一分析。
　　Initials： This is basically the default version of nicknaming these days， which is a sad state of affairs. Initials can and have been used for superstars， All-Stars， and role players alike. It’s lazy. For all but a few players， like the ones who have three names—or more， like Luc Richard Mbah a Moute， who you sadly do not know as LRMAM—or Andrei Kirilenko， whose AK-47 combined his initials and uniform number and was objectively perfect. We must do better than this. Karl-Anthony Towns can’t just be KAT forever.
　　首字母：这几乎就是现在绰号的默认形式，这种状态让人很是悲哀。超级巨星、全明星以及角色球员可以、也曾使用过首字母型绰号。这也太懒了。对于一部分球员，比如名字由三个或更多单词组成的球员——如卢克·理查德·巴莫特，悲剧的是你并不会叫他LRMAM——或者像安德烈·基里连科，他的AK-47把首字母和号码结合起来，效果相当完美。我们需要做得更好。卡尔-安东尼·唐斯不能一直用KAT。
　　Hyphenates： There is no earthly reason that Tracy McGrady， Dwyane Wade， Deron Williams， Derrick Rose， and Jason Kidd should all have basically the same nickname. T-Mac， D-Wade， D-Will， D-Rose， J-Kidd？ Ugh. I blame C-Webb. It should be noted that some hyphenates， like Z-Bo and Q-Pon， do actually work， but the rest are practically begging for people to get more creative.
　　连字符：没理由特雷西·麦克格雷迪、德维恩·韦德、德隆·威廉姆斯、德里克·罗斯和杰森·基德拥有大致相同的绰号。T-Mac、D-Wade、D-Will、D-Rose、J-Kidd？呃。我要怪C-Webb（克里斯·韦伯）。需要注意的是，一些连字符型绰号，比如Z-Bo（扎克·兰多夫）或Q-Pon（昆西·庞德克斯特）还是不错的，但其他的好像在恳求人们有点创意而已。
　　Abbreviated Names： This is definitely the most popular kind of nickname， and for good reason. It still immediately conjures up the player， but it’s just easier to say than his real name. Why call the two-time reigning MVP Stephen， when Steph is much easier？ Who wants to say Shaquille or Carmelo when Shaq and Melo are sitting right there？ Zo， Sheed， Toine， Dame， Pip， Peja， Spree， Cooz， Nique， Spoon， Dice， McBob， Mash， Mase， GOOGS—these are not just good nicknames； they’re also fun to say. You can （almost） never go wrong with an abbreviated name. Almost. Sometimes you wind up with something like Kandi Man， which becomes easy to parody. "The Kandi Man Can’t" is just sitting right there.
　　简写：这绝对是最受欢迎的一种绰号，理由很充分。这种绰号仍然能让人立刻联想到球员，而且比真名说起来更简单。如果Steph（斯戴夫）读起来更简单，为什么要叫两届MVP得主Stephen（斯蒂芬·库里）呢？有了Shaq（沙克）和Melo（梅洛），谁愿意说Shaquille（沙奎尔）或Carmelo（卡梅洛）呢？Zo（莫宁）、Sheed（拉希德·华莱士）、Toine（安东尼·沃克）、Dame（利拉德）、Pip（皮蓬）、Peja（佩贾）、Spree（斯普雷维尔）、Cooz（鲍勃·库西）、Nique（多米尼克·威尔金斯）、Spoon（克拉伦斯·威瑟斯彭）、Dice（安东尼奥·麦克戴斯）、McBob（约什·麦克罗伯茨）、Mash（贾马尔·马什本）、Mase（安东尼·梅森）、GOOGS（汤姆·古格利奥塔）——这些不仅是好的绰号，而且非常有趣。用简写时你（几乎）不会出错，几乎不会。不过有时候你会遇到Kandi Man（奥洛沃坎迪）这种名字，这种绰号很容易被人恶搞。“The Kandi Man Can’t”（Kandi Man什么也不会）就是个例子。 　　Replacement Names： You know how this works. A child gets a nickname growing up， and it sticks. He becomes an NBA player and almost nobody realizes that the name they know him by isn’t his actual name . Penny Hardaway， Spud Webb， Red Holzman and Auerbach， Popeye Jones， Doc Rivers， Muggsy Bogues， Speedy Claxton， Tiny Archibald， Satch Sanders， Moochie Norris， Fat Lever， and the immortal Smush Parker are all terrific examples. This kind of thing rarely happens anymore， though， unless you count Jimmer Fredette. Which I don’t. Why has this kind of nickname fallen off？ Can we just agree to blame the childhood friends of future NBA players， or is that unfair？
　　替代名字：这种形式，大家懂的。一个人小时候得到一个绰号，随后一直沿用下去。后来他成了NBA球员，几乎没人意识到，他们知道的名字并不是他的真名。“便士”哈达威、斯巴德·韦伯、里德·霍尔茨曼和里德·奥尔巴赫、波派·琼斯、道格·里弗斯、“小虫”博格斯、斯比蒂·克莱克斯顿、小阿奇巴尔德、萨奇·桑德斯、穆奇·诺里斯、法特·莱沃，还有不朽的斯马什·帕克，都是绝好的例子。不过这类绰号现在却很少出现了，除非算上吉默·弗雷戴特，但我不准备算上他。为什么这种绰号消失了呢？这个锅我们能甩在未来NBA球员童年的朋友身上吗？还是说这样并不公平？
　　Body/Origin Descriptors： There used to be some pretty creative nicknames of this variety： the Hick from French Lick， the Round Mound of Rebound， Wilt the Stilt， the Big Fundamental. There’s an entire subphylum of Shaq nicknames built around the word Big—Big Aristotle， Big Shaqtus， Big Shamrock， Big Daddy， and so on. The improved technology and training regimens available to players these days has yielded fewer players of outwardly distinctive body types， though， so it’s somewhat tougher to come up with shape-related nicknames for players coming into the league. Nowadays， it’s more about working the country the player hails from into the mix. Greek Freak， Big Daddy Canada， and Three 6 Latvia （the latter admittedly only used by an elite cadre of Knicks fans for Kristaps Porzingis） are good shit， but other post-2000s descriptors like Haitian Sensation and Brazilian Blur are too easy. This is America and we should still be able to come up with stuff like Zeke from Cabin Creek and the Enormous Mormon.
　　身体/出身描述：这一类曾经出现过一些很有创意的名字：弗伦奇利克的乡巴佬（拉里·伯德）、篮板圆墩（查尔斯·巴克利）、高跷威尔特（张伯伦）、大基本功（邓肯）。奥尼尔的绰号中专门有一个以“大”开头的系列——大亚里士多德、大仙人掌、大三叶草、大老爹等等。如今随着科技进步、可获取的训练方法更多，球员独特的身体特征变得越来越少，所以想给球员起与身体特征有关的绰号的难度也就越来越大。如今，这类绰号更多地混入的是球员的出身。希腊怪兽（安特托昆博）、加拿大大老爹（本内特）和3-6拉脱维亚（只有极少的死忠尼克斯球迷才会这样称呼波尔津吉斯）这些很不错，但是像海地激情和巴西闪电这种2000年后出现的绰号就太简单了。这里可是美国，我们应该还是有能力想出诸如卡宾克里克的泽克（杰里·韦斯特）和巨型摩门教徒（肖恩·布拉德利）这样的名字。
　　Game Descriptors： My tolerance for this type of nickname varies. Stacey"Plastic Man" Augmon is perfect and I wouldn’t mind if it were reused on a different player every 20 years or so. Junkyard Dog was perfect for Jerome Williams， and Iso Joe could not possibly fit Joe Johnson better. Clyde the Glide， Pitchin’ Paul， Air Canada， Chocolate Thunder， the Grindfather， and even J.R. Swish all range from "pretty good" to "very good." You can miss me with any and all variations of "Big ____，" though. That goes for Mr. Big Shot， Big Shot Bob or Rob， Big Game James， and whatever else in that vein is out there. There is opportunity here to come up with some really inventive stuff. Even something like Lillard Time， which isn’t so much a nickname as just a description of what happens when Damian Lillard takes over crunch time of any given game， is so much better than "Big Shot" or "Big Game" or "Big Time" anything. 　　球风描述：我对这类绰号的容忍度要分具体情况。斯特西·奥格蒙“塑料人”的名字很不错，我不介意每过上20年另有球员使用这个名字。“垃圾狗”这个名字非常适合杰罗姆·威廉姆斯，“单打乔”也无比适合乔·约翰逊。“滑翔机”克莱德·德雷克斯勒，“投手”保罗·阿里金，“加拿大飞人”，“巧克力炸弹”，Grindfather（磨练之父，托尼·阿伦）甚至J.R. Swish也都可以归入“很不错”到“相当不错”的范围。不要跟我提各种类型的“大……”，比如“大心脏先生”、“大心脏鲍勃或罗伯”、“大赛詹姆斯”（詹姆斯·沃西），以及任何类似的绰号。这个种类中有可能出现极有创意的名字。甚至“利拉德时刻”这样本来不算绰号、只是用来关键时刻或者任意时刻达米安·利拉德接管比赛的现象的一种称呼，也比“大心脏”、“大比赛”或者“关键时刻”什么的好多了。
　　Self-Given Nicknames： There is no way around this： You. Do. Not. Get. To. Choose. Your. Own. Nickname. Nicknames are bestowed upon you， and that’s it. So fuck Black Mamba. Fuck Black Falcon. Fuck Way of Wade and Swaggy P and definitely fuck The Servant， which Kevin Durant tried to make happen when he didn’t like the （very good） nickname the internet briefly gave him （more on that later）. Self-given nicknames are straight-up garbage and should never be used. The exception here is "the Kobe Stopper，" because Ruben Patterson is a legend. Respect.
　　自封绰号：这是不可接受的，你不能自己选择绰号。绰号是别人给你的，就这么简单。所以，去他妈的黑曼巴，去他妈的北卡黑鹰，去他妈的韦德之道，去他妈的Swaggy P。当然，去他妈的“仆人”，这是杜兰特不喜欢互联网给他的一个外号（其实很不错，后面详细分析）后试图自封的一个名字。自封绰号是彻头彻尾的垃圾，谁都不该用。唯一的例外是“科比终结者”，因为鲁本·帕特森就是传奇。没错，他就是传奇。
　　"The" Nicknames： This is a mixed bag. There have been a whole lot of really good "the" nicknames： the Answer， the Mailman， the Glove， The Dream， The Admiral， The Worm， The Matrix， and arguably the best nickname ever， The Truth. But there have also been some really shitty ones： The Jet， The Big O， The Chosen One， The Big Ticket （and The Kid）， The Machine， and The Brow. When you give someone a "the" nickname， they damn well better actually be THE [whatever you’re using]. There’s obviously more than one captain， so just don’t call a guy The Captain. As definitely don’t name a guy Il Mago—that’s Italian for "The Magician" and was used to refer to Andrea Bargnani—if his only magic power is making his team worse.
　　“The”字辈：这一类比较复杂，其中有一些确实不错，比如答案、邮差、手套、大梦、海军上将、大虫、骇客，还有称得上历史最佳的绰号“真理”。不过这个种类里也有一些很糟糕的，比如喷气机、大O、天选之子、大票房（孩子）、机器和浓眉哥。送给某人“the”字绰号时，他们最好就是那个（你给他们的称呼）。能做上尉的人太多了，所以不要叫某个人“上尉”。绝对不要给别人起“II Mago”这个绰号，这是意大利语的“魔术师”，曾经用来指安德雷·巴格纳尼，他唯一的魔力就是让自己的球队变得更糟吧。
　　Pop-Culture Nicknames： These can be actually taken from popular culture， like Skywalker， Mighty Mouse， Bad News Barnes， X-Man. They can also arise when a player wades into popular culture， as in Larry Johnson’s nickname of Grandmama， which was the result of some weird commercials in which Larry Johnson dressed up as an elderly woman who dunks. Ray Allen played a character named Jesus Shuttlesworth in a Spike Lee movie； interns attached latex old-guy makeup to Kyrie Irving until he was Uncle Drew. The best of these nicknames， though， happen organically. Basketball Twitter calls Nik Stauskas "Sauce Castillo" because the closed captioning on a Kings game got messed up one night. There is no compelling reason for Stauskas to even have a nickname， so this says something about the passion involved here. The important thing with popculture nicknames， as with all other types， is not to force it. You don’t get to have Kristaps become Godzingis just because you say it a lot. Trust me on this. I tried to make Vucci Mane happen for Nikola Vucevic and I know it will never work. 　　流行文化绰号：这些绰号可能真的出自流行文化，比如天行者、太空飞鼠、坏消息巴恩斯、X战警。当球员成为流行文化的一部分时也会出现这类绰号，比如拉里·约翰逊的“大妈”，就是源自拉里·约翰逊出演了一个诡异的广告，他在里面穿着老年妇女的衣服扣篮。雷·阿伦在斯派克·李的电影里扮演了一个名叫Jesus Shuttleworth的角色；实习生们给欧文粘上老年人的乳胶面具，把他变成了德鲁大叔。不过这一类里最好的绰号却是自发形成的。篮球推特把尼克·斯陶斯卡斯称作“卡斯蒂略酱”是因为有一场国王比赛直播的隐蔽式字幕出了问题。斯陶斯卡斯不存在非要拥有绰号的理由，从这我们也能看到篮球迷在这方面的热情。和其他种类一样，流行文化绰号中很重要的一点是，不要强行推动某个绰号。波尔津吉斯不会因为你经常念叨Godzingis就真成了Godzingis。这个问题上要相信我。我曾经尝试给尼古拉·武切维奇“Vucci Mane”这个名字，我知道这种做法行不通。
　　Group Nicknames： These most often come about when a team captures the public consciousness for a distinctive reason. Think of the Bad Boys Pistons， the Showtime Lakers， the Jail Blazers， or the Grit N’ Grind Grizzlies. They can also apply to a smaller group of players， like Run T-M-C， the Twin Towers， the Splash Brothers， the Death Lineup， Lob City， or the Flying Death Machine. When one of these catches on， it’s usually because it’s good enough to be worthy of the group it describes. With the exception of every good bench unit in NBA history adopting the moniker "The Bench Mob，" basically all of these are good. I’m very excited to see what nickname sticks for the new-age Death Lineup featuring Kevin Durant in the role of Much Better Harrison Barnes.
　　团队名字：当一支球队以独特的原因吸引公众关注后，通常会出现这类绰号。想想底特律的坏孩子军团，湖人的表演时刻，“监狱”开拓者，还有死磨硬打灰熊。这类绰号也可以适用于小群球员，比如Run T-M-C，双塔，水花兄弟，死亡阵容，空接之城，或者飞翔的死亡机器。这类名字能流行，主要还是因为很适合描述的那群人。其中的例外就是NBA历史上每一个优秀的板凳阵容用的都是“板凳匪徒”这个绰号，原因呢，也是因为他们确实很厉害。我很期待，想知道有了加强版哈里森·巴恩斯、即杜兰特的勇士新死亡阵容会有什么样的绰号。
　　Original Nicknames： The Holy Grail. This is what we need to get back to. Nicknames should arise organically， catch on， and then stick. Larry Legend， Magic， Iceman， Dr. J， Reign Man， Born Ready， White Chocolate， Tuff Juice， Dollar Bill， Boogie， Agent Zero， Psycho T—these nicknames are blessings， every one of them. A couple years ago， we almost had one of the most perfect nicknames to ever arise： Kevin Durant was going to be Slim Reaper. There was an amazing photoshop and everything. Then KD shot it down and seriously tried to get people to call him The Servant. It remains the weakest move Durant has ever made， but he has moved on and so must we all. We cannot afford to be discouraged. The work of saving NBA nicknames is simply too important.
　　原创绰号：这就是绰号界的圣杯，我们应该多想想这一类的名字。绰号应当是原创的、朗朗上口的、能够被人永远记住的。拉里传奇，魔术师，冰人，J博士，雨人，Born Ready（生来便做好准备，兰斯·斯蒂芬森），白巧克力，硬果汁（卡隆·巴特勒），美元（比尔·布拉德利），Boogie（考辛斯），零号特工，疯子T（泰勒·汉斯布鲁）——这些名字无一例外，都很完美。几年前，我们差点得到又一个完美的绰号：凯文·杜兰特差点有了Slim Reaper（瘦子死神）这个名字。有人PS出了完美的图片，什么都有。但是杜兰特拒绝了，他真的想让人们叫他“仆人”。这仍然是杜兰特最软弱的一个行为，不过他已经选择向前看了，我们也是。我们不能泄气，拯救NBA绰号的任务真的太重要了。