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“清明时节雨纷纷，”四月的阴雨勾起了我们对故人的思念。在这个日子里，让我们一同缅怀逝去的亲人，同时也祝愿那些失去亲友的人早日走出阴霾，拥抱新生活。
When coping with[应付] a death, you may go through all kinds of emotions. You may be sad,
worried, or scared. You might be shocked, unprepared, or confused. You might be feeling angry, cheated, relieved[使减轻（痛苦等）], exhausted[疲惫的], or just empty. Your emotions might be stronger or deeper than usual, or mixed together in ways you’ve never experienced before.
Sometimes, the grieving[使悲痛] process has no schedules[时间表] or time limits. Take Marissa, for instance, who lost her mother when she was very young. Now, Marissa is 17, and the road from there to here has been a long and winding[曲折的] one. She told us her story.
Marissa: I was almost five, and my sister was two. My mom was making dinner, and she lost feeling on one of the sides of her body, so she called the neighbor. They called my father, and then they called an ambulance. I really didn’t know what was going on. I was pretty scared. Then, there was an ambulance parked outside, and several strange men in our house. They were paramedics[护理人员]. They put a breathing tube[管子] up her nose, and that was the last time I ever saw her alive.
When Marissa’s dad returned from the hospital that night, he told his daughters what had happened. Their mother had suffered a brain hemorrhage[出血], and was going to die.
Marissa’s dad told the doctors to keep her mother on life
support (machines that were keeping her alive by helping her breathe) until the family could come back and say goodbye.
Marissa: I understood that she wasn’t coming back ever again. They took all the machines out and let us into the hospital room to say goodbye. I was very frightened, because at that point I knew she was dead. I didn’t have to go in if I didn’t want to, but I wanted to. My mother was in the bed, and she had a bandage[绷带] on her head from when they had done an operation to relieve the pressure in her brain. But she looked very normal to me, just like she was sleeping. It was something very comforting to me…And so, that’s when I got the chance to say goodbye. I told her I loved her, and I held her hand.
For Marissa and her family, the next step was going to the funeral.
Marissa: We were told what was going on, that it was a ceremony[仪式] for everybody to say goodbye. My mom had a rose garden at our house, and we brought roses to throw into the grave. It was explained that when you die, you return to the earth.
With her mother gone forever, Marissa was overwhelmed with all the emotions of grief [悲痛].
Marissa: I cried a lot. I was devastated[使破坏] and sad, and it created a lot of stress within our family. I had temper tantrums[发脾气] and I was really easily set off[使爆发]. I was very emotional and sensitive[敏感的]…I had a lot of anger. I felt that it wasn’t fair. I didn’t understand why it had happened to me. I didn’t understand why it happened at all, and why I deserved[应得] it. I also became very clingy[紧贴的] to my father. I didn’t like to be by myself. It inspired this fear…the fear of losing him too. My mom wasn’t sick beforehand, so it made me afraid that my dad was going to die, and that if I wasn’t with him, maybe something would happen.
Marissa was dealing with some difficult emotions, but just as hard was the day-to-day living without her mother.
Marissa: My mom’s death changed the way my life worked. It changed everything that was familiar to me, because every experience now was something without her…Nighttime was the hardest. My mom used to tuck me up[帮（孩子）盖好被子安睡]. It was very hard for me to fall asleep without that.
Back in school following her mom’s death, Marissa felt isolated[孤立的] and different from the other kids.
Marissa: No one else had experienced anything like that, and I didn’t really have anyone to talk to. I felt alone and very afraid. Once I told the other kids, it was always something that they walked on eggshells[如履薄冰，小心翼翼] about. They would make sure not to mention a parent, or they would look at you funny whenever you talked about moms or Mother’s Day.
Before Marissa started first grade, her family moved from Northern California to Los Angeles. At her new school, none of the students knew that Marissa had lost her mother, so she decided not to tell them. She even made up lies to cover the fact that her mom was dead.
Then, when Marissa was in second grade, she started going to group meetings at Our House, a Los Angeles grief support center. She met other kids who had a parent die, and it helped.
Marissa: You sit in a circle of chairs with a bunch[一群] of other kids your age who have experienced almost exactly what you’ve experienced, and they know the feeling. I felt good to go there every week and feel like I wasn’t alone. When I would go back to school, I knew that there were other people out there, at their schools, just like me. It was a great comfort. Group gave me a real sense of belonging, and it helped me work through a lot of the pain.
After Marissa’s mom died, it sometimes felt that life would never be normal again. But as she learned to work through her grief, she also learned that she could find new ways of living, and of being happy.
Marissa: My dad started reading stories to us and we had a new routine[惯例，常规]. It takes a while, but you start to find comfort in those new routines.
Many years have passed since Marissa lost her mom, and she’s past the pain and grief. Now that she’s a teenager, Marissa helps other kids who have had a parent die by volunteering as a Teen Group Leader at Our House, the same organization that helped her.
Marissa: All the kids know when I introduce myself to them that my mother died. They’re free to ask me any personal questions about how I felt, how I dealt with things, anything that they want to. It makes it so that they have an example of someone who’s come out of what they’re feeling and been through it. And it’s okay. I’m okay. I’m normal. I’m happy…and they can just kind of see that.
面对亲友离世，你可能会经历各种各样的情绪。你可能会感到悲伤、焦虑或者恐惧；你也可能感到震惊、不知所措，甚至困惑不解；又或者感到愤怒、受骗、释然、精疲力竭，或者只感觉到空虚。此时，你的情绪可能比平时来得更强烈、更深刻，或者各种情绪以你从未领略过的方式混杂在一起，五味杂陈。
有时，死亡带给人的悲哀会随时发生，也没有时限。例如像玛丽莎所经历的那样——她年幼时就失去了母亲。现在玛丽莎已经17岁，从母亲去世到现在，她走过了一段漫长而曲折的路程。她为我们讲述了自己的故事。
玛丽莎：当时我差不多五岁，妹妹只有两岁。妈妈在做饭，突然半边身体失去了知觉，于是她向邻居求助。他们打电话给爸爸，然后叫了一辆救护车。我完全不知道发生了什么事情，感到很害怕。然后，一辆救护车停在屋外，屋里来了几个陌生人，是医护人员。他们在妈妈的鼻子里插了一条呼吸管。那就是我最后一次见到她还活着的样子。
那天晚上，玛丽莎的爸爸回来后把情况告诉了女儿。她们的母亲脑溢血，就要死去。玛丽莎的父亲请医生使用维生设备（帮助病人呼吸以维持生命的机器设备），好让家人能够到场跟她道别。
玛丽莎：我知道妈妈再也不会回来了。他们把设备全部撤走，让我们进病房和她道别。我很害怕，因为那时我知道她已经死了。要是不愿意，我可以不进去。但我想进去。妈妈躺在床上，头上缠着绷带，那是医生为了减轻她脑颅的压力动了手术后缠上去的。但她在我看来仍是那么熟悉，就像睡着了一样。这对我来说是很大的安慰……那是我还有机会道别的时候。我握住她的手，告诉她我爱她。
对玛丽莎和家人而言，下一步就是举行葬礼。
玛丽莎：我们被告知这是一个让大家向妈妈道别的仪式。妈妈以前在家里有一个小玫瑰园，我们就从那里摘了玫瑰，抛到她的墓穴里。人们说，人死了就会回归土地。
母亲永远离开这个世界以后，玛丽莎被悲伤带来的各种情绪淹没了。
玛丽莎：我经常哭，伤心欲绝，这给我们家带来了浓重的紧张气氛。我经常发脾气，很容易发火，极度情绪化，也极其敏感……我满怀怨恨，感到愤愤不平。我不明白为什么这样的事会发生在我身上，为什么会发生这样的事，为什么我就该受这样的罪。同时，我变得非常依赖爸爸，不愿意一个人待着。独处使我更加害怕……害怕我也会失去父亲。妈妈之前没有任何病兆，所以我怕爸爸也会这样死去，生怕如果不在他身边他就会出事。
玛丽莎不仅要应付这些复杂的情绪，没有母亲的日常生活也同样艰难。
玛丽莎：妈妈的死改变了我的生活方式，改变了我熟悉的一切，因为从那以后，我所经历的每一件事情都不再有她陪伴……夜晚是最难熬的时候。以前妈妈总会为我掖好被子。但现在不再是这样，我难以入眠。
母亲去世后，当玛丽莎回到学校时，她感到孤立无援，觉得自己与其他孩子不一样了。
玛丽莎：其他孩子都没经历过这样的事情，我找不到可以倾诉的对象。我感到很孤单，很害怕。自从我对其他小孩说了这件事，他们总是如履薄冰。他们会小心地避开父母亲的字眼，或者当你提起妈妈或母亲节时，他们就会用奇怪的眼神看你。
玛丽莎上一年级之前，她家从加利福尼亚北部搬到洛杉矶。新学校里没有同学知道她的母亲已经不在了，所以她决定不说出来。她甚至为了隐瞒母亲去世这一实情而撒谎。
升上二年级时，玛丽莎开始参加“我们的家”这一聚会，那是洛杉矶一个心灵伤痛者援助中心。在那里，她遇见了同样失去了父母其中一方的孩子，这给了她莫大帮助。
玛丽莎：你和很多同龄孩子一起坐在围成一圈的椅子上，这些孩子有着和你几乎一模一样的经历，他们能明白你的感受。每周去那里，我觉得舒服多了，觉得不再只有我一个人在承受。回到学校时，我知道还有其他人，他们在各自的学校里，也和我一样。这是很大的安慰。这样的群体给了我一种真实的归属感，帮我战胜了许多痛苦。
母亲去世以后，玛丽莎有时会觉得自己无法再正常地生活下去。但随着她慢慢学会克服伤痛，她也明白到自己能够找到新的生活方式，幸福的方式。
玛丽莎：爸爸开始给我们讲故事，我们也有了新的生活规律。要习惯那些新规律需要花点时间，但你会从中找到慰藉。
母亲去世已经多年，玛丽莎的痛苦和悲伤已经成为过去。现在她已经是一名青少年，也加入了曾经帮助过她的那个机构——“我们的家”，作为少年组领队帮助其他失去了父母的孩子。
玛丽莎：在作自我介绍的时候，所有孩子都知道我妈妈已经去世。他们可以毫无顾忌地问我各种私人问题，比如我的感受、我如何面对事情等等，他们可以问任何想知道的事情。这样他们就可以有一个榜样，一个已经从他们现在所感受和经历的事情当中走出来的榜样。没什么大不了的。我很好，我很正常，我很快乐……他们或多或少能从中看到（未来的自己）。
When coping with[应付] a death, you may go through all kinds of emotions. You may be sad,
worried, or scared. You might be shocked, unprepared, or confused. You might be feeling angry, cheated, relieved[使减轻（痛苦等）], exhausted[疲惫的], or just empty. Your emotions might be stronger or deeper than usual, or mixed together in ways you’ve never experienced before.
Sometimes, the grieving[使悲痛] process has no schedules[时间表] or time limits. Take Marissa, for instance, who lost her mother when she was very young. Now, Marissa is 17, and the road from there to here has been a long and winding[曲折的] one. She told us her story.
Marissa: I was almost five, and my sister was two. My mom was making dinner, and she lost feeling on one of the sides of her body, so she called the neighbor. They called my father, and then they called an ambulance. I really didn’t know what was going on. I was pretty scared. Then, there was an ambulance parked outside, and several strange men in our house. They were paramedics[护理人员]. They put a breathing tube[管子] up her nose, and that was the last time I ever saw her alive.
When Marissa’s dad returned from the hospital that night, he told his daughters what had happened. Their mother had suffered a brain hemorrhage[出血], and was going to die.
Marissa’s dad told the doctors to keep her mother on life
support (machines that were keeping her alive by helping her breathe) until the family could come back and say goodbye.
Marissa: I understood that she wasn’t coming back ever again. They took all the machines out and let us into the hospital room to say goodbye. I was very frightened, because at that point I knew she was dead. I didn’t have to go in if I didn’t want to, but I wanted to. My mother was in the bed, and she had a bandage[绷带] on her head from when they had done an operation to relieve the pressure in her brain. But she looked very normal to me, just like she was sleeping. It was something very comforting to me…And so, that’s when I got the chance to say goodbye. I told her I loved her, and I held her hand.
For Marissa and her family, the next step was going to the funeral.
Marissa: We were told what was going on, that it was a ceremony[仪式] for everybody to say goodbye. My mom had a rose garden at our house, and we brought roses to throw into the grave. It was explained that when you die, you return to the earth.
With her mother gone forever, Marissa was overwhelmed with all the emotions of grief [悲痛].
Marissa: I cried a lot. I was devastated[使破坏] and sad, and it created a lot of stress within our family. I had temper tantrums[发脾气] and I was really easily set off[使爆发]. I was very emotional and sensitive[敏感的]…I had a lot of anger. I felt that it wasn’t fair. I didn’t understand why it had happened to me. I didn’t understand why it happened at all, and why I deserved[应得] it. I also became very clingy[紧贴的] to my father. I didn’t like to be by myself. It inspired this fear…the fear of losing him too. My mom wasn’t sick beforehand, so it made me afraid that my dad was going to die, and that if I wasn’t with him, maybe something would happen.
Marissa was dealing with some difficult emotions, but just as hard was the day-to-day living without her mother.
Marissa: My mom’s death changed the way my life worked. It changed everything that was familiar to me, because every experience now was something without her…Nighttime was the hardest. My mom used to tuck me up[帮（孩子）盖好被子安睡]. It was very hard for me to fall asleep without that.
Back in school following her mom’s death, Marissa felt isolated[孤立的] and different from the other kids.
Marissa: No one else had experienced anything like that, and I didn’t really have anyone to talk to. I felt alone and very afraid. Once I told the other kids, it was always something that they walked on eggshells[如履薄冰，小心翼翼] about. They would make sure not to mention a parent, or they would look at you funny whenever you talked about moms or Mother’s Day.
Before Marissa started first grade, her family moved from Northern California to Los Angeles. At her new school, none of the students knew that Marissa had lost her mother, so she decided not to tell them. She even made up lies to cover the fact that her mom was dead.
Then, when Marissa was in second grade, she started going to group meetings at Our House, a Los Angeles grief support center. She met other kids who had a parent die, and it helped.
Marissa: You sit in a circle of chairs with a bunch[一群] of other kids your age who have experienced almost exactly what you’ve experienced, and they know the feeling. I felt good to go there every week and feel like I wasn’t alone. When I would go back to school, I knew that there were other people out there, at their schools, just like me. It was a great comfort. Group gave me a real sense of belonging, and it helped me work through a lot of the pain.
After Marissa’s mom died, it sometimes felt that life would never be normal again. But as she learned to work through her grief, she also learned that she could find new ways of living, and of being happy.
Marissa: My dad started reading stories to us and we had a new routine[惯例，常规]. It takes a while, but you start to find comfort in those new routines.
Many years have passed since Marissa lost her mom, and she’s past the pain and grief. Now that she’s a teenager, Marissa helps other kids who have had a parent die by volunteering as a Teen Group Leader at Our House, the same organization that helped her.
Marissa: All the kids know when I introduce myself to them that my mother died. They’re free to ask me any personal questions about how I felt, how I dealt with things, anything that they want to. It makes it so that they have an example of someone who’s come out of what they’re feeling and been through it. And it’s okay. I’m okay. I’m normal. I’m happy…and they can just kind of see that.
面对亲友离世，你可能会经历各种各样的情绪。你可能会感到悲伤、焦虑或者恐惧；你也可能感到震惊、不知所措，甚至困惑不解；又或者感到愤怒、受骗、释然、精疲力竭，或者只感觉到空虚。此时，你的情绪可能比平时来得更强烈、更深刻，或者各种情绪以你从未领略过的方式混杂在一起，五味杂陈。
有时，死亡带给人的悲哀会随时发生，也没有时限。例如像玛丽莎所经历的那样——她年幼时就失去了母亲。现在玛丽莎已经17岁，从母亲去世到现在，她走过了一段漫长而曲折的路程。她为我们讲述了自己的故事。
玛丽莎：当时我差不多五岁，妹妹只有两岁。妈妈在做饭，突然半边身体失去了知觉，于是她向邻居求助。他们打电话给爸爸，然后叫了一辆救护车。我完全不知道发生了什么事情，感到很害怕。然后，一辆救护车停在屋外，屋里来了几个陌生人，是医护人员。他们在妈妈的鼻子里插了一条呼吸管。那就是我最后一次见到她还活着的样子。
那天晚上，玛丽莎的爸爸回来后把情况告诉了女儿。她们的母亲脑溢血，就要死去。玛丽莎的父亲请医生使用维生设备（帮助病人呼吸以维持生命的机器设备），好让家人能够到场跟她道别。
玛丽莎：我知道妈妈再也不会回来了。他们把设备全部撤走，让我们进病房和她道别。我很害怕，因为那时我知道她已经死了。要是不愿意，我可以不进去。但我想进去。妈妈躺在床上，头上缠着绷带，那是医生为了减轻她脑颅的压力动了手术后缠上去的。但她在我看来仍是那么熟悉，就像睡着了一样。这对我来说是很大的安慰……那是我还有机会道别的时候。我握住她的手，告诉她我爱她。
对玛丽莎和家人而言，下一步就是举行葬礼。
玛丽莎：我们被告知这是一个让大家向妈妈道别的仪式。妈妈以前在家里有一个小玫瑰园，我们就从那里摘了玫瑰，抛到她的墓穴里。人们说，人死了就会回归土地。
母亲永远离开这个世界以后，玛丽莎被悲伤带来的各种情绪淹没了。
玛丽莎：我经常哭，伤心欲绝，这给我们家带来了浓重的紧张气氛。我经常发脾气，很容易发火，极度情绪化，也极其敏感……我满怀怨恨，感到愤愤不平。我不明白为什么这样的事会发生在我身上，为什么会发生这样的事，为什么我就该受这样的罪。同时，我变得非常依赖爸爸，不愿意一个人待着。独处使我更加害怕……害怕我也会失去父亲。妈妈之前没有任何病兆，所以我怕爸爸也会这样死去，生怕如果不在他身边他就会出事。
玛丽莎不仅要应付这些复杂的情绪，没有母亲的日常生活也同样艰难。
玛丽莎：妈妈的死改变了我的生活方式，改变了我熟悉的一切，因为从那以后，我所经历的每一件事情都不再有她陪伴……夜晚是最难熬的时候。以前妈妈总会为我掖好被子。但现在不再是这样，我难以入眠。
母亲去世后，当玛丽莎回到学校时，她感到孤立无援，觉得自己与其他孩子不一样了。
玛丽莎：其他孩子都没经历过这样的事情，我找不到可以倾诉的对象。我感到很孤单，很害怕。自从我对其他小孩说了这件事，他们总是如履薄冰。他们会小心地避开父母亲的字眼，或者当你提起妈妈或母亲节时，他们就会用奇怪的眼神看你。
玛丽莎上一年级之前，她家从加利福尼亚北部搬到洛杉矶。新学校里没有同学知道她的母亲已经不在了，所以她决定不说出来。她甚至为了隐瞒母亲去世这一实情而撒谎。
升上二年级时，玛丽莎开始参加“我们的家”这一聚会，那是洛杉矶一个心灵伤痛者援助中心。在那里，她遇见了同样失去了父母其中一方的孩子，这给了她莫大帮助。
玛丽莎：你和很多同龄孩子一起坐在围成一圈的椅子上，这些孩子有着和你几乎一模一样的经历，他们能明白你的感受。每周去那里，我觉得舒服多了，觉得不再只有我一个人在承受。回到学校时，我知道还有其他人，他们在各自的学校里，也和我一样。这是很大的安慰。这样的群体给了我一种真实的归属感，帮我战胜了许多痛苦。
母亲去世以后，玛丽莎有时会觉得自己无法再正常地生活下去。但随着她慢慢学会克服伤痛，她也明白到自己能够找到新的生活方式，幸福的方式。
玛丽莎：爸爸开始给我们讲故事，我们也有了新的生活规律。要习惯那些新规律需要花点时间，但你会从中找到慰藉。
母亲去世已经多年，玛丽莎的痛苦和悲伤已经成为过去。现在她已经是一名青少年，也加入了曾经帮助过她的那个机构——“我们的家”，作为少年组领队帮助其他失去了父母的孩子。
玛丽莎：在作自我介绍的时候，所有孩子都知道我妈妈已经去世。他们可以毫无顾忌地问我各种私人问题，比如我的感受、我如何面对事情等等，他们可以问任何想知道的事情。这样他们就可以有一个榜样，一个已经从他们现在所感受和经历的事情当中走出来的榜样。没什么大不了的。我很好，我很正常，我很快乐……他们或多或少能从中看到（未来的自己）。