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My puppy love ended in October in 2004. Unfortunately, at the same time, I attended an unideal college. Maybe no girl can go through such double unexpected hurt alone at the springtime of, confidence and innocence.
As most people, I didn’t pluck up at once but to choose decadence. I think that life is hopeless and the world I live in suddenly becomes covered with darkness. For a long time I didn’t put my heart into study, instead of involving myself in the continuous pain. The memories ofthe first love is still in my mind while the summer full of happiness always ends. The blue feeling persists throughout nights and days.
Later on, I got sick. My health was getting worse and worse. I desperated thorougly, thinking that my doomsday was coming. Actually, the disaster changed my attitude towards life finally. Every day I took medicine and injectinos. Such terrible life was reasonable to be tired of. But when I saw my parents went everywhere so hard, looking for prescriptions for me, I couldn’t refuse accepting the cure, but to cooperate well with them.
I still spent every cruel second. However, my heart and soul was no longer desprate. Because the parental love was saving my hurted soul as the spring for the green trees in the vast desert. The warries of my Mom and the bustle of my Dad remind me that how important I am to them. How can I believe their love?
My sickness ended up with a small operation and my life is sure to have a new start. During the days I was ill I felt deeply that life is cherious. Don’t we appreciate it while having good health? There is love in the world, but not only the love. Whats supreme is the family love. Many times we always compain nothing we have when we own a lot. As a metter of fact,love is in our lives, it just needs yourfind.
My story is over. But my life will continue, it will continue with such belief: Don’t drop easily anytime for no time is the darkest one without anything we own!
广东揭阳学院英语教育 044班 卢洁旋
Commentary
这篇日记作者讲述自己在经历了“puppy love ended”和“attended an unideal college”双重打击后的身心变化过程，令读者欣喜的是：历经“挫折”的她，不仅身体得以康复，而且生活观也发生了积极变化。
日记写作中使用了丰富多彩的句式和一定的比喻修辞手法，情感描写细腻感人，值得学习和模仿。
语言表达上存在三方面问题：①单词拼写错误，如：hurted（hurt），warries（worries），compain（complain），metter （matter）。②错误表达方式，如days and nights应改为day and night；desperated并非动词（是形容词），应改为became desperate；并没有cherious这个词，应把原句改为“...life should be cherished.”。③汉语表达方式，如：“...the summer full of happiness always ends.”宜改为“...the summer full of happiness has gone out of mind.”；“...as the spring for the green trees in the vast desert.”应改为“...as the spring does for the green trees in the vast desert.”；“...but not only the love.”改为“...but there are varied loves.”才能更好地与下一句衔接；“...we always compain nothing we have...”宜改为“...we always complain of having nothing...”；“love is in our lives, it just needs your find.”应改为“love is in our life, it just needs you to find.”。可见，写作过程中一定要考虑语言的得体性，即是否符合英语表达习惯。
另外，第二段尾句“How can I believe their love?”感觉与上下文内容无法衔接，是否可改为“How can I live without their love?”。下列句子“Such terrible life was reasonable to be tired of.”“Don’t we appreciate it while having good health?”“Don’t drop easily anytime for no time is the darkest one without anything we own!”语言晦涩，似乎难以准确表达作者的意思。
——赵临（山东曲阜师范大学附属中学高级教师，E-mail: qufu_linzhao@yahoo.com.cn.）
This story, about the pain and sorrow of losing one’s first love, and about the author’s own struggle for a cure to her affliction, shows us the importance of family and of recognizing our blessings in life.The author’s emotions permeate the piece, and her despair seems real and heartfelt.But this piece also contains many errors in grammar, diction and spelling, and much of the feeling is muddled or even lost in these mistakes.
First, I’m not certain what “unideal” means, but assume the author intends to say her college was less than ideal.To say something is less than ideal, or less than perfect, does not convey the sense of dissatisfaction that the author seems to feel about this situation.
Secondly, the author begins her piece in the past tense, but then shifts unexpectedly between the present and past tense when describing events of the past.Sometimes an author may use the present tense to describe events of the past because it creates a more vivid feeling, as though the events are unfolding before the reader’s eyes.But whether it is the past or the present, one tense must be maintained throughout the entire piece.
Thirdly, there are many spelling mistakes, such as “desperated thoroughly”, “injectinos”, “desprate”, “hurted”, “warries”, “cherious”, “compain”, “metter” and “anytime”(versus any time). For most of these mistakes, a native speaker can guess what the author intends, but for some of the mistakes it is unclear what the intended meaning is, and they add to an overall feeling of confusion about the writing.
Lastly, the author makes use of many metaphors, such as the descriptions of springtime of confidence and innocence, the vast desert, darkness, etc.These can enrich writing and create brilliant images in the mind of the reader, but when misused, as they sometimes are in this piece, they can also greatly confuse the reader.I would suggest that the author avoid using language that is grandly poetic or sentimental until the more fundamental issues of grammar and structure are resolved.
—Frank Carlson(本刊编辑：frankncarlson@gmail.com)
As most people, I didn’t pluck up at once but to choose decadence. I think that life is hopeless and the world I live in suddenly becomes covered with darkness. For a long time I didn’t put my heart into study, instead of involving myself in the continuous pain. The memories ofthe first love is still in my mind while the summer full of happiness always ends. The blue feeling persists throughout nights and days.
Later on, I got sick. My health was getting worse and worse. I desperated thorougly, thinking that my doomsday was coming. Actually, the disaster changed my attitude towards life finally. Every day I took medicine and injectinos. Such terrible life was reasonable to be tired of. But when I saw my parents went everywhere so hard, looking for prescriptions for me, I couldn’t refuse accepting the cure, but to cooperate well with them.
I still spent every cruel second. However, my heart and soul was no longer desprate. Because the parental love was saving my hurted soul as the spring for the green trees in the vast desert. The warries of my Mom and the bustle of my Dad remind me that how important I am to them. How can I believe their love?
My sickness ended up with a small operation and my life is sure to have a new start. During the days I was ill I felt deeply that life is cherious. Don’t we appreciate it while having good health? There is love in the world, but not only the love. Whats supreme is the family love. Many times we always compain nothing we have when we own a lot. As a metter of fact,love is in our lives, it just needs yourfind.
My story is over. But my life will continue, it will continue with such belief: Don’t drop easily anytime for no time is the darkest one without anything we own!
广东揭阳学院英语教育 044班 卢洁旋
Commentary
这篇日记作者讲述自己在经历了“puppy love ended”和“attended an unideal college”双重打击后的身心变化过程，令读者欣喜的是：历经“挫折”的她，不仅身体得以康复，而且生活观也发生了积极变化。
日记写作中使用了丰富多彩的句式和一定的比喻修辞手法，情感描写细腻感人，值得学习和模仿。
语言表达上存在三方面问题：①单词拼写错误，如：hurted（hurt），warries（worries），compain（complain），metter （matter）。②错误表达方式，如days and nights应改为day and night；desperated并非动词（是形容词），应改为became desperate；并没有cherious这个词，应把原句改为“...life should be cherished.”。③汉语表达方式，如：“...the summer full of happiness always ends.”宜改为“...the summer full of happiness has gone out of mind.”；“...as the spring for the green trees in the vast desert.”应改为“...as the spring does for the green trees in the vast desert.”；“...but not only the love.”改为“...but there are varied loves.”才能更好地与下一句衔接；“...we always compain nothing we have...”宜改为“...we always complain of having nothing...”；“love is in our lives, it just needs your find.”应改为“love is in our life, it just needs you to find.”。可见，写作过程中一定要考虑语言的得体性，即是否符合英语表达习惯。
另外，第二段尾句“How can I believe their love?”感觉与上下文内容无法衔接，是否可改为“How can I live without their love?”。下列句子“Such terrible life was reasonable to be tired of.”“Don’t we appreciate it while having good health?”“Don’t drop easily anytime for no time is the darkest one without anything we own!”语言晦涩，似乎难以准确表达作者的意思。
——赵临（山东曲阜师范大学附属中学高级教师，E-mail: qufu_linzhao@yahoo.com.cn.）
This story, about the pain and sorrow of losing one’s first love, and about the author’s own struggle for a cure to her affliction, shows us the importance of family and of recognizing our blessings in life.The author’s emotions permeate the piece, and her despair seems real and heartfelt.But this piece also contains many errors in grammar, diction and spelling, and much of the feeling is muddled or even lost in these mistakes.
First, I’m not certain what “unideal” means, but assume the author intends to say her college was less than ideal.To say something is less than ideal, or less than perfect, does not convey the sense of dissatisfaction that the author seems to feel about this situation.
Secondly, the author begins her piece in the past tense, but then shifts unexpectedly between the present and past tense when describing events of the past.Sometimes an author may use the present tense to describe events of the past because it creates a more vivid feeling, as though the events are unfolding before the reader’s eyes.But whether it is the past or the present, one tense must be maintained throughout the entire piece.
Thirdly, there are many spelling mistakes, such as “desperated thoroughly”, “injectinos”, “desprate”, “hurted”, “warries”, “cherious”, “compain”, “metter” and “anytime”(versus any time). For most of these mistakes, a native speaker can guess what the author intends, but for some of the mistakes it is unclear what the intended meaning is, and they add to an overall feeling of confusion about the writing.
Lastly, the author makes use of many metaphors, such as the descriptions of springtime of confidence and innocence, the vast desert, darkness, etc.These can enrich writing and create brilliant images in the mind of the reader, but when misused, as they sometimes are in this piece, they can also greatly confuse the reader.I would suggest that the author avoid using language that is grandly poetic or sentimental until the more fundamental issues of grammar and structure are resolved.
—Frank Carlson(本刊编辑：frankncarlson@gmail.com)