论文部分内容阅读
A
阅读下列材料,以Sports development of China为题写一篇短文｡
参加亚运会情况
1974年首次参加亚运会;从1982年起6届亚运会金牌总数均列第一｡
参加奥运会情况
1984年首次参加夏季奥运会,夺得15枚金牌,金牌总数位列第四;参加1992年､1996年的第25､26届奥运会,均夺得16枚金牌,均列金牌榜第四;参加2000年悉尼奥运会,夺得28枚金牌,列金牌榜第三;参加2004年雅典奥运会,夺得32枚金牌,列金牌榜第二｡
举办运动会情况
1990年举办第十一届亚运会并获得圆满成功;随后多次举办大型国际运动会;2008年第29届奥运会将在北京举行;2010年第16届亚运会将在广州举行｡
注意: 1. 字数: 100-120
2. 尽可能采用不同的表达方式
学生习作:
Since the founding of new China, sports has always being①developing in our country. In 1974, our country came to the Asian Games and ∧② won the largest number of gold medals in the past six Asian Games since 1982. New China began to compete in the summer’s③ Olympic Games in 1984, and won the fourth place with 15 gold medals. In both the 25th and 26th Olympic Games, we won 16 gold medals and ranked fourth. In 2004, for ∧④ first time, we ranked third with 28 gold medals. In 2004, we won 32 gold medals and ranked second in the Athens Olympic Games.
At the same time, our country tries to improve the ability of host⑤ international games. In 1990, we hosted the 11th Asian Games successful⑥. In the following years, we hosted many large international games. To our pride⑦, the 29th Olympic Games will be held in Beijing and the 16th Asian Games will be held in Guangzhou.
Clearly, our country is becoming a powerful one in sports.
修改说明: ① 现在完成进行时结构为has/have been doing,因此being应改为been｡② since 1982要求此处为现在完成时,won前面应加has｡③ 此处没有所属关系,summer’s应改为summer｡④ first为序数词,前面应加the｡⑤ of为介词,后面应接动名词做宾语,host应改为hosting｡⑥ hosted为行为动词,应用副词修饰,successful应改为successfully｡⑦ 此词运用甚妙,道出作者对奥运会在我国举行的自豪感｡
点评: 本篇书面表达为说明文｡小作者根据写作要求从参加亚运会情况､参加奥运会情况､举办运动会情况三个角度交待文章的信息,而每个角度又以时间为顺序交待具体的细节,文章构思巧妙,有较强的结构美｡尤其字里行间透出的民族自豪感诚实可信,朴实感人｡At the same time, To our pride, Clearly等过渡性词汇的使用既增添了文章的逻辑性,又体现了作者的民族自豪感｡值得一提的是,对于相似内容的表达作者尽可能采用了不同表达方式,体现出较强的驾驭语言的能力｡所有这些都成为本文的骄人之处｡然而本文也有不成熟之处,易混词误用错误､时态错误､名词所有格错误､冠词错误､非谓语动词错误､形容词副词混用错误,这表明小作者语言表达能力还有待提高｡然而从总体上讲本文不失为一篇成功之作,值得广大读者学习｡
参考答案:
Since the founding of new China, sports has always been developing in our country. In 1974, our country came to the Asian Games and has won the largest number of gold medals in the past six Asian Games since 1982. New China began to compete in the summer Olympic Games in 1984, and won the fourth place with 15 gold medals. In both the 25th and 26th Olympic Games, we won 16 gold medals and ranked fourth. In 2000, for the first time, we ranked third with 28 gold medals. In 2004, we won 32 gold medals and ranked second in the Athens Olympic Games.
At the same time, our country tries to improve the ability of hosting international games. In 1990, we hosted the 11th Asian Games successfully. In the following years, we hosted many large international games. To our pride, the 29th Olympic Games will be held in Beijing and the 16th Asian Games will be held in Guangzhou.
Clearly, our country is becoming a powerful one in sports.
B
阅读下列材料以“Friendship”为题写一篇短文｡
为什么需要友谊?
每个人都会遇到各种困难,没有朋友难以重新开始;得意时需要朋友分享你的快乐｡
失意时需要朋友倾听你的诉说｡
如何寻找朋友?
寻找真诚､善良､友好､重感情､乐于助人的人做朋友;寻找有共同理想和相同兴趣的人做朋友｡
怎样浇灌友谊之花?
朋友有困难时帮助､支持朋友｡
朋友有错误时原谅,他(她)信任他(她)｡
学生习作:
Friendship
Everyone can hardly live without friendship. As we all know, all of us are sure to meet with all kinds of hardships. If we have not① friend to help us, we can hardly have a new start. When you have made great progresses② in your work, you need a friend to share your a③ pleasure. On the other hand, when you suffer a loss, you need a friend to listen to you to④ open your heart.
How to find friends? A friend should first ∧⑤ true, kind, friendly, and of course value friendship and like to help others. If you can find a person with the same belief and interest, it is sure⑥ much better. Help your friend when he or she is in the⑦ trouble. When your friend has done something wrong, try to forgive and have confidence in him or her.
修改说明: ① not不可修饰名词,应改为no｡② progress为不可数名词,无复数,progresses应改为progress｡③ pleasure前面已有限定词your修饰,应去掉a｡④ listen to后面接不定式做宾语补足语时不带to,应去掉to｡⑤ true为形容词,不可做谓语,前面应加be｡⑥ better为形容词,应用副词修饰,sure应改为surely｡⑦ in trouble是习语,trouble不能加the｡
点评: 小作者根据写作要求从为什么需要友谊､如何寻找朋友､怎样浇灌友谊之花等角度有序地交待,文章层次清晰,说理透彻｡As we all know, On the other hand, and等过渡性词汇的使用使文章逻辑更严密,表达更清楚｡hardly, of course等情感性副词的使用增强了文章的情感性｡定语从句､条件状语从句､时间状语从句等高级表达方式的运用使文章表达效果更好,表达档次更高｡所有这些成为本文一道道亮丽的风景｡然而本文也存在一些不足之处,易混词误用错误､名词单复数错误､冠词错误､非谓语动词错误､缺少动词错误､形容词副词混用错误等,这表明小作者尚需继续努力,提高语言表达技巧｡总体上讲本文不失为一篇成功之作,值得同学们借鉴｡
参考答案:
Friendship
A person can hardly live without friendship. As we all know, all of us are sure to meet with all kinds of hardships. If we have no friend to help us, we can hardly have a new start. When you have made great progress in your work, you need a friend to share your pleasure. On the other hand, when you suffer a loss, you need a friend to listen to you open your heart.
How to find friends? A friend should first be true, kind, friendly, and of course value friendship and like to help others. If you can find a person with the same belief and interest, it is surely much better. Help your friend when he or she is in trouble. When your friend has done something wrong, try to forgive and have faith in him or her.
阅读下列材料,以Sports development of China为题写一篇短文｡
参加亚运会情况
1974年首次参加亚运会;从1982年起6届亚运会金牌总数均列第一｡
参加奥运会情况
1984年首次参加夏季奥运会,夺得15枚金牌,金牌总数位列第四;参加1992年､1996年的第25､26届奥运会,均夺得16枚金牌,均列金牌榜第四;参加2000年悉尼奥运会,夺得28枚金牌,列金牌榜第三;参加2004年雅典奥运会,夺得32枚金牌,列金牌榜第二｡
举办运动会情况
1990年举办第十一届亚运会并获得圆满成功;随后多次举办大型国际运动会;2008年第29届奥运会将在北京举行;2010年第16届亚运会将在广州举行｡
注意: 1. 字数: 100-120
2. 尽可能采用不同的表达方式
学生习作:
Since the founding of new China, sports has always being①developing in our country. In 1974, our country came to the Asian Games and ∧② won the largest number of gold medals in the past six Asian Games since 1982. New China began to compete in the summer’s③ Olympic Games in 1984, and won the fourth place with 15 gold medals. In both the 25th and 26th Olympic Games, we won 16 gold medals and ranked fourth. In 2004, for ∧④ first time, we ranked third with 28 gold medals. In 2004, we won 32 gold medals and ranked second in the Athens Olympic Games.
At the same time, our country tries to improve the ability of host⑤ international games. In 1990, we hosted the 11th Asian Games successful⑥. In the following years, we hosted many large international games. To our pride⑦, the 29th Olympic Games will be held in Beijing and the 16th Asian Games will be held in Guangzhou.
Clearly, our country is becoming a powerful one in sports.
修改说明: ① 现在完成进行时结构为has/have been doing,因此being应改为been｡② since 1982要求此处为现在完成时,won前面应加has｡③ 此处没有所属关系,summer’s应改为summer｡④ first为序数词,前面应加the｡⑤ of为介词,后面应接动名词做宾语,host应改为hosting｡⑥ hosted为行为动词,应用副词修饰,successful应改为successfully｡⑦ 此词运用甚妙,道出作者对奥运会在我国举行的自豪感｡
点评: 本篇书面表达为说明文｡小作者根据写作要求从参加亚运会情况､参加奥运会情况､举办运动会情况三个角度交待文章的信息,而每个角度又以时间为顺序交待具体的细节,文章构思巧妙,有较强的结构美｡尤其字里行间透出的民族自豪感诚实可信,朴实感人｡At the same time, To our pride, Clearly等过渡性词汇的使用既增添了文章的逻辑性,又体现了作者的民族自豪感｡值得一提的是,对于相似内容的表达作者尽可能采用了不同表达方式,体现出较强的驾驭语言的能力｡所有这些都成为本文的骄人之处｡然而本文也有不成熟之处,易混词误用错误､时态错误､名词所有格错误､冠词错误､非谓语动词错误､形容词副词混用错误,这表明小作者语言表达能力还有待提高｡然而从总体上讲本文不失为一篇成功之作,值得广大读者学习｡
参考答案:
Since the founding of new China, sports has always been developing in our country. In 1974, our country came to the Asian Games and has won the largest number of gold medals in the past six Asian Games since 1982. New China began to compete in the summer Olympic Games in 1984, and won the fourth place with 15 gold medals. In both the 25th and 26th Olympic Games, we won 16 gold medals and ranked fourth. In 2000, for the first time, we ranked third with 28 gold medals. In 2004, we won 32 gold medals and ranked second in the Athens Olympic Games.
At the same time, our country tries to improve the ability of hosting international games. In 1990, we hosted the 11th Asian Games successfully. In the following years, we hosted many large international games. To our pride, the 29th Olympic Games will be held in Beijing and the 16th Asian Games will be held in Guangzhou.
Clearly, our country is becoming a powerful one in sports.
B
阅读下列材料以“Friendship”为题写一篇短文｡
为什么需要友谊?
每个人都会遇到各种困难,没有朋友难以重新开始;得意时需要朋友分享你的快乐｡
失意时需要朋友倾听你的诉说｡
如何寻找朋友?
寻找真诚､善良､友好､重感情､乐于助人的人做朋友;寻找有共同理想和相同兴趣的人做朋友｡
怎样浇灌友谊之花?
朋友有困难时帮助､支持朋友｡
朋友有错误时原谅,他(她)信任他(她)｡
学生习作:
Friendship
Everyone can hardly live without friendship. As we all know, all of us are sure to meet with all kinds of hardships. If we have not① friend to help us, we can hardly have a new start. When you have made great progresses② in your work, you need a friend to share your a③ pleasure. On the other hand, when you suffer a loss, you need a friend to listen to you to④ open your heart.
How to find friends? A friend should first ∧⑤ true, kind, friendly, and of course value friendship and like to help others. If you can find a person with the same belief and interest, it is sure⑥ much better. Help your friend when he or she is in the⑦ trouble. When your friend has done something wrong, try to forgive and have confidence in him or her.
修改说明: ① not不可修饰名词,应改为no｡② progress为不可数名词,无复数,progresses应改为progress｡③ pleasure前面已有限定词your修饰,应去掉a｡④ listen to后面接不定式做宾语补足语时不带to,应去掉to｡⑤ true为形容词,不可做谓语,前面应加be｡⑥ better为形容词,应用副词修饰,sure应改为surely｡⑦ in trouble是习语,trouble不能加the｡
点评: 小作者根据写作要求从为什么需要友谊､如何寻找朋友､怎样浇灌友谊之花等角度有序地交待,文章层次清晰,说理透彻｡As we all know, On the other hand, and等过渡性词汇的使用使文章逻辑更严密,表达更清楚｡hardly, of course等情感性副词的使用增强了文章的情感性｡定语从句､条件状语从句､时间状语从句等高级表达方式的运用使文章表达效果更好,表达档次更高｡所有这些成为本文一道道亮丽的风景｡然而本文也存在一些不足之处,易混词误用错误､名词单复数错误､冠词错误､非谓语动词错误､缺少动词错误､形容词副词混用错误等,这表明小作者尚需继续努力,提高语言表达技巧｡总体上讲本文不失为一篇成功之作,值得同学们借鉴｡
参考答案:
Friendship
A person can hardly live without friendship. As we all know, all of us are sure to meet with all kinds of hardships. If we have no friend to help us, we can hardly have a new start. When you have made great progress in your work, you need a friend to share your pleasure. On the other hand, when you suffer a loss, you need a friend to listen to you open your heart.
How to find friends? A friend should first be true, kind, friendly, and of course value friendship and like to help others. If you can find a person with the same belief and interest, it is surely much better. Help your friend when he or she is in trouble. When your friend has done something wrong, try to forgive and have faith in him or her.