不如放手

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  Better Let Go Than Hold On
  2我们这一生要走过许多地方,故乡往往只在远方。有些人情长,到哪儿都不能释怀,乡愁顿成梦魇;而另一些人心宽,距离从来不是问题,心中有家,四海皆为家。与其紧抓不放,不如学会放手,离开其实并没有想象中那么艰难。
  Bridget Kendall (Host): We all like to have some control over our lives. The idea of risking freefall by letting go is scary, but it can also be 1)exhilarating, and useful. So how easy do you find it to let go, whether of the past, of places or ideas and traditions? Today I want to discuss why some of us find it easier than others with award-winning Bulgarian author Miroslav Penkov. Brought up in Bulgaria, but now a writer and university professor based in Texas, from where you join us. So, in one very important way, you’ve already let go, haven’t you, of your homeland, Miroslav? But, about you letting go of Bulgaria, because there’s a country, which actually, unlike the 2)Strandzha Mountains, it’s not part of the 3)shifting borders, at least recently, in the Balkans, but it’s changed hugely in the last 20 years, leaving the Soviet Communist Block and joining the European Union. And there you are as a young man, you decided to leave it and go off to the United States to study. Did the fact that the country was transforming itself, did that make it easier or harder for you to let go and go off to America?


  Miroslav: Well, that was the reason, I would say, um…
  Bridget: Um hmm.
  Miroslav: …the sad reason. I’d much rather have stayed in Bulgaria, to be honest, just didn’t seem possible for what I wanted to do, which is this sort of silly gamble that I wanted to be, um, a writer, and I wanted to write in English, which now, to be honest, I don’t think I’ll be that…that brave. But, you know, I was 18 then, and didn’t think twice about it, and, uh, the chance presented itself. I was able to get a scholarship to go and study in America, so I said, “I will. ”


  But, uh, what’s 4)paradoxical, but at the same time very logical, is the fact that I left Bulgaria made me realize how much, you know, in the old 5)cliché, I cared for it. And it actually 6)heightened my sense of belonging to that place. And it heightened my sense of belonging to the people, the Bulgarian people, and to my family. And not only did I not let go of Bulgaria, but, in fact, I found


  it. It’s just that I found it in Arkansas in America. Um, and it presented itself in the form of dreams and visions and, uh, aspirations and recollections of times that I never really lived through, but I believe collectively there’s some collective…I, um, think there’s something to the 7)collective unconscious, being able to dream the dreams of other people, who’ve lived before you, and I was able to suddenly 8)tap into that energy. And then you realize that, physical distance means absolutely nothing.   Bridget: Standing back…
  Miroslav: If…if…
  Bridget: …in order to see it better.
  Miroslav: …if your mind, if you can…if you can 9)tune your mind, like the radio, to receive what the collective unconscious has to say, it really doesn’t matter where you are in space.
  Bridget: It’s interesting how this idea of letting go, it’s already thrown up quite so many paradoxes that letting go can actually bring you closer to things…
  Miroslav: Umm.
  Bridget: …that distance can actually make you nearer, and holding on can sometimes make you feel further away.


  布里奇特·肯达尔(主持人):我们都希望能掌控自己的人生。冒着自由坠落的风险松开手固然可怕,但这也可能是一种愉快有益的体验。不管是对过去、某个地方、某些想法,还是对某些传统,你觉得放手有多难呢?今天我们请到了保加利亚获奖作家米罗斯拉夫·片科夫,一起讨论讨论为什么一些人似乎比其他人更容易放手。你在保加利亚长大,但现在成了一名作家和大学教授,在美国德克萨斯州生活,也是从那儿参与我们的讨论。那么,从某一特别关键的方面来说,你对家乡已经放手了,是吗,米罗斯拉夫?但,说到你对保加利亚的放手,说到底那是一个国家,事实上,与斯特兰贾山地不同,保加利亚并不属于巴尔干半岛移动边界的一部分,至少在近期不是如此。在过去20年里,保加利亚发生了翻天覆地的变化——脱离前苏联共产主义阵营,加入了欧盟。而你,一个年轻人,决定离开祖国,动身前往美国留学。祖国正在自我转型,这种情况是让你觉得更容易还是更艰难做出放手的决定,并到美国去呢?
  米罗斯拉夫:嗯,这其中是有原因的,我得承认……
  布里奇特:嗯。


  米罗斯拉夫:……一个令人伤心的原因。老实说,我宁愿留在保加利亚,只是我看不到实现自己梦想的一丁点可能性,说起来,整个过程有点像一场愚蠢的赌博,因为我想成为……一名作家,一名用英语写作的作家。如果放到现在,说实话,我不认为我还会那么……那么勇敢。但是,你知道,那时我才18岁,对这事儿也没想太多,而机会就这样摆在面前——我可以拿奖学金到美国留学,所以我就说:“我去。”
  但让人觉得矛盾却也非常合理的是,我离开了保加利亚,这一事实使我意识到——你知道,都是老生常谈了,就是自己有多在乎故乡。我的离开其实提升了我对那地方的归属感,对那里的人——就是保加利亚人民的归属感,还有对我家族的归属感。我不仅没有忘掉保加利亚,我其实反而找到了它。只不过我是在美国阿肯色州找到的。它以梦想与愿景、抱负与那些我从未真正体验过的生活记忆等形式呈现在我眼前,但总体而言,我相信这其中存在着一些集体的……我认为这其中存在着一种集体无意识,就是你能梦见别人的梦,一些活在你前头的人的梦。突然间,我能够利用这些力量了,然后你就会意识到,物理距离根本不算什么。
  布里奇特:往后退一步……
  米罗斯拉夫:如……如果……
  布里奇特:……是为了看得更清楚。
  米罗斯拉夫:……如果你的心,如果你可以……如果你可以调整你的心态,就像调试收音机一样,去接收集体无意识的信息,你的空间位置就真的不重要了。
  布里奇特:有意思的是,放手这种想法已经引起了好些悖论,放手其实可以让联系变得更紧密……
  米罗斯拉夫:嗯。
  布里奇特:……距离其实可以让双方更靠近,而紧抓不放有时则会让你感觉离得更远。

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