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Sunday June 24th Sunny
Today is Sunday, after a busy week, I want to go to a park to relax. It’s a beautiful day.
While I was walking in the park , I saw a little girl eating a banana. Then, when she finished eating it, she threw out the rubbish on the road. An old lady was talking with her friends, she almost slip on a banana skin. Luckily, the old lady’s friends helped her by the arms. I thought the girl would say sorry, but she went away quickly.
Now I think the girl’s behavior is bad. The banana skin not only will pollute our environment, but also will cause trouble. We should protect our environment, for example not to throw out the rubbish on the road, not to waste water. Let’s do some small things to save our environment.
李礼老师点评:
该文的亮点是思路比较清晰,要点到位。
但是文章中出现多处语法错误,比如 when 时间状语连接词与副词then错误并用,throw out词组搭配错误,“slip”时态使用错误,for example not to throw out the rubbish应该换成动名词等。最后一段升华还不够,且句子之间衔接比较机械,不够灵活。
整体看来,文章不是很地道、很流畅。修改后的文章就比较到位。
请品读:
Sunday June 24th Sunny
Today is Sunday, after a busy week, I went to a park to relax. It’s a beautiful day.
While I was walking in the park, I saw a little girl eating a banana. When she finished eating it, she threw the rubbish on the road. Unluckily an old lady was walking by, talking with her friends. She almost slipped on a banana skin. Thank goddess! The old lady’s friends helped her by the arms. I thought the girl would say sorry, but she went away quickly.
Now I think the girl’s behavior is bad. The banana skin will not only pollute our environment, but also cause trouble. We should do something to protect our environment, for example, not throwing the rubbish on the road, not wasting water, etc. Let’s do some small things to save our earth.
Today is Sunday, after a busy week, I want to go to a park to relax. It’s a beautiful day.
While I was walking in the park , I saw a little girl eating a banana. Then, when she finished eating it, she threw out the rubbish on the road. An old lady was talking with her friends, she almost slip on a banana skin. Luckily, the old lady’s friends helped her by the arms. I thought the girl would say sorry, but she went away quickly.
Now I think the girl’s behavior is bad. The banana skin not only will pollute our environment, but also will cause trouble. We should protect our environment, for example not to throw out the rubbish on the road, not to waste water. Let’s do some small things to save our environment.
李礼老师点评:
该文的亮点是思路比较清晰,要点到位。
但是文章中出现多处语法错误,比如 when 时间状语连接词与副词then错误并用,throw out词组搭配错误,“slip”时态使用错误,for example not to throw out the rubbish应该换成动名词等。最后一段升华还不够,且句子之间衔接比较机械,不够灵活。
整体看来,文章不是很地道、很流畅。修改后的文章就比较到位。
请品读:
Sunday June 24th Sunny
Today is Sunday, after a busy week, I went to a park to relax. It’s a beautiful day.
While I was walking in the park, I saw a little girl eating a banana. When she finished eating it, she threw the rubbish on the road. Unluckily an old lady was walking by, talking with her friends. She almost slipped on a banana skin. Thank goddess! The old lady’s friends helped her by the arms. I thought the girl would say sorry, but she went away quickly.
Now I think the girl’s behavior is bad. The banana skin will not only pollute our environment, but also cause trouble. We should do something to protect our environment, for example, not throwing the rubbish on the road, not wasting water, etc. Let’s do some small things to save our earth.