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I liked being a mess. The desk that should have been clear so I could do my homework was always besieged1 with bowls of cereal and spoiled milk， old magazines， and Post-it notes I had forgotten to remember. My floor was a vacuum2 in itself， eating anything entering my room. It consumed3 sweaters， stuffed4 animals， socks， shoes. When I occasionally5 did laundry， I would dig up clothes I couldn’t even recall buying. My shelves overflowed with containers of little odds and ends： hair bands， chopstick， matches， loose mints， coins， earrings. I couldn’t always see these things， but I knew that they were safe， nestled somewhere on a shelf. Like old friends in a phone book， I figured that someday I would find all the loose strings6 and tie them together.
我喜欢弄得一团糟。桌子本应该是整洁的，这样我就可以做家庭作业，但我总是被一碗碗的麦片粥、变质的牛奶、旧杂志和我忘记的便利贴包围着。我的地板本身就是一个真空，吃掉了进入我房间的任何东西，吞进了毛衣、毛绒动物、袜子、鞋子。当我偶尔洗衣服时，会挖出我甚至不记得购买过的衣服。我的书架上堆满了容器，里面都是一些零碎物品：发带、唇膏、火柴、松散的薄荷糖、硬币、耳环。我不是总能看得到这些东西，但我知道它们是安全的，就待在货架上的某个地方。就像电话簿中的老朋友一样，我想有一天我会找到所有松散的绳子，将它们串起来。
One lonely day in August when all of my friends had yet to return from camp in Maine， visiting family in Florida， or some community-service trip in Mexico， something inside me began to itch7. I tried taking a shower， scrubbing myself with every bodywash and bar of soap I could find. I brushed my hair and my teeth， but didn’t feel any cleaner. I checked my e-mail， which was empty. I checked the DVR to see if any new shows had been recorded， but I had already seen everything.
八月里一個孤独的日子，我所有的朋友有的还没有从缅因州的营地回来，有的拜访佛罗里达的家人，或者在某个墨西哥社区服务旅行，我内心的某些东西开始蠢蠢欲动。我试着洗澡，用我能找到的每一种沐浴露和肥皂擦洗自己。我梳洗头发，刷牙，但感觉不到变干净了。我检查了电子邮件，是空的。我检查了DVR，看是否录制了任何新节目，但我已经看过所有内容。
I went downstairs and found my brother playing video games， my mom on the phone， and my dad in his study—everyone in their right place. I told my mom that something didn’t feel right， and she suggested that for once I should clean my room. The thought itself made me nauseous8. I went upstairs to sulk9， feeling so overwhelmed10 that I might as well have been floundering11 without a boat in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.
我下楼发现哥哥在玩电子游戏，妈妈在打电话，爸爸在书房——每个人都在他们该待的地方。我告诉妈妈感觉有点不对劲，她建议我应该至少打扫一次房间。这个想法让我感到恶心。我上楼生起了闷气，感到不知所措，以至于像在没有船的情况下在大西洋中挣扎。
I stood in the middle of the cluttered12 room， breathing in the dirty air that I had become so used to. In the silence of that moment， I began to hear the clock ticking. I became aware of the moldy13 smell. I noticed that a spider had spun a shimmering14 line from my lamp to the top of my mirror. I shivered in disgust. I remembered that winter how my stuffed animal， had fallen behind my dresser and I hadn’t noticed until I caught the repulsive15 scent of her fur burning against the heater， until it was too late and she was covered in brown spots. 我站在杂乱的房间中央，呼吸着已经习以为常的污浊空气。在那一刻的沉默中，我开始听到时钟滴答作响，开始闻到发霉的气味。我注意到一只蜘蛛从灯上吐出一根闪烁的丝，落到了镜子顶部。我厌恶地颤抖着。记得那个冬天，我的毛绒动物玩具是怎么落在我的梳妆台后面，直到我发现它的皮毛在加热器上燃烧的恶心气味，但为时已晚，它身上到处都是烧焦的褐色斑点。
I suddenly felt sympathy for everything in my room that I had buried， never to be seen again. Lost items I had blocked out for years made their way back into my brain： my favorite yellow tank top， the picture of my mom and me on that boat in Jamaica， my baseball card collection.
我突然很同情埋葬在房间里的一切，它们再也不会被人看见。多年来被我封锁的失物回到了我的脑中：我最喜欢的黄色背心，妈妈和我在牙买加那艘船上的照片，我收藏的棒球卡片。
I had an urge to dive under my bed and uncover everything lurking in the murky16 depths of dust， and to climb up into the highest corners of my closet and save items that had been mingling17 with the spiders. The innocent piles were growing higher and higher until they were looming monsters before my eyes. They were threatening to swallow me whole. I had to get rid of them. And so I started to clean.
我有一种冲动想要潜入床下，发现隐藏在阴暗深处的一切，然后爬上壁橱最高的角落，拯救与蜘蛛混在一起的物品。这些无辜的东西越堆越高，直到变成我眼前隐约可见的怪物，威胁着要把我吞没。我不得不摆脱它们，所以我开始清理。
In a box buried under old textbooks， I found a letter that my Poppy had written me at camp. I hadn’t thought of him since his funeral. I suddenly remembered the thrill of running through cold sprinklers18 with my cousins， the spicy smell of barbecue mixing with the salty air at his beach house. I remembered my dad rocking me to sleep the night Poppy died， and how the tears wouldn’t stop.
在一個埋藏在旧教科书下的盒子里，我找到了一封信，是波比在露营时写给我的信。自从他的葬礼以后，我没有想起过他。我突然想起了与我的表兄弟一起奔跑着穿过冷水车时的快感，烧烤的辛辣气味与他家那间海滨别墅里的咸味空气混合在一起。我记得波比死的那晚，爸爸摇晃着哄我睡觉，还有怎么也停不下来的眼泪。
I sat with his picture， blocking out the rest of the mess around me. I was in the middle of a storm， but I sat there and studied him until I had memorized every line in his face. Tears began to roll down my cheeks again. It was like the sound of heavy rain pounding on a roof at the end of a drought19.
我和他的照片坐在一起，挡住了周围的其他乱七八糟的东西。我正处于暴风雨中，但我坐在那里端详他，直到记住他脸上的每一根线条。泪水开始再次滚落我的脸颊，就像在干旱结束时大雨在屋顶上敲击的声音。
In the drawer next to my bed， I found a friendship bracelet from my childhood best friend， Aubrey. She had given it to me before she moved to California. I touched the green and purple pattern with my thumb， realizing that I hadn’t spoken to her in years. The next day I called her， and we talked all night， laughing about memories like dressing up as the Spice Girls for Halloween. She reminded me of the time we built a family of snowmen in my backyard and had a funeral for them when they’d melted. I had lost so many precious childhood memories over time， letting them slip away into the tide like sand. It was the kind of conversation you never want to end because for each moment we talked， it felt like a bucket collecting droplets of water from a leak20. 在我床边的抽屉里，我发现了一个友谊手镯，它是我儿时最好的朋友奥布里在搬去加利福尼亚之前送给我的。我用拇指摸索着上面绿色和紫色的图案，意识到我多年没跟她说话了。第二天我打电话给她，我们聊了一整夜，笑着回忆在万圣节“辣妹”一样的打扮。她让我想起了我们在后院堆了雪人一家的时光，并在它们融化時为它们举行了葬礼。随着时间的推移，我失去了许多宝贵的童年记忆，让它们像沙一样流走。这是你永远不想结束的那种谈话，因为在我们谈话的每个时刻，都像一个水桶从渗漏处收集水滴。
Under my bed I even found that picture of my mom and me in Jamaica. I had forgotten how clear the water had looked from our ship， but what really caught my attention， though， was my image. I had buck teeth， short hair， and pimples covering my face. I stared at that girl， barely able to recognize this person who had drowned in the mess of my room so many years before. I decided to completely change my room so that all the books， belts， and baskets were in their right place. It was like finding the missing pieces of the puzzle.
在床下，我甚至找到了妈妈和我在牙买加的照片。我忘记了从船上看水有多么清澈，但真正引起我注意的是我的样子。我长着龅牙、留着短发，脸上长满了青春痘。我盯着那个女孩，几乎没能认出这个多年前淹没在我房间里的人。我决定彻底改造我的房间，把所有的书籍、腰带和篮子都放在正确的位置，就像寻找拼图缺失的部分。
The finishing touch was framing that photo and hanging it high up on my wall. After all， it was me I had been searching for.
画龙点睛之处是将那张照片放进相框，挂在墙上。毕竟，“我”才是我一直在寻找的东西。
摘自：teenink.com
我喜欢弄得一团糟。桌子本应该是整洁的，这样我就可以做家庭作业，但我总是被一碗碗的麦片粥、变质的牛奶、旧杂志和我忘记的便利贴包围着。我的地板本身就是一个真空，吃掉了进入我房间的任何东西，吞进了毛衣、毛绒动物、袜子、鞋子。当我偶尔洗衣服时，会挖出我甚至不记得购买过的衣服。我的书架上堆满了容器，里面都是一些零碎物品：发带、唇膏、火柴、松散的薄荷糖、硬币、耳环。我不是总能看得到这些东西，但我知道它们是安全的，就待在货架上的某个地方。就像电话簿中的老朋友一样，我想有一天我会找到所有松散的绳子，将它们串起来。
One lonely day in August when all of my friends had yet to return from camp in Maine， visiting family in Florida， or some community-service trip in Mexico， something inside me began to itch7. I tried taking a shower， scrubbing myself with every bodywash and bar of soap I could find. I brushed my hair and my teeth， but didn’t feel any cleaner. I checked my e-mail， which was empty. I checked the DVR to see if any new shows had been recorded， but I had already seen everything.
八月里一個孤独的日子，我所有的朋友有的还没有从缅因州的营地回来，有的拜访佛罗里达的家人，或者在某个墨西哥社区服务旅行，我内心的某些东西开始蠢蠢欲动。我试着洗澡，用我能找到的每一种沐浴露和肥皂擦洗自己。我梳洗头发，刷牙，但感觉不到变干净了。我检查了电子邮件，是空的。我检查了DVR，看是否录制了任何新节目，但我已经看过所有内容。
I went downstairs and found my brother playing video games， my mom on the phone， and my dad in his study—everyone in their right place. I told my mom that something didn’t feel right， and she suggested that for once I should clean my room. The thought itself made me nauseous8. I went upstairs to sulk9， feeling so overwhelmed10 that I might as well have been floundering11 without a boat in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.
我下楼发现哥哥在玩电子游戏，妈妈在打电话，爸爸在书房——每个人都在他们该待的地方。我告诉妈妈感觉有点不对劲，她建议我应该至少打扫一次房间。这个想法让我感到恶心。我上楼生起了闷气，感到不知所措，以至于像在没有船的情况下在大西洋中挣扎。
I stood in the middle of the cluttered12 room， breathing in the dirty air that I had become so used to. In the silence of that moment， I began to hear the clock ticking. I became aware of the moldy13 smell. I noticed that a spider had spun a shimmering14 line from my lamp to the top of my mirror. I shivered in disgust. I remembered that winter how my stuffed animal， had fallen behind my dresser and I hadn’t noticed until I caught the repulsive15 scent of her fur burning against the heater， until it was too late and she was covered in brown spots. 我站在杂乱的房间中央，呼吸着已经习以为常的污浊空气。在那一刻的沉默中，我开始听到时钟滴答作响，开始闻到发霉的气味。我注意到一只蜘蛛从灯上吐出一根闪烁的丝，落到了镜子顶部。我厌恶地颤抖着。记得那个冬天，我的毛绒动物玩具是怎么落在我的梳妆台后面，直到我发现它的皮毛在加热器上燃烧的恶心气味，但为时已晚，它身上到处都是烧焦的褐色斑点。
I suddenly felt sympathy for everything in my room that I had buried， never to be seen again. Lost items I had blocked out for years made their way back into my brain： my favorite yellow tank top， the picture of my mom and me on that boat in Jamaica， my baseball card collection.
我突然很同情埋葬在房间里的一切，它们再也不会被人看见。多年来被我封锁的失物回到了我的脑中：我最喜欢的黄色背心，妈妈和我在牙买加那艘船上的照片，我收藏的棒球卡片。
I had an urge to dive under my bed and uncover everything lurking in the murky16 depths of dust， and to climb up into the highest corners of my closet and save items that had been mingling17 with the spiders. The innocent piles were growing higher and higher until they were looming monsters before my eyes. They were threatening to swallow me whole. I had to get rid of them. And so I started to clean.
我有一种冲动想要潜入床下，发现隐藏在阴暗深处的一切，然后爬上壁橱最高的角落，拯救与蜘蛛混在一起的物品。这些无辜的东西越堆越高，直到变成我眼前隐约可见的怪物，威胁着要把我吞没。我不得不摆脱它们，所以我开始清理。
In a box buried under old textbooks， I found a letter that my Poppy had written me at camp. I hadn’t thought of him since his funeral. I suddenly remembered the thrill of running through cold sprinklers18 with my cousins， the spicy smell of barbecue mixing with the salty air at his beach house. I remembered my dad rocking me to sleep the night Poppy died， and how the tears wouldn’t stop.
在一個埋藏在旧教科书下的盒子里，我找到了一封信，是波比在露营时写给我的信。自从他的葬礼以后，我没有想起过他。我突然想起了与我的表兄弟一起奔跑着穿过冷水车时的快感，烧烤的辛辣气味与他家那间海滨别墅里的咸味空气混合在一起。我记得波比死的那晚，爸爸摇晃着哄我睡觉，还有怎么也停不下来的眼泪。
I sat with his picture， blocking out the rest of the mess around me. I was in the middle of a storm， but I sat there and studied him until I had memorized every line in his face. Tears began to roll down my cheeks again. It was like the sound of heavy rain pounding on a roof at the end of a drought19.
我和他的照片坐在一起，挡住了周围的其他乱七八糟的东西。我正处于暴风雨中，但我坐在那里端详他，直到记住他脸上的每一根线条。泪水开始再次滚落我的脸颊，就像在干旱结束时大雨在屋顶上敲击的声音。
In the drawer next to my bed， I found a friendship bracelet from my childhood best friend， Aubrey. She had given it to me before she moved to California. I touched the green and purple pattern with my thumb， realizing that I hadn’t spoken to her in years. The next day I called her， and we talked all night， laughing about memories like dressing up as the Spice Girls for Halloween. She reminded me of the time we built a family of snowmen in my backyard and had a funeral for them when they’d melted. I had lost so many precious childhood memories over time， letting them slip away into the tide like sand. It was the kind of conversation you never want to end because for each moment we talked， it felt like a bucket collecting droplets of water from a leak20. 在我床边的抽屉里，我发现了一个友谊手镯，它是我儿时最好的朋友奥布里在搬去加利福尼亚之前送给我的。我用拇指摸索着上面绿色和紫色的图案，意识到我多年没跟她说话了。第二天我打电话给她，我们聊了一整夜，笑着回忆在万圣节“辣妹”一样的打扮。她让我想起了我们在后院堆了雪人一家的时光，并在它们融化時为它们举行了葬礼。随着时间的推移，我失去了许多宝贵的童年记忆，让它们像沙一样流走。这是你永远不想结束的那种谈话，因为在我们谈话的每个时刻，都像一个水桶从渗漏处收集水滴。
Under my bed I even found that picture of my mom and me in Jamaica. I had forgotten how clear the water had looked from our ship， but what really caught my attention， though， was my image. I had buck teeth， short hair， and pimples covering my face. I stared at that girl， barely able to recognize this person who had drowned in the mess of my room so many years before. I decided to completely change my room so that all the books， belts， and baskets were in their right place. It was like finding the missing pieces of the puzzle.
在床下，我甚至找到了妈妈和我在牙买加的照片。我忘记了从船上看水有多么清澈，但真正引起我注意的是我的样子。我长着龅牙、留着短发，脸上长满了青春痘。我盯着那个女孩，几乎没能认出这个多年前淹没在我房间里的人。我决定彻底改造我的房间，把所有的书籍、腰带和篮子都放在正确的位置，就像寻找拼图缺失的部分。
The finishing touch was framing that photo and hanging it high up on my wall. After all， it was me I had been searching for.
画龙点睛之处是将那张照片放进相框，挂在墙上。毕竟，“我”才是我一直在寻找的东西。
摘自：teenink.com