放弃或者抛弃,即是“在某种程度上撤除保护、远离理解、与爱隔离,以及缺失指导,而这些恰恰又是所有孩子需要的”。放弃有很多种,剥夺物质需求是最低层次的,如食物、屋子、衣服或者医疗等方面的忽视。但我们这里所想谈的是精神情感层面的影响。现实生活中我们不能说很多家长不关心孩子的学习,但是关心的点大都仅仅聚焦在成绩和名次上,也就是说对过程忽视,对结果却斤斤计较。这种关心是无法满足孩子的需求的,反而会引起他的反感。这种放弃之下的强求,不合情也不合理。我们应该想想,我们究竟是怎样不知不觉让孩子感到了由“被放弃”而产生的恐惧和无助。 Abandonment or abandonment is “the removal of protection to some extent, isolation from understanding, isolation from love, and lack of guidance, which are precisely what all children need.” Abandonment There are many kinds of deprivation of material needs is the lowest level, such as food, house, clothes or medical neglect. But what we are trying to think of here is the influence of spiritual emotions. In real life, we can not say that many parents do not care about their children’s learning. However, most of the points of concern are only focused on grades and rankings. That is to say, the process is neglected and the result is preoccupied. This concern is unable to meet the needs of children, but will arouse his dislike. This kind of surrender is neither rigid nor reasonable. We should think about how we unwittingly made our children feel the fear and helplessness caused by “being abandoned.”