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80年的我们大多是独生子女，一边面对着父母祖辈们喋喋不休的关爱，一边被灌输要独立要成熟的使命。然而，我们在朋友中找到另一个自己。Parent, child, woman, man, 可以相互在这些角色中自如交替的，才是真正的朋友。
Cherishment is the essence of friendship. It falls somewhere between love, consideration, and reliance. And it’s what everybody in the world wants.
Your friend is the one who can hear this cry of 2)incredulity and comfort you. By being there, by letting you be a child asking for help. With your friend, you can revisit and work through your disappointments, get back in balance, restore your trust in people’s goodness.
A deep friendship is 3)therapeutic. With a friend, you trust that if one day you are exhausted and harassed, the next you can be depended upon and dependable. When you are asking your friend for support, you are at the same time expecting to give it—and feeling able to give it because you have asked for and received it. Because the basic dependent-dependable roles shift easily in a friendship, other roles can shift. So friendships have a 4)fluidity other relationships may lack. Adult playfulness is promoted: You be the parent, I’ll be the child! You be the woman, I’ll be the man! No meter is running when friends take turns; it happens 5)spontaneously.
The readiness to play different parts is a 6)manifestation of the freedom you have in a relationship that allows you to be yourself, to discover yourself, to develop. Ideally, unlike most parents, who have an investment in their children being mirror themselves, your friend recognizes and honors the goals you’ve set for yourself without imposing her own.
A friendship can come apart if one or the other of the friends is untrue to the bond or to what they have in common—their group, their cause, a moral 7)precept they have accepted. Friendships can also come undone because one or the other of the friends has been uncherishing or fallen into envy of the cherishment the other is getting. Renewing the friendship then requires forgiveness. Our expectation to be sweetly and 8)indulgently loved 9)is bound to be 10)frustrated at times, no matter how caring a friend may be. But good friendships have a built-in cure for lapses and shortfalls. A good friend will tell you when you have been uncherishing—and she will tell you in a cherishing way so that you will be able to hear her.
Friends who have cultivated a relationship over time do the cherishing work-and-play that is friendship’s essence without self-consciousness or 11)straining. They operate with their version of the 12)intuitive ease and 13)reciprocity that, in the best of all possible worlds, mothers and babies have with each other. Friends who have found each other become a whole greater than their parts.
Within friendship you can practice, safely and freely, the 14)ingredients of cherishment you need in all relationships—at home, at work, in the world. Your friendship becomes a standard to live up to, and your friendship can be an example to others. Cultivated well, friendships seed beyond themselves; a culture can grow from them. Imagine! Cherishment culture.
珍爱是友谊的本质。它介于爱、体贴和信赖之间。也是世界上的每个人都想要的东西。
你的朋友是能听见你惊疑的呼唤并安慰你的人。他们在你身边，容许你像个小孩般求助。有朋友在，你可以重整失望的情绪，回归平静，恢复对人们的善意的信心。
深厚的友谊可以疗伤。有朋友在，你相信即使哪天你筋疲力尽、苦恼至极，第二天的你仍然能被依靠，仍然值得信赖。当你向朋友寻求支持，你同时在预期着付出——并感觉到你能付出，因为你已向别人索求并获得了支持。因为“依赖和可依赖”这两种基本的角色会在友谊中轻易互换，所以其它角色也可在友谊中互换。因此友谊有着其它关系所缺乏的易变性。这助长了成人的玩乐心：你是家长，我就是小孩！你是女人，我就是男人！没有仪表在计算友人何时该转换角色；一切都来得很自然。
随时准备好担当不同的角色展现了你在一段关系中的自由，你可以做自己、发现自己、拓展自己。从理想上来说，与大部分的家长不同的是，家长会致力于让孩子充当自己的复制品，而朋友则会认可并尊重你为自己设定的目标，不会把他们自己的目标强加于你。
若朋友中的一方背离这种联系或共同点——他们的团体、他们的行为动机，或他们所接受的道德规则，友谊便会不复存在。友谊还会因为朋友中的一方漠不关心或对另一方获得的关怀产生妒忌而破灭。那么重续友谊便需要宽恕。无论朋友多么的关切，我们期望能被甜蜜而放纵地宠爱的想法注定会偶尔落空。但是美好的友谊对过失和不足有着固有的疗效。好朋友会在你漠不关心的时候告诉你——她还会用关切的态度告诉你，使你能够听她说。
在经过时间培育的友谊中，朋友会很享受关怀对方的这种关系，这是友谊的本质，自然而然、毫无压力。这种本能的安逸与互惠关系被他们以自己的方式演绎着，就像这世上最无可比拟的母婴关系一样。找到朋友的人会变得比独立个体更优秀。
在友谊中，你能放心而自由地实践你在一切关系中——在家，在工作中，在其它任何地方——所需要的种种关怀。你们的友谊成为你们努力的标准，你们的友谊还能成为其他人的榜样。若用心栽培，友谊将开花结果，超越自身；一种文化会由此而生。试想一下！珍爱的文化。
翻译：周肖儿
Cherishment is the essence of friendship. It falls somewhere between love, consideration, and reliance. And it’s what everybody in the world wants.
Your friend is the one who can hear this cry of 2)incredulity and comfort you. By being there, by letting you be a child asking for help. With your friend, you can revisit and work through your disappointments, get back in balance, restore your trust in people’s goodness.
A deep friendship is 3)therapeutic. With a friend, you trust that if one day you are exhausted and harassed, the next you can be depended upon and dependable. When you are asking your friend for support, you are at the same time expecting to give it—and feeling able to give it because you have asked for and received it. Because the basic dependent-dependable roles shift easily in a friendship, other roles can shift. So friendships have a 4)fluidity other relationships may lack. Adult playfulness is promoted: You be the parent, I’ll be the child! You be the woman, I’ll be the man! No meter is running when friends take turns; it happens 5)spontaneously.
The readiness to play different parts is a 6)manifestation of the freedom you have in a relationship that allows you to be yourself, to discover yourself, to develop. Ideally, unlike most parents, who have an investment in their children being mirror themselves, your friend recognizes and honors the goals you’ve set for yourself without imposing her own.
A friendship can come apart if one or the other of the friends is untrue to the bond or to what they have in common—their group, their cause, a moral 7)precept they have accepted. Friendships can also come undone because one or the other of the friends has been uncherishing or fallen into envy of the cherishment the other is getting. Renewing the friendship then requires forgiveness. Our expectation to be sweetly and 8)indulgently loved 9)is bound to be 10)frustrated at times, no matter how caring a friend may be. But good friendships have a built-in cure for lapses and shortfalls. A good friend will tell you when you have been uncherishing—and she will tell you in a cherishing way so that you will be able to hear her.
Friends who have cultivated a relationship over time do the cherishing work-and-play that is friendship’s essence without self-consciousness or 11)straining. They operate with their version of the 12)intuitive ease and 13)reciprocity that, in the best of all possible worlds, mothers and babies have with each other. Friends who have found each other become a whole greater than their parts.
Within friendship you can practice, safely and freely, the 14)ingredients of cherishment you need in all relationships—at home, at work, in the world. Your friendship becomes a standard to live up to, and your friendship can be an example to others. Cultivated well, friendships seed beyond themselves; a culture can grow from them. Imagine! Cherishment culture.
珍爱是友谊的本质。它介于爱、体贴和信赖之间。也是世界上的每个人都想要的东西。
你的朋友是能听见你惊疑的呼唤并安慰你的人。他们在你身边，容许你像个小孩般求助。有朋友在，你可以重整失望的情绪，回归平静，恢复对人们的善意的信心。
深厚的友谊可以疗伤。有朋友在，你相信即使哪天你筋疲力尽、苦恼至极，第二天的你仍然能被依靠，仍然值得信赖。当你向朋友寻求支持，你同时在预期着付出——并感觉到你能付出，因为你已向别人索求并获得了支持。因为“依赖和可依赖”这两种基本的角色会在友谊中轻易互换，所以其它角色也可在友谊中互换。因此友谊有着其它关系所缺乏的易变性。这助长了成人的玩乐心：你是家长，我就是小孩！你是女人，我就是男人！没有仪表在计算友人何时该转换角色；一切都来得很自然。
随时准备好担当不同的角色展现了你在一段关系中的自由，你可以做自己、发现自己、拓展自己。从理想上来说，与大部分的家长不同的是，家长会致力于让孩子充当自己的复制品，而朋友则会认可并尊重你为自己设定的目标，不会把他们自己的目标强加于你。
若朋友中的一方背离这种联系或共同点——他们的团体、他们的行为动机，或他们所接受的道德规则，友谊便会不复存在。友谊还会因为朋友中的一方漠不关心或对另一方获得的关怀产生妒忌而破灭。那么重续友谊便需要宽恕。无论朋友多么的关切，我们期望能被甜蜜而放纵地宠爱的想法注定会偶尔落空。但是美好的友谊对过失和不足有着固有的疗效。好朋友会在你漠不关心的时候告诉你——她还会用关切的态度告诉你，使你能够听她说。
在经过时间培育的友谊中，朋友会很享受关怀对方的这种关系，这是友谊的本质，自然而然、毫无压力。这种本能的安逸与互惠关系被他们以自己的方式演绎着，就像这世上最无可比拟的母婴关系一样。找到朋友的人会变得比独立个体更优秀。
在友谊中，你能放心而自由地实践你在一切关系中——在家，在工作中，在其它任何地方——所需要的种种关怀。你们的友谊成为你们努力的标准，你们的友谊还能成为其他人的榜样。若用心栽培，友谊将开花结果，超越自身；一种文化会由此而生。试想一下！珍爱的文化。
翻译：周肖儿