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随着科技的发展,机器人在不久的将来会走进千家万户。有机器人的生活会是什么样子呢?请以Future Life With Robots为题,大胆合理地想象,写一篇120字左右的短文。
【写作指导】
这是一篇开放性作文,它要求学生通过充分发挥自己的想象力,对从未接触过的甚至根本不存在的新的形象进行描述。要做到切题,首先一定要从实际生活出发,借助已有的知识,展开合理的、丰富的想象。其次,要具体地根据题目的要求和提示,围绕主题组织相关的材料,材料越丰富充实,文章才会越生动,切忌说空话。
【习作1】
Never will I forget the dream I dreamt last night.
It’s about our future life. In the future, all of us, even the poorest people, own robots that are of great use to our human beings. Meanwhile, robots are also common to see in the outside world.
The life with robots is great. You have to do nothing but you can get everything you want. All the things are done or to be done by robots. In people’s homes, robots have taken the place of housewives. They do works like cooking, washing, house-cleaning and other things that you can think of. And they can even tell stories and play with kids, which leaves a lot of time to couples. On the other hand, they guide the traffic while others clean the roads; they post gifts or other things while others are going on a dangerous task; They stand in front of the production lines while others help the old get across the street. They also save lives when someone is suffering from an unknown disease.
The robots are so helpful that all of us have no evil ambitions or desires. The world is just lie a village, where people live together in harmony.
Though it’s a dream, but I believe that in the future it will come true, because the life with robots, which is mixed with happiness, comfort, ease and peace, is the life man really want.
点评 作者开始以梦的形式来展现Future Life With Robots,构思比较新颖,结尾也有很好的照应。但是其中有很多地方表达不当。
You have to do nothing but you can get everything you want. All the things are done or to be done by robots. 有了机器人,我们并不是什么也不做,其实,只是机器人可以帮我们做很多事情。这两句可改为:Robots can do nearly everything for us human beings and the only thing we should do is to give them instructions.
In people’s homes, robots have taken the place of housewives. They do jobs, like cooking, washing, house-cleaning and other things that you can think of. And they can even tell stories and play with kids, which leaves a lot of time to couples. 在家里,机器人可以起家庭主妇的作用,而不是替代她们。机器人可为夫妇们节省很多时间,而不是留给他们很多时间。这几句可改为:At home, robots, which can serve as housewives, can cook, wash clothes, cleaning, and so on. They can even play with children thus saving a lot of time for their parents.
On the other hand, they guide the traffic while others clean the roads; they post gifts or other things while others are going on a dangerous task; They stand in front of the production lines while others help the old get across the street. They also save lives when someone is suffering from an unknown disease. 这几句,作者本来想表达机器人还可以用在很多其他的领域,但是表达得很啰嗦,并且这几个while引导的句子表达不够恰当。因为篇幅原因,这部分内容只需一笔带过。这几句可改为:In addition to these, robots can also be applied to many fields. They can even stand in the street to help the police to guide the traffic in the rush hour. 综观全文,尽管作者完成了写作要求,但篇幅过长,还有不少地方表达不当。
【习作2】
With science and technology developing, more and more robots are being applied to many fields. And it is possible that the robots will play an important part in our future life.
The life with robots will be very different. First, robots can help the disabled who have difficulty in living alone. They’ll be required to be able to do some housework, such as sweeping the floor, cooking, washing clothes and so on. So the life of the disabled will become convenient and they will feel warm though robots are just machines. In addition, robots can also be equal to some dangerous jobs, like helping the police to catch thieves. And they can even be used at schools, serving as assistants to the teacher, and I believe children must be curious about them.
In my opinion, our future life can’t go without robots. But we should make use of them properly, or they may cause something terrible. So I think that the best way to get along with these robots is to treat them as our friends. Then, the world will be more wonderful and beautiful.
【点评】
这篇习作很好地完成了写作要求,表达得体,语言流畅,上下文连贯,是一篇很好的习作。
这篇习作中,作者使用了很多说明层次及上下衔接的连词和短语如and, first, such as, so, in addition, but, then,这些结构让文章层次分明,上下连贯。
亮点结构及表达:With science and technology developing... 这个句子较好地用了with+n/pron + v-ing这种复合结构; it is possible that... 这个句子用到了it作形式主语,that作真正的主语; serving as assistants to the teacher... 这个分词短语作补充说明。这些句式符合高考要求的高级结构。文中还有很多短语,如be applied to, play an important part in, be equal to, in one’s opinion, treat as,more and more,体现了作者较好地语言功底。
不足之处是,在第二自然段,应该把大众化的用途放在前面,如在家庭中的用途They’ll be required to be able to do some housework... 把表现特殊用途的句子robots can help the disabled who have difficulty in living alone. 放在后面。
【范文】
With the development of science and technology, it is likely that robots will step into our life. There is no doubt that robots will have a positive effect on our life.
Firstly, robots will become a good helper in everyone’s family, which can help housewives do lot of things, such as cooking, washing clothes, cleaning the house and so on. Secondly, robots can keep the old or children company in chatting, playing chess, reading and even doing exercise, which can keep them away from loneliness. In addition, some robots can even be equal to some dangerous jobs, catching criminals, putting out fires or saving drowning people.
As far as I’m concerned, our future life can’t go without robots and the future life with robots is sure to become meaningful and colorful.
【写作指导】
这是一篇开放性作文,它要求学生通过充分发挥自己的想象力,对从未接触过的甚至根本不存在的新的形象进行描述。要做到切题,首先一定要从实际生活出发,借助已有的知识,展开合理的、丰富的想象。其次,要具体地根据题目的要求和提示,围绕主题组织相关的材料,材料越丰富充实,文章才会越生动,切忌说空话。
【习作1】
Never will I forget the dream I dreamt last night.
It’s about our future life. In the future, all of us, even the poorest people, own robots that are of great use to our human beings. Meanwhile, robots are also common to see in the outside world.
The life with robots is great. You have to do nothing but you can get everything you want. All the things are done or to be done by robots. In people’s homes, robots have taken the place of housewives. They do works like cooking, washing, house-cleaning and other things that you can think of. And they can even tell stories and play with kids, which leaves a lot of time to couples. On the other hand, they guide the traffic while others clean the roads; they post gifts or other things while others are going on a dangerous task; They stand in front of the production lines while others help the old get across the street. They also save lives when someone is suffering from an unknown disease.
The robots are so helpful that all of us have no evil ambitions or desires. The world is just lie a village, where people live together in harmony.
Though it’s a dream, but I believe that in the future it will come true, because the life with robots, which is mixed with happiness, comfort, ease and peace, is the life man really want.
点评 作者开始以梦的形式来展现Future Life With Robots,构思比较新颖,结尾也有很好的照应。但是其中有很多地方表达不当。
You have to do nothing but you can get everything you want. All the things are done or to be done by robots. 有了机器人,我们并不是什么也不做,其实,只是机器人可以帮我们做很多事情。这两句可改为:Robots can do nearly everything for us human beings and the only thing we should do is to give them instructions.
In people’s homes, robots have taken the place of housewives. They do jobs, like cooking, washing, house-cleaning and other things that you can think of. And they can even tell stories and play with kids, which leaves a lot of time to couples. 在家里,机器人可以起家庭主妇的作用,而不是替代她们。机器人可为夫妇们节省很多时间,而不是留给他们很多时间。这几句可改为:At home, robots, which can serve as housewives, can cook, wash clothes, cleaning, and so on. They can even play with children thus saving a lot of time for their parents.
On the other hand, they guide the traffic while others clean the roads; they post gifts or other things while others are going on a dangerous task; They stand in front of the production lines while others help the old get across the street. They also save lives when someone is suffering from an unknown disease. 这几句,作者本来想表达机器人还可以用在很多其他的领域,但是表达得很啰嗦,并且这几个while引导的句子表达不够恰当。因为篇幅原因,这部分内容只需一笔带过。这几句可改为:In addition to these, robots can also be applied to many fields. They can even stand in the street to help the police to guide the traffic in the rush hour. 综观全文,尽管作者完成了写作要求,但篇幅过长,还有不少地方表达不当。
【习作2】
With science and technology developing, more and more robots are being applied to many fields. And it is possible that the robots will play an important part in our future life.
The life with robots will be very different. First, robots can help the disabled who have difficulty in living alone. They’ll be required to be able to do some housework, such as sweeping the floor, cooking, washing clothes and so on. So the life of the disabled will become convenient and they will feel warm though robots are just machines. In addition, robots can also be equal to some dangerous jobs, like helping the police to catch thieves. And they can even be used at schools, serving as assistants to the teacher, and I believe children must be curious about them.
In my opinion, our future life can’t go without robots. But we should make use of them properly, or they may cause something terrible. So I think that the best way to get along with these robots is to treat them as our friends. Then, the world will be more wonderful and beautiful.
【点评】
这篇习作很好地完成了写作要求,表达得体,语言流畅,上下文连贯,是一篇很好的习作。
这篇习作中,作者使用了很多说明层次及上下衔接的连词和短语如and, first, such as, so, in addition, but, then,这些结构让文章层次分明,上下连贯。
亮点结构及表达:With science and technology developing... 这个句子较好地用了with+n/pron + v-ing这种复合结构; it is possible that... 这个句子用到了it作形式主语,that作真正的主语; serving as assistants to the teacher... 这个分词短语作补充说明。这些句式符合高考要求的高级结构。文中还有很多短语,如be applied to, play an important part in, be equal to, in one’s opinion, treat as,more and more,体现了作者较好地语言功底。
不足之处是,在第二自然段,应该把大众化的用途放在前面,如在家庭中的用途They’ll be required to be able to do some housework... 把表现特殊用途的句子robots can help the disabled who have difficulty in living alone. 放在后面。
【范文】
With the development of science and technology, it is likely that robots will step into our life. There is no doubt that robots will have a positive effect on our life.
Firstly, robots will become a good helper in everyone’s family, which can help housewives do lot of things, such as cooking, washing clothes, cleaning the house and so on. Secondly, robots can keep the old or children company in chatting, playing chess, reading and even doing exercise, which can keep them away from loneliness. In addition, some robots can even be equal to some dangerous jobs, catching criminals, putting out fires or saving drowning people.
As far as I’m concerned, our future life can’t go without robots and the future life with robots is sure to become meaningful and colorful.