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When I got married, I had a lot of grand ideas in my head of what married life should be like. I thought that our marriage would be 100% fair, completely 1)diplomatic, and that all household duties would be split 50/50. I thought my husband would be constantly self motivated, 2)perpetually thoughtful, and always 3)on my same wavelength. There would be beauty and harmony in my home. Never in a million years would I become that 4)shrewish 5)fishwife shrieking from the doorway because my husband had spent the night 6)carousing with the boys in avoidance of his husbandly duties.
A mere month after we said “I do,” reality set in.
That perfect democracy fell apart the second I remembered that my husband is a pretty stubborn guy. If he doesn’t want to do something, he’s not going to do it and 7)screw you for making him repeat himself. I would demand that he help me with the housework; he’d sit on the couch like a spoiled child and ignore me. I would refuse to go shopping or make dinner in protest; he’d shrug his shoulders and order a pizza. If I asked him to drop something off at the post office for me, he would forget. But instead of just breaking down and doing it myself, I’d remind him. And remind him. And remind him again.
There was a phrase for what I’d become: A fishwife.
Of course, I blamed him. I wasn’t asking for so much. I just wanted to take turns cleaning the toilet. Wasn’t marriage supposed to be a partnership? Why wouldn’t he help me? Why didn’t he care about the things I cared about? Why wouldn’t he just bend to my will? Oftentimes, I would dramatically press the back of my hand against my forehead and tearfully exclaim, “You’re making me into such a 8)nag!”
I was such a 9)bloody martyr. The fights and the complaining and the nagging and the hurt feelings went on for quite some time.
Then one day, I was taking care of a certain little girl. I took her to the park where another group of little girls were playing dolls. Now said little girl did not have a doll to join in, but she just assumed that one of the other girls would share a doll with her. She 10)was in for a big surprise when all the other little girls refused. The little girl begged. The little girl 11)pleaded. The little girl 12)stomped her feet and with a shrill voice demanded that they be nice to her. She lectured them about politeness and sharing and 13)outright tried to bully her way into that playgroup. Still, the little girls clutched their dolls to their breasts and refused her access to them. Finally, with tears of frustration in her eyes, she ran over to me and said, “V! Make those girls share with me!”
“No,” I said, “It doesn’t look like they want to play with you. And to be honest, I’m not sure if I would want to play with you, either, with the way you’re acting.”
“But, they are the ones being mean!” she raged, “It’s nice to share and they’re not being nice to me.”
I 14)stooped down to her level and calmly told her, “Darling, you can not control how other people act. You can only control how you react to them.”
She was quiet for a minute and then she whirled around and screamed at the girls, “FINE! I WON’T PLAY WITH YOU THEN! I’M GOING TO GO SWING INSTEAD!” Then she stomped off towards the swings.
I leaned back on my heels for a minute and 15)contemplated the entire 16)scenario. Finally, realization hit me like a cold splash of water. I thought to myself: 17)Man, I am such a 18)hypocrite! After that, a single policy was adopted in my house. Namely: if it bothers you, do something about it.
Of course this means I usually do the majority of the housework considering that a 19)filthy house doesn’t seem to 20)faze my husband in the least. I also do the majority of the shopping because he’d brush his teeth with water every day for the rest of his life before he’d remember to pick up a tube of 21)Crest. His 22)pet peeve, on the other hand, is the laundry. Left to my own devices, every article of clothing I own would have to be dirty before I’d do the wash. My husband likes it done every day, so he gets stuck with that little chore.
Our marriage is not a 50/50 split like I first envisioned it. But there is definitely less complaining, nagging, and fighting. No one is a victim and no one is a martyr. Somewhere along the line, it occurred to us that life was too short to argue about who cleaned the toilet more.
This is not to say that we never suffer small 23)relapses. Just the other night, I was reading in bed when my husband said to me, “I cannot believe that you threw your pants on the floor two feet away from the laundry basket.” I replied, “I cannot believe you just stuck a piece of bubble gum to our24)headboard.” He looked at me and I looked at him. After a brief moment of silence, he picked up my pants. Before I went to sleep that night, I removed his gum from our headboard.
Ah, peace.
刚结婚时，对于婚姻生活，我脑海里有过许多宏愿遐想。那时我认为我们的婚姻关系应该会100%公平，完全互惠互利，并且所有家务活都是对半平分。我以为我的丈夫会一直很积极主动，永远体贴，并且总跟我心有灵犀。家里充满了美与和谐。我万万没想过自己会变成那种因丈夫不守本分整晚在外与友人酣饮而在门口放声大骂的泼妇。
仅仅在我们说了“我愿意”的一个月之后，现实问题便浮现了。
当记起我丈夫是一个相当固执的家伙时，完美的民主气氛就这么消融了。如果他不想做什么事情，他就真的不会去做，如果要他把话再说一遍，他会让你滚蛋。我要求他帮我做家务，他就会像个被宠坏了的小孩那样坐在沙发上，不理我。我以拒绝买东西或者做饭来威胁抗衡，他就会耸耸肩，打电话叫披萨饼。如果我叫他帮我到邮局寄点东西，他会完全忘了这回事。别以为我会就此彻底崩溃而唯有自己动手去做，相反地，我会提醒他，提醒他，再次提醒他。
有个词语可以形容我变成了什么样子：泼妇。
当然，我责骂他。我没有要求很多。我只是想轮流洗厕所。婚姻不应该是一种伙伴关系吗？为什么他不帮帮我？为什么他不关心我所关心的东西？为什么他不顺从我的意愿？时不时地，我会夸张地用手背按住我的前额，泪汪汪地喊道：“看你把我变成这么一个唠叨鬼！”
我成了一个十足的烈女苦主。争吵、抱怨、唠叨和痛苦持续了好长一段时间。
然后某一天，我在照看一个小女孩。我带她去公园，那里有另一群女孩在玩洋娃娃。刚刚说到的那个小女孩想跟她们一起玩，但手上没有洋娃娃，她以为其中某个女孩会与她分享洋娃娃。当所有那些小女孩都拒绝与她分享时，她十分惊讶。小女孩哀求着，恳求着。她跺脚，尖声要求她们对自己友善一点。她向她们讲授礼貌及分享的道理， 甚至“霸王硬上弓”般硬要跟人家一起玩。但是，那些小女孩们依然紧紧地将洋娃娃贴在胸口，拒绝让小女孩去碰洋娃娃。最后，小女孩充满挫败感，满含泪水地跑向我，说道：“V！让那些女孩子跟我一起玩！”
“不，”我说道，“她们好像不想跟你一块玩。老实说，以你这种行为方式，我也不怎么想跟你一起玩了。”
“但是，使坏的是她们呀！”她恼怒地说道，“分享本来是很好的事情，但她们对我不友好。”
我弯下腰与她平视，并平心静气地告诉她：“亲爱的，你不能控制别人怎么做事。你只能控制你自己对他们的反应。”
她平静了片刻，然后转身，对着那些女孩尖声喊道：“好！我不跟你们玩了！我要去荡秋千！”然后，她便朝着秋千奔去。
我起身站了片刻，想了想刚才的整个场景。最后，我突然顿悟，如同有一瓢冷水泼向了我。我思量着：“天啊，我是这么一个伪君子啊！”自此以后，我们家采取了“专门政策”，也就是，如果有什么事困扰到你了，你就去想办法解决。
当然，鉴于肮脏的房子丝毫不会对我丈夫造成什么困扰，这意味着我经常要包揽大部分的家务活。此外，大部分买东西的活也由我来做，因为他是那种不记得买牙膏就干脆天天用清水来刷牙的人。反过来说，他忍不得的就是脏衣服。如果对我放任自流，那就要等到家里一件干净衣服都没了我才会动手去洗衣服。而我丈夫喜欢每天洗衣服，所以他就固定负责洗衣服这一家务。
如今，我们的婚姻不是我一开始设想的那样对等平分。但是可以肯定的是，抱怨、唠叨、争吵都少了。没人可怜兮兮，也没人忿然抗争。渐渐地，我们开始明白，生命太短暂了，不能为了谁洗厕所洗得更多而争吵不已。
这并不意味着我们从此不再为一些小问题的复发而困扰。就在不久前的某个晚上，我正在床上看书，我丈夫对我说道：“你怎么可以把裤子扔在离洗衣篮两英尺（约0.61米）远的地上呢？”我回答道：“你又怎么可以把口香糖粘在我们的床头板上呢？”他望着我，我也望着他。沉默片刻后，他去捡起我的裤子。那天晚上睡觉之前，我去清理掉床头板上的那块口香糖。
啊，和睦了。
A mere month after we said “I do,” reality set in.
That perfect democracy fell apart the second I remembered that my husband is a pretty stubborn guy. If he doesn’t want to do something, he’s not going to do it and 7)screw you for making him repeat himself. I would demand that he help me with the housework; he’d sit on the couch like a spoiled child and ignore me. I would refuse to go shopping or make dinner in protest; he’d shrug his shoulders and order a pizza. If I asked him to drop something off at the post office for me, he would forget. But instead of just breaking down and doing it myself, I’d remind him. And remind him. And remind him again.
There was a phrase for what I’d become: A fishwife.
Of course, I blamed him. I wasn’t asking for so much. I just wanted to take turns cleaning the toilet. Wasn’t marriage supposed to be a partnership? Why wouldn’t he help me? Why didn’t he care about the things I cared about? Why wouldn’t he just bend to my will? Oftentimes, I would dramatically press the back of my hand against my forehead and tearfully exclaim, “You’re making me into such a 8)nag!”
I was such a 9)bloody martyr. The fights and the complaining and the nagging and the hurt feelings went on for quite some time.
Then one day, I was taking care of a certain little girl. I took her to the park where another group of little girls were playing dolls. Now said little girl did not have a doll to join in, but she just assumed that one of the other girls would share a doll with her. She 10)was in for a big surprise when all the other little girls refused. The little girl begged. The little girl 11)pleaded. The little girl 12)stomped her feet and with a shrill voice demanded that they be nice to her. She lectured them about politeness and sharing and 13)outright tried to bully her way into that playgroup. Still, the little girls clutched their dolls to their breasts and refused her access to them. Finally, with tears of frustration in her eyes, she ran over to me and said, “V! Make those girls share with me!”
“No,” I said, “It doesn’t look like they want to play with you. And to be honest, I’m not sure if I would want to play with you, either, with the way you’re acting.”
“But, they are the ones being mean!” she raged, “It’s nice to share and they’re not being nice to me.”
I 14)stooped down to her level and calmly told her, “Darling, you can not control how other people act. You can only control how you react to them.”
She was quiet for a minute and then she whirled around and screamed at the girls, “FINE! I WON’T PLAY WITH YOU THEN! I’M GOING TO GO SWING INSTEAD!” Then she stomped off towards the swings.
I leaned back on my heels for a minute and 15)contemplated the entire 16)scenario. Finally, realization hit me like a cold splash of water. I thought to myself: 17)Man, I am such a 18)hypocrite! After that, a single policy was adopted in my house. Namely: if it bothers you, do something about it.
Of course this means I usually do the majority of the housework considering that a 19)filthy house doesn’t seem to 20)faze my husband in the least. I also do the majority of the shopping because he’d brush his teeth with water every day for the rest of his life before he’d remember to pick up a tube of 21)Crest. His 22)pet peeve, on the other hand, is the laundry. Left to my own devices, every article of clothing I own would have to be dirty before I’d do the wash. My husband likes it done every day, so he gets stuck with that little chore.
Our marriage is not a 50/50 split like I first envisioned it. But there is definitely less complaining, nagging, and fighting. No one is a victim and no one is a martyr. Somewhere along the line, it occurred to us that life was too short to argue about who cleaned the toilet more.
This is not to say that we never suffer small 23)relapses. Just the other night, I was reading in bed when my husband said to me, “I cannot believe that you threw your pants on the floor two feet away from the laundry basket.” I replied, “I cannot believe you just stuck a piece of bubble gum to our24)headboard.” He looked at me and I looked at him. After a brief moment of silence, he picked up my pants. Before I went to sleep that night, I removed his gum from our headboard.
Ah, peace.
刚结婚时，对于婚姻生活，我脑海里有过许多宏愿遐想。那时我认为我们的婚姻关系应该会100%公平，完全互惠互利，并且所有家务活都是对半平分。我以为我的丈夫会一直很积极主动，永远体贴，并且总跟我心有灵犀。家里充满了美与和谐。我万万没想过自己会变成那种因丈夫不守本分整晚在外与友人酣饮而在门口放声大骂的泼妇。
仅仅在我们说了“我愿意”的一个月之后，现实问题便浮现了。
当记起我丈夫是一个相当固执的家伙时，完美的民主气氛就这么消融了。如果他不想做什么事情，他就真的不会去做，如果要他把话再说一遍，他会让你滚蛋。我要求他帮我做家务，他就会像个被宠坏了的小孩那样坐在沙发上，不理我。我以拒绝买东西或者做饭来威胁抗衡，他就会耸耸肩，打电话叫披萨饼。如果我叫他帮我到邮局寄点东西，他会完全忘了这回事。别以为我会就此彻底崩溃而唯有自己动手去做，相反地，我会提醒他，提醒他，再次提醒他。
有个词语可以形容我变成了什么样子：泼妇。
当然，我责骂他。我没有要求很多。我只是想轮流洗厕所。婚姻不应该是一种伙伴关系吗？为什么他不帮帮我？为什么他不关心我所关心的东西？为什么他不顺从我的意愿？时不时地，我会夸张地用手背按住我的前额，泪汪汪地喊道：“看你把我变成这么一个唠叨鬼！”
我成了一个十足的烈女苦主。争吵、抱怨、唠叨和痛苦持续了好长一段时间。
然后某一天，我在照看一个小女孩。我带她去公园，那里有另一群女孩在玩洋娃娃。刚刚说到的那个小女孩想跟她们一起玩，但手上没有洋娃娃，她以为其中某个女孩会与她分享洋娃娃。当所有那些小女孩都拒绝与她分享时，她十分惊讶。小女孩哀求着，恳求着。她跺脚，尖声要求她们对自己友善一点。她向她们讲授礼貌及分享的道理， 甚至“霸王硬上弓”般硬要跟人家一起玩。但是，那些小女孩们依然紧紧地将洋娃娃贴在胸口，拒绝让小女孩去碰洋娃娃。最后，小女孩充满挫败感，满含泪水地跑向我，说道：“V！让那些女孩子跟我一起玩！”
“不，”我说道，“她们好像不想跟你一块玩。老实说，以你这种行为方式，我也不怎么想跟你一起玩了。”
“但是，使坏的是她们呀！”她恼怒地说道，“分享本来是很好的事情，但她们对我不友好。”
我弯下腰与她平视，并平心静气地告诉她：“亲爱的，你不能控制别人怎么做事。你只能控制你自己对他们的反应。”
她平静了片刻，然后转身，对着那些女孩尖声喊道：“好！我不跟你们玩了！我要去荡秋千！”然后，她便朝着秋千奔去。
我起身站了片刻，想了想刚才的整个场景。最后，我突然顿悟，如同有一瓢冷水泼向了我。我思量着：“天啊，我是这么一个伪君子啊！”自此以后，我们家采取了“专门政策”，也就是，如果有什么事困扰到你了，你就去想办法解决。
当然，鉴于肮脏的房子丝毫不会对我丈夫造成什么困扰，这意味着我经常要包揽大部分的家务活。此外，大部分买东西的活也由我来做，因为他是那种不记得买牙膏就干脆天天用清水来刷牙的人。反过来说，他忍不得的就是脏衣服。如果对我放任自流，那就要等到家里一件干净衣服都没了我才会动手去洗衣服。而我丈夫喜欢每天洗衣服，所以他就固定负责洗衣服这一家务。
如今，我们的婚姻不是我一开始设想的那样对等平分。但是可以肯定的是，抱怨、唠叨、争吵都少了。没人可怜兮兮，也没人忿然抗争。渐渐地，我们开始明白，生命太短暂了，不能为了谁洗厕所洗得更多而争吵不已。
这并不意味着我们从此不再为一些小问题的复发而困扰。就在不久前的某个晚上，我正在床上看书，我丈夫对我说道：“你怎么可以把裤子扔在离洗衣篮两英尺（约0.61米）远的地上呢？”我回答道：“你又怎么可以把口香糖粘在我们的床头板上呢？”他望着我，我也望着他。沉默片刻后，他去捡起我的裤子。那天晚上睡觉之前，我去清理掉床头板上的那块口香糖。
啊，和睦了。