希斯内罗丝:《十一岁》的忧伤

来源 :阅读与作文(英语初中版) | 被引量 : 0次 | 上传用户:ylw962203
下载到本地 , 更方便阅读
声明 : 本文档内容版权归属内容提供方 , 如果您对本文有版权争议 , 可与客服联系进行内容授权或下架
论文部分内容阅读
   桑德拉·希斯內罗斯( Sandra Cisneros),1954年生,当代美国墨西哥裔著名女作家、诗人,30岁时凭借《芒果街上的小屋》(The House on Mango Street)一书成名。另著有短篇故事集《喊女溪及其他》(Women Ho//ering Creek and Other Stories)和诗集若干。
   希斯内罗斯的早年生活对她后来的写作有很大影响:作为家中唯一的女儿她有着强烈的孤独感,而作为墨西哥裔的她徘徊于墨西哥和美国文化之间,却又感觉不属于任何一种文化。这种孤独感和文化游离感在她的作品中都有所体现。
   下面这个短篇《十一岁》选自桑德拉的短篇故事集《喊女溪及其他》,作品延续了《芒果街上的小屋》风格,以女性作家特有的敏感笔触,述说了小女孩成长过程中淡淡的忧伤。作品风格清新,亲切易懂,极具感染力,让读者有一种“言已尽而意无穷”之感。
   What they don’t understand about birthdays and what they never tell you is that when you’re eleven, you’re also ten, and nine, and eight, and seven, and six, and five, and four, and three and two and one. And when you wake up on your eleventh birthday you expect to feel eleven, but you don’t. You open your eyes and everything’s just like yesterday, only it’s today, And you don’t feel eleven a tall. You feel like you’re still ten. And you are-under neath the year that makes you eleven.
   Like some days you might say something stupid, and that’s the part of you that’s still ten. Or maybe some days you might need to sit on your mama’s lap because you’re scared, and that’s the part of you that’s five. And maybe one day when you’re all grown up maybe you will need to cry like you’re three, and that’s okay. That’s what I tell Mama when she’s sad and needs to cry. Maybe she’s feeling three.
   Because the way you grow old is kind of like an onion or like the rings inside a tree trunkor like my little wooden dolls that fit one inside the other, each year inside the next one. That’s how being eleven years old is.
   You don’t feel eleven. Not right away. It takes a few days, weeks even, sometimeseven months before you say “Eleven” when they ask you. And you don’t feel smart eleven, not until you’re almost twelve. That’s the way it is.
   Only today I wish I didn’t have only eleven years rattling inside me like pennies in a tinBand-Aid box. Today I wish I was one hundred and two instead of eleven because if I was one hundred and two I’d have known what to say when Mrs. Price put the red sweater on my desk. I would have known how to tell her it wasn’t mine instead of just sitting there with that look on my face and nothing coming out of my mouth.
  “Whose is this?” Mrs. Price says, and she holds the red sweater up in the air for all the class to see. “Whose? It’s been sitting in the coatroom for a month.”
  “Not mine,” says everybody. “Not me.”
  “It has to belong to somebody,” Mrs. Price keeps saying, but nobody can remember. It’s an ugly sweater with red plastic buttons and a collar and sleeves all stretched out like you could use it for a jump rope. It’s maybe athousand years old and even if it belonged tome I wouldn’t say so.   Maybe because I’m skinny, maybe because she doesn’t like me, that stupid SylviaSaldivar says, “I think it belongs to Rachel.” Anugly sweater like that, all raggedy and old, but Mrs. Price believes her. Mrs. Price takes the sweater and puts it right on my desk, but when I open my mouth nothing comes out.
  “That’s not, I don’t, you’re not… Not mine,”I finally say in a little voice that was maybe me when I was four.
  “Of course it’s yours,” Mrs. Price says. “I remember you wearing it once.” Because she’s older and the teacher, she’s right and I’m not.
  Not mine, not mine, not mine, but Mrs. Price is already turning to page thirty-two, and math problem Number four. I don’t know why but all of a sudden I’m feeling sick inside, like the part of me that’s three wants to come out of my eyes, only I squeeze them shut tight and bite down on my teeth real hard and try to remember that today I am eleven, eleven. Mama is making a cake for me tonight, and when Papa comes home every body will sing happy birthday, happy birthday to you.
  But when the sick feeling goes away and open my eyes, the red sweater’s still sitting there like a big red mountain. I move the red sweater to the corner of my desk with my ruler. I move my pencil and books and eraser as far from it as possible. I even move my chair a little to the right. Not mine, not mine, not mine.
  In my head I’m thinking how long till lunchtime, how long till I can take the red sweater and throw it over the schoolyardfence, or leave it hanging on a parking meter, or bunch it up into a little ball and toss it across the alley. Except when math period ends Mrs. Price says loud and in front of everybody, “Now, Rachel, that’s enough,” because she sees that I’ve shoved the red sweater to the tippy-tipcorner of my desk and it’s hanging all over theedge like a waterfall, but I don’t care.
  “Rachel,” Mrs. Price says. She says it like she’s getting mad. “You put that sweater on right now and no more nonsense.”
  “But it’s not-”
  “Now!” Mrs. Price says.
  This is when I wish I wasn’t eleven, because all the years inside of me-ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, andone-are pushing at the back of my eyes when I put one arm through one sleeve of the sweater that smells like cottage cheese, and then the other arm through the other and stand there with my arms apart like if the sweater hurts me and it does, all itchy and full of germs that aren’t even mine.    That’s when everything I’ve been holding in since this morning, since when Mrs. Priceput the sweater on my desk, finally lets go, and all of a sudden I’m crying in front of everybody. I wish I was invisible but I’m not. I’m elevenand it’s my birthday today and I’m crying like I’m three in front of everybody. I put my head down on the desk and bury my face in mystupid clown-sweater arms. My face all hot and spit coming out of my mouth because I can’t stop the little animal noises from coming out of me, until there aren’t any more tears left in my eyes, and it’s just my body shaking like when you have the hiccups, and my whole head hurts like when you drink milk too fast.
   But the worst part is right before the bellrings for lunch. That stupid Phyllis Lopez, whois even dumber than Sylvia Saldivar, says she remembers the red sweater is hers! I take it off right away and give to her, only Mrs. Price pretends like everything’s okay.
   Today I’m eleven. There’s a cake Mama’s making for tonight, and when Papa comes home from work we’ll eat it. There’ll be candles and presents and everybody will sing Happy birthday, happy birthday to you, Rachel, only it’s too late.
   I’m eleven today. I’m eleven, ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, and one, but I wish I was one hundred and two. I wish was anything but eleven, because I want today to be far away already, far away like a runaway balloon, like a tiny o in the sky, so tiny-tiny you have to close your eyes to see it.
  
   关于生日,他们不明白也永远不会告诉你的是,当你十一岁时,你也是十岁、九岁、八岁、七岁、六岁、五岁、四岁、三岁、两岁和一岁。十一岁生日那天,你醒来,盼望有十一岁的感觉,但是没有。你睁开眼睛,一切恰如昨天,只是它确是今天。你完全感觉不到自己十一岁了。你觉得自己还是十岁。而你——形式上处在让你十一岁的那一年。
   譬如,某天你可能说一些蠢话,那是只有十岁的你。又或者某天你觉得害怕, 想要坐在妈妈的膝头,那是五岁的你。又或者在你完全长大后的某一天,也许你会哭得像三岁时那样,那也没关系。妈妈难过得想哭的时候我就是这么和她说的。也许她那时觉得只有三岁。
   因为我们长大的方式就像洋葱,像树干里面的年轮,像我那些一个套一个的木娃娃,一年包裹着一年。十一岁也是一祥。
   你不觉得自己十一岁了。不会立刻觉察。那需要时日,或许几天,或许几个星期,又或许得好几个月,然后在人们问你的时候你才会回答自己十一岁了。而甚至那时,你还是不觉得自己有十一岁的智慧,直到你快十二岁。事情就是这样。
   但是今天,我希望我的身体里不止区区十一年在那里叮当响,像锡储钱罐里的便士。今天我希望我不是十一岁,而是一百零二岁,因为如果我有一百零二岁的话,我就会知道当普莱斯夫人将那件红色毛线衣放到我课桌上时该说些什么。我就会知道该怎么告诉她它不是我的,而不是仅仅坐在那里,脸上露出那样的表情,嘴里却什么也说不出来。
   “这是谁的?”普莱斯夫人问,将那件红色毛线衣举得高高让全班人都看得到,“谁的?都在更衣室里放了一个月了。”
   “不是我的。”每個人都在说“不是我的”。
   “它肯定是你们当中谁的。”普莱斯夫人不停地强调,但没有人记得。那是一件难看的毛线衣,红色的塑料纽扣,领子和袖子长得都可以用来做跳绳。1日的就像是几百年前的了,就算它是我的,我也不会说出来的。
   或许是因为我瘦,又或许是因为她不喜欢我,那个愚蠢的西尔维娅·萨尔迪瓦尔说道:“我想那是瑞切尔的。”那么难看的毛线衣,又破又旧,但是普莱斯夫人信了她。普莱斯夫人把毛线衣拿过来,放在我的课桌上,我张开了嘴,却说不出什么话来。
   “那不是,我不,你不……不是我的。”我终于说了出来,声音小得像我四岁的时候。    “当然是你的。”普菜斯夫人说,“我记得你还穿过一次呢。”因为她年龄大,又是老师,所以她是对的,而我错了。
   不是我的,不是我的,不是我的,但是普莱斯夫人已经在翻到第三十二页第四道数学题了。我不知道为什么,只是突然觉得心里很难过,感觉三岁的那部分我想从眼睛里跑出来,但我使劲地闭上眼睛,用力地咬紧牙齿,想着今天我十一岁了,十一岁了。妈妈在为我做晚上的蛋糕,等爸爸回来了,大家就会一起唱生日快乐,祝你生日快乐。
   当那股难过劲过去了,我睁开眼睛时,那件红色毛线衣还在那儿,像一座红色的大山。我用尺子将它推向课桌的一角,将我的铅笔、课本、橡皮擦移到离它尽可能远的地方。我甚至将我的椅子向右移了一点。不是我的,不是我的,不是我的。
   我在心里默默地计算着还有多久到午餐时间,到那时我就可以将那件红毛线衣扔到学校操场的栅栏外去,或者把它搭到停车场的计时牌上,或者把它卷成一小团,丢进哪个小巷里。但是,数学课一结束,普莱斯夫人——当着所有人的面——大声说道:“够了,瑞切尔。”她看见我已经把那件红毛线衣挤兑到课桌的边缘了,它像瀑布一样挂在边上,但我不在乎。
   “瑞切尔,”普莱斯夫人喊道,看样子已经生气了。 “你立刻把那件毛线衣穿上,别再做那没用的事了。”
   “但那不是——”
   “穿上!”普莱斯夫人说道。
   我希望我不是十一岁,因为我身体里的所有年龄——十岁、九岁、八岁、七岁、六岁、五岁、四岁、三岁、两岁和一岁——都挤到了我的眼皮后面,我将一只胳膊伸进了毛线衣的一只袖子,那闻起来像农家鲜干酪,又将另一只胳膊伸进了另一只袖子,然后站在那儿,两只胳膊撑开着,就像那件毛线衣会伤着我似的,它的确会,它让我浑身都痒,净是不属于我的细菌。
   这时,我整个早上,从普莱斯夫人把那件红毛线衣放到我课桌上开始就憋着的委屈全都释放了出来,我突然哭了起来,当着所有人的面。我希望别人看不见我,但不可能。我十一岁了,而且今天是我的生日,但我在所有人面前哭得像三岁时似的。我趴在课桌上,脸埋在套着那愚蠢的、小丑般的毛线衣的臂彎里。我的脸憋得通红,唾液从嘴里流出来,不停地发出像小动物一样的呜呜声,直到眼睛里再也没有了眼泪,只剩下身体在那里像打嗝似地抽噎,整个头疼得像喝牛奶喝得太快了一样。
   但是最糟糕的是,就在午餐铃快要响的时候,那个愚蠢的菲利斯·洛佩兹,比西尔维娅·萨尔迪瓦尔还蠢的菲利斯·洛佩兹,说她记起来那件红毛线衣是她的!我立刻把它脱下来给了她,只是普莱斯夫人却装作没事人似的。
   今天我十一岁。妈妈在给我做晚上的蛋糕,等爸爸下班回家我们就会吃它。还会点蜡烛,会有礼物,大家会唱生日快乐,祝你生日快乐,瑞切尔,只是一切都晚了。
   今天我十一岁。我十一岁、十岁、九岁、八岁、七岁、六岁、五岁、四岁、三岁、两岁、一岁,但我希望我有一百零二岁。我希望我自己是任何年龄,就是不要是十一岁,因为我希望今天已经远去,远得像只飞掉的气球,像天空中的一个小圆点,小得你必须闭上眼睛才能看得见。
  
  文章赏读
   从芒果街走出来的希斯内罗丝用第一人称将我们带到了墨西哥某个小学的教室里,在那里,一个即将迈入十一岁的小女孩在生日当天蒙受冤屈。在成人看来,或许只是一件小事,但是作者对小女孩的心理活动的细致刻画将矛盾冲突一步步推向高潮,让读者产生共鸣,对小女孩心中的委屈感同身受。
   小说还道出了一个我们或许都没意识到的道理:“我们长大的方式就像洋葱,像树干里面的年轮,像我那些一个套一个的木娃娃,一年包裹着一年。”“当你十一岁时,你也是十岁、九岁、八岁、七岁、六岁、五岁、四岁、三岁、两岁和一岁。”
   是的,或许我们成长的方式不是从一个年龄段迈向另一个年龄段,不是将原来的那个年龄段抛在身后,而是在原来的基础上,再增加一个年龄,所有的年龄都还在我们的身体里,所以当我们坚强的时候,我们就是那个较为成熟的年龄,当我们脆弱的时候,我们只是回到了年幼的时候。那么,作为读者的你,现在几岁呢?
其他文献
As a stay-at-home dad, I am the economic equivalent of a zero.   This revelation came to me at my local Costco where, upon checkout, I am often asked to apply for their new cashback credit card. Usua
内容提要:“国进民退”是一个由来已久的话题。在近代经济史中,大规模的“国进民退”发生过三次,分别是:上世纪30年代的经济危机时期、二战以后的经济萧条期和上世纪60年代到70年代的经济复苏期。到20世纪80年代,“国进民退”倍受争议,私有化浪潮兴起。为了能够对“国进民退”现象有一个深入理解,并对其发展背景、运行特征和主要经验形成客观认识,特作如下分析,以期能够为政府领导及相关部门的决策所参考。  关
Reporter:Maria Sharapova, the champion tennis star, is setting just as many records in the business world as she is on the court. I sat down with her at an event in New York, where she promoted her Su
2015年1月,我决定去法国留学。当年9月,在签证和学校落实之后,我订了飞往巴黎的单程机票。为什么我會做此决定?我可以用3个字来概括:“巴黎梦”。  许多人的巴黎梦源于这座城市的浪漫、文艺、时尚、歌剧、香水、春天……似乎所有和美好相关的词汇都能在这里找到,而我的巴黎梦则是从海明威的一段话开启:“如果你有幸年轻时在巴黎生活过,那么此后无论你到哪里,她都将一生跟随你,因为巴黎是一场流动的盛宴。”  然
圣诞节是西方最重要的节日。它已经由最初的一个宗教节日变成如今世界性的一个大众节日。人们在节日期间互相赠送祝福和礼物,期盼新年的到来。以下关于圣诞节的常识,有多少是你知道的呢?   1. Christmas Day and Christmas Eve 圣诞节与平安夜   In Christianity[基督教], Christmas is the festival celebrating the
弟子智能跟随大师已经很多年了,可是他一直都对大师所讲的经文断章取义,为此,大师没少操心。智能喜欢独来独往,他认为自己万事都不用求人,所以在寺庙里除了师傅,他谁都不放在眼里。大师看到他的表现直摇头,而智能却说:“师傅,您放心吧,我身体这么好,本领也大着呢!”  大师打算派几个弟子下山,本来没有智能,可是他苦苦相求,大师只好答应了。然而,智能在山下化缘时生了病,一向独来独往的他,不好意思向师弟和身边的
内容提要 从选家资格、阅读视野、文艺批评的态度、具体选目以及后续性的文艺思想等层面来看,尽管《现代诗钞》在总体上呈现出一种多元化的美学风格,是一部艺术兴味较为充分的新诗选本,却也存在着诸种残缺与矛盾,与其说它是一部经典的文学选本,不如说它经典性地呈现了编选者闻一多这样一个有着自我期许的文艺家在时代政治面前的矛盾。就闻一多当时的艺术立场而言,它已然“完成”;他放弃对《现代诗钞》做进一步编订工作,也
〔中图分类号〕I206;G259 〔文献标识码)A 〔文章编号〕0447-662X(2021)09-0089-07  我国皇家图书馆的历史源远流长,周有藏室,汉有天禄、石渠等,魏晋南北朝至隋唐继之不辍,雅名层出。北宋有三馆和秘阁,统称馆阁,元丰改制后隶归秘书省,但南宋仍沿续馆阁之名。历代虽名称有别,功能稍异,但宗旨趋同——“崇文之意一也”。宋代馆阁制度之书明显增多,秘阁校理宋匪躬所撰《皇宋馆阁录》
They say that man is mighty,  He governs land and sea,  He wields a mighty scepter,  Over lesser powers that be.  But a mightier power and stronger,  Man from his throne has hurled,  And the hand that
内容提要离职倾向包括业外离职倾向和业内离职倾向。调查研究发现,职业认同对业外离职倾向有较大影响,由人口学因素、收入因素和职业认同因素构成的回归模型对业外离职倾向有较强的解释力和较好的预测效果,对业内离职倾向则不然。在业外离职倾向模型中,性别、学历和收入因素对离职倾向有显著影响,但是影响最大的因素还是职业认同。在职业认同因素中,除职业能力因子外,职业荣誉、职业忠诚、职业地位和职业前景四个因子对离职倾