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what should I do
金题展示
假如你的朋友Freda跟她的一个好朋友吵架,而刚好她在上周的英语考试中没考好,所以她现在心情非常沮丧。你会给予她什么样的建议呢?请给Freda写一封信劝慰她,不少于80词 (开头和结尾已给出,不计入词数)。
Dear Freda,
I'm sorry to hear that you have some problems.
_______________________________________
_______________________________________
Yours,
Alice
写作指导
① 书信的格式已经给出,不用再考虑了。
② 写建议的时候,不要再提及Freda沮丧的原因,只是就事论事,只讲以后的对策,不问以前的事,免得重新引起Freda的不快。
③ 在语法运用上要多用should或If you...,you will... 这样的语气对方容易接受。
学生习作
Dear Frede,
I'm sorry to hear that you have some problems. You said you argued with one① good friends and felt unhappy. But I don't think it minds②. You are good friends, you may talk with her and tell her your feelings. Communicate③ will make you become good friends again. For the English test last week, I think you could talk with your teacher. He will give you some advices④. And you can work harder to get a better grade next time. You should believe in yourself. Good luck!
Yours,
Alice
习作评析
这个学生的作品,好的方面是:能够说出自己的想法,对方可以理解作者的劝解。不足的方面是:有几处明显的用词错误,中国学生能够理解内容, 但不符合英语的表达习惯。①应该用one of + 复数名词。 ② 本句的意思应该表达为“我认为它不要紧”,mind“介意”,主语应该是“人”,而不能是“物或事”,正确的词是matter“有关系、要紧”。 ③ 本处应该用动名词做主语,不能用动词原形,Communicating。④ advice是不可数名词,本处应该去掉s。
佳作欣赏
Dear Frede,
I'm sorry to hear that you have some problems. You said you argued with one of your good friends and felt unhappy. But I don't think it matters. If you are good friends, you should talk with her and tell her your feelings. Communicating will make you become good friends again. If you are still upset beccause of the English test last week, I think you could talk with your teacher. He will give you some advice. And you can work harder to get a better grade next time. Believe in yourself. Good luck!
Yours,
Alice
首先,这篇佳作从语气上说比较委婉,如"You are good friends, you may talk with her and tell her your feelings"改为了"If you are good friends, you should talk with her and tell her your feelings."又如"For the English test last week, I think you could talk with your teacher."改为了"If you are still upset because of the English test last week, I think you could talk with your teacher."
其次,纠正了原作者的几处语法和用词错误。像这样劝慰的文章,作者不只是要表达题目的要求,而且要注意所使用的语气。
金题展示
假如你的朋友Freda跟她的一个好朋友吵架,而刚好她在上周的英语考试中没考好,所以她现在心情非常沮丧。你会给予她什么样的建议呢?请给Freda写一封信劝慰她,不少于80词 (开头和结尾已给出,不计入词数)。
Dear Freda,
I'm sorry to hear that you have some problems.
_______________________________________
_______________________________________
Yours,
Alice
写作指导
① 书信的格式已经给出,不用再考虑了。
② 写建议的时候,不要再提及Freda沮丧的原因,只是就事论事,只讲以后的对策,不问以前的事,免得重新引起Freda的不快。
③ 在语法运用上要多用should或If you...,you will... 这样的语气对方容易接受。
学生习作
Dear Frede,
I'm sorry to hear that you have some problems. You said you argued with one① good friends and felt unhappy. But I don't think it minds②. You are good friends, you may talk with her and tell her your feelings. Communicate③ will make you become good friends again. For the English test last week, I think you could talk with your teacher. He will give you some advices④. And you can work harder to get a better grade next time. You should believe in yourself. Good luck!
Yours,
Alice
习作评析
这个学生的作品,好的方面是:能够说出自己的想法,对方可以理解作者的劝解。不足的方面是:有几处明显的用词错误,中国学生能够理解内容, 但不符合英语的表达习惯。①应该用one of + 复数名词。 ② 本句的意思应该表达为“我认为它不要紧”,mind“介意”,主语应该是“人”,而不能是“物或事”,正确的词是matter“有关系、要紧”。 ③ 本处应该用动名词做主语,不能用动词原形,Communicating。④ advice是不可数名词,本处应该去掉s。
佳作欣赏
Dear Frede,
I'm sorry to hear that you have some problems. You said you argued with one of your good friends and felt unhappy. But I don't think it matters. If you are good friends, you should talk with her and tell her your feelings. Communicating will make you become good friends again. If you are still upset beccause of the English test last week, I think you could talk with your teacher. He will give you some advice. And you can work harder to get a better grade next time. Believe in yourself. Good luck!
Yours,
Alice
首先,这篇佳作从语气上说比较委婉,如"You are good friends, you may talk with her and tell her your feelings"改为了"If you are good friends, you should talk with her and tell her your feelings."又如"For the English test last week, I think you could talk with your teacher."改为了"If you are still upset because of the English test last week, I think you could talk with your teacher."
其次,纠正了原作者的几处语法和用词错误。像这样劝慰的文章,作者不只是要表达题目的要求,而且要注意所使用的语气。