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My 87-year-old grandmother is frail, housebound, nearly blind—and ready to die. She wants to die. But no one will let her. These days she answers all my phone calls with
1)gallows humor.
“How are you?” I ask.
“I’m still here, sorry to say,” she answers.
My grandmother describes herself as “2)pro-choice.” She believes she has the right to decide her own fate. She thinks that she has lived a full life but now, as the scope of her worldly activities has narrowed so much that she can no longer drive or even go to the bathroom by herself; as she bears the pain of multiple vascular surgeries; as 3)macular degeneration has left her with eyesight so poor, she is unable to read a book or even watch TV; as she has suffered the
4)trauma of breaking her hip twice, her arm once, and her shoulder once—she feels her time has come. She believes she has the right to end her life at the precise point in time when she, as the author of her own narrative, sees it as “over”.
She is wrong—and found this out the hard way.
A few years back, she wrote to Dr. Jack Kevor-kian asking for help. He called her back. My mother, who happened to be at my grandmother’s house that afternoon, answered the phone. She asked who it was. Dr. Kevorkian identified himself. With tears in her eyes and unable to utter a sound, my mother handed the phone to her mom, who lay in her darkened bedroom, recovering from yet another surgery. By the end of the call, it was my grandmother who was in tears. Dr. Kevorkian would not help her; technically speaking, none of her 5)ailments were fatal.
A few years after that, housebound and in considerable pain from 6)unrelenting vascular problems in her legs, my grandmother attempted suicide with a rich 7)stew of pills. Unfortunately for her, she had forgotten that her cleaning woman had a scheduling conflict that week and was to show up that day, a day ahead of schedule. The cleaning woman called 8)911. The hospital had misplaced her “9)do-not-resuscitate” orders. Grandma was revived.
She was furious. To make matters worse, she was 10)mandated into the hospital psychia-tric 11)ward in the aftermath of the attempt. She 12)railed against fate: “How can they say I’m crazy when any person in the right mind would find this life depressing?”
My grandmother is a fervent believer in the right to dictate the terms of one’s own death. And she is not alone. According to a May 2005
13)Gallup poll, 75% of Americans approve of 14)euthanasia. Nevertheless, it is very hard to die in this country, even when every cell in your body is crying out for it.
A month ago my grandmother was called in by her vascular surgeon. The doctor had noted an unusual and dangerous 15)aneurysm on her leg and recommended immediate surgery. My grandmother declined. The doctor tried to scare her. “You could die,” he said, “Any day.” It was the wrong tactic.
He pushed, “It’ll be awful.”
“How so?”
The doctor, as my grandmother later told me on the phone, then explained that the vessel would inevitably burst—in a day, a week or a month—and blood would fly.
“So, it would be messy?” she asked him.
He confirmed this.
She considered it a small price.
According to the doctor, she would feel cold for a few minutes, then pass out and die.
About three weeks following that visit with the doctor, my grandmother passed away in the middle of the night, peacefully and quickly, bleeding to death in her bed. I can only hope that at long last the end of her 16)protracted suffering granted her the relief she so longed for.
May her gentle soul rest in peace!
我87岁的外婆身体很虚弱，因病困居家中，眼睛几乎失明，她快不行了。她想死。但没有人愿意让她死。这些天我打电话给她，她总是用一副临难自嘲的口吻回话。
“你最近好吗？”我问。
“真是遗憾，我还活着呢。”她回答道。
我外婆的态度是在生死问题上尊重个人的选择。她认为自己有权决定自己的命运。她觉得自己已经度过了完整的一生，但现在，她在这个世界上的活动范围大幅缩小，她不能再开车，甚至不能独自上厕所；她得忍受多次血管外科手术带来的痛苦；视网膜黄斑点退化大大影响了她的视力，以致她不能看书，甚至不能看电视；她两次摔断髋骨，一次摔断臂骨，肩骨也跌伤过一次，痛苦万分——她觉得自己是该辞别人世了。她坚信，作为自己人生故事的作者，当她认定生命应当“终结”时，她有权在某个特定的时刻及时地结束自己的生命。
她错了，并且是经过一番艰辛才领悟到这点的。
几年前，她写信给杰克•克沃基恩医生请求他帮她施行安乐死。他给她回了电话。我妈妈那天下午刚好在我外婆家，她接了电话，问对方是谁。克沃基恩医生表明了自己的身份。我妈妈含着泪水，说不出一句话，只把话筒递到我外婆手里。外婆正躺在她那间漆黑的卧室里，她刚做完另一个外科手术，正在养病。通话末了，外婆已是眼泪汪汪。克沃基恩医生不肯帮助她，因为从专业角度来看，她的各种病症中没有哪一种是致命的。
那以后又过了几年，由于因病困居家中，以及她腿部持续的血管问题带来的巨大的痛苦，我外婆企图通过吞食一大堆乱七八糟的药片来自杀。对于她很不幸的是，她忘了家里的清洁女工因为那周的工作安排有冲突，所以那天比计划提前了一天来打扫。那个清洁女工赶紧拨通911求救。医院找不到外婆曾签署的“不予急救”意愿书，于是外婆被救活了。
她气愤不已。更糟的是，那次企图自杀的后果是，她被移交到医院的精神科病房。她抱怨命运的不公，说道：“任何一个精神正常的人都会觉得这样的生活令人沮丧，他们怎么能说我疯狂？”
我外婆狂热地相信，个人有权决定自己的死亡。而且并不只有她一个人这样想。2005年5月的一次盖洛普民意调查显示，75%的美国人赞成安乐死。然而，在美国这个国家里，要死很难，哪怕你身体里的每一个细胞都在发出求死的呼喊。
一个月前，我外婆的血管外科医生来探望她。那个医生发现她腿上有一个异常的危险的动脉瘤，建议马上做手术。我外婆拒绝了。医生试图吓唬她，说：“不做手术你随时会死的。”这个策略用在外婆身上却用错了。
他煽风点火地说：“那会很可怕。”
“有什么可怕？”
我外婆后来在电话里告诉我，那个医生接着解释道，在一天，一个星期或者一个月内，她的血管肯定会爆裂，血会溅得到处都是。
“那么，会弄得一团糟？”她问他。
他确认了这一点。
她认为这只是一个很小的代价而已。
根据医生的说法，她死前会有几分钟感觉到冷，接着昏厥，继而死去。
那次医生的探访过后大约3个星期，我外婆半夜里走了，在床上平静而迅速地流血至死。我只能希望，拖延已久的苦难的终结能给予她渴望已久的解脱。
愿她温柔的灵魂安息！
1)gallows humor.
“How are you?” I ask.
“I’m still here, sorry to say,” she answers.
My grandmother describes herself as “2)pro-choice.” She believes she has the right to decide her own fate. She thinks that she has lived a full life but now, as the scope of her worldly activities has narrowed so much that she can no longer drive or even go to the bathroom by herself; as she bears the pain of multiple vascular surgeries; as 3)macular degeneration has left her with eyesight so poor, she is unable to read a book or even watch TV; as she has suffered the
4)trauma of breaking her hip twice, her arm once, and her shoulder once—she feels her time has come. She believes she has the right to end her life at the precise point in time when she, as the author of her own narrative, sees it as “over”.
She is wrong—and found this out the hard way.
A few years back, she wrote to Dr. Jack Kevor-kian asking for help. He called her back. My mother, who happened to be at my grandmother’s house that afternoon, answered the phone. She asked who it was. Dr. Kevorkian identified himself. With tears in her eyes and unable to utter a sound, my mother handed the phone to her mom, who lay in her darkened bedroom, recovering from yet another surgery. By the end of the call, it was my grandmother who was in tears. Dr. Kevorkian would not help her; technically speaking, none of her 5)ailments were fatal.
A few years after that, housebound and in considerable pain from 6)unrelenting vascular problems in her legs, my grandmother attempted suicide with a rich 7)stew of pills. Unfortunately for her, she had forgotten that her cleaning woman had a scheduling conflict that week and was to show up that day, a day ahead of schedule. The cleaning woman called 8)911. The hospital had misplaced her “9)do-not-resuscitate” orders. Grandma was revived.
She was furious. To make matters worse, she was 10)mandated into the hospital psychia-tric 11)ward in the aftermath of the attempt. She 12)railed against fate: “How can they say I’m crazy when any person in the right mind would find this life depressing?”
My grandmother is a fervent believer in the right to dictate the terms of one’s own death. And she is not alone. According to a May 2005
13)Gallup poll, 75% of Americans approve of 14)euthanasia. Nevertheless, it is very hard to die in this country, even when every cell in your body is crying out for it.
A month ago my grandmother was called in by her vascular surgeon. The doctor had noted an unusual and dangerous 15)aneurysm on her leg and recommended immediate surgery. My grandmother declined. The doctor tried to scare her. “You could die,” he said, “Any day.” It was the wrong tactic.
He pushed, “It’ll be awful.”
“How so?”
The doctor, as my grandmother later told me on the phone, then explained that the vessel would inevitably burst—in a day, a week or a month—and blood would fly.
“So, it would be messy?” she asked him.
He confirmed this.
She considered it a small price.
According to the doctor, she would feel cold for a few minutes, then pass out and die.
About three weeks following that visit with the doctor, my grandmother passed away in the middle of the night, peacefully and quickly, bleeding to death in her bed. I can only hope that at long last the end of her 16)protracted suffering granted her the relief she so longed for.
May her gentle soul rest in peace!
我87岁的外婆身体很虚弱，因病困居家中，眼睛几乎失明，她快不行了。她想死。但没有人愿意让她死。这些天我打电话给她，她总是用一副临难自嘲的口吻回话。
“你最近好吗？”我问。
“真是遗憾，我还活着呢。”她回答道。
我外婆的态度是在生死问题上尊重个人的选择。她认为自己有权决定自己的命运。她觉得自己已经度过了完整的一生，但现在，她在这个世界上的活动范围大幅缩小，她不能再开车，甚至不能独自上厕所；她得忍受多次血管外科手术带来的痛苦；视网膜黄斑点退化大大影响了她的视力，以致她不能看书，甚至不能看电视；她两次摔断髋骨，一次摔断臂骨，肩骨也跌伤过一次，痛苦万分——她觉得自己是该辞别人世了。她坚信，作为自己人生故事的作者，当她认定生命应当“终结”时，她有权在某个特定的时刻及时地结束自己的生命。
她错了，并且是经过一番艰辛才领悟到这点的。
几年前，她写信给杰克•克沃基恩医生请求他帮她施行安乐死。他给她回了电话。我妈妈那天下午刚好在我外婆家，她接了电话，问对方是谁。克沃基恩医生表明了自己的身份。我妈妈含着泪水，说不出一句话，只把话筒递到我外婆手里。外婆正躺在她那间漆黑的卧室里，她刚做完另一个外科手术，正在养病。通话末了，外婆已是眼泪汪汪。克沃基恩医生不肯帮助她，因为从专业角度来看，她的各种病症中没有哪一种是致命的。
那以后又过了几年，由于因病困居家中，以及她腿部持续的血管问题带来的巨大的痛苦，我外婆企图通过吞食一大堆乱七八糟的药片来自杀。对于她很不幸的是，她忘了家里的清洁女工因为那周的工作安排有冲突，所以那天比计划提前了一天来打扫。那个清洁女工赶紧拨通911求救。医院找不到外婆曾签署的“不予急救”意愿书，于是外婆被救活了。
她气愤不已。更糟的是，那次企图自杀的后果是，她被移交到医院的精神科病房。她抱怨命运的不公，说道：“任何一个精神正常的人都会觉得这样的生活令人沮丧，他们怎么能说我疯狂？”
我外婆狂热地相信，个人有权决定自己的死亡。而且并不只有她一个人这样想。2005年5月的一次盖洛普民意调查显示，75%的美国人赞成安乐死。然而，在美国这个国家里，要死很难，哪怕你身体里的每一个细胞都在发出求死的呼喊。
一个月前，我外婆的血管外科医生来探望她。那个医生发现她腿上有一个异常的危险的动脉瘤，建议马上做手术。我外婆拒绝了。医生试图吓唬她，说：“不做手术你随时会死的。”这个策略用在外婆身上却用错了。
他煽风点火地说：“那会很可怕。”
“有什么可怕？”
我外婆后来在电话里告诉我，那个医生接着解释道，在一天，一个星期或者一个月内，她的血管肯定会爆裂，血会溅得到处都是。
“那么，会弄得一团糟？”她问他。
他确认了这一点。
她认为这只是一个很小的代价而已。
根据医生的说法，她死前会有几分钟感觉到冷，接着昏厥，继而死去。
那次医生的探访过后大约3个星期，我外婆半夜里走了，在床上平静而迅速地流血至死。我只能希望，拖延已久的苦难的终结能给予她渴望已久的解脱。
愿她温柔的灵魂安息！