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【作文题目】
请根据以下提示，结合你生活中的一个事例，以show more concern over the disabled为题，写一篇120字左右的短文。
It is reported that there are approximately 85 million disabled people in our country. They are a disadvantageous group of people in our society who need help both from the government and from the whole society. If we do a little for them in our life， it will make a great difference to them.
【素材分析及写作策划】
文体特征：根据题意，应该写一篇夹叙夹议的文章，文章要求以身边的事例突出主题，最后表明作者自己的观点。
人称特征：叙述一件身边的事例应以第一人称为主。议论部分提出的观点应切合实际，能使人受到启迪。
时态特征：文体决定时态，叙事部分应当以过去时态为主，议论部分表达的是作者的观点，应以现在时态为主。
写作重点：文章首先应当简要概述一下本文的写作背景，引出下文，然后根据文章的要求，重点在叙事上，讲述日常生活中帮助残疾人的事例。议论部分为文章的点晴之笔，表明作者的态度。
亮点策划：本文为夹叙夹议的文章，前面主要以叙事为主，要注意语言的流畅，在叙述的过程中运用多种句型（如强调句，倒装句，分词作状语，with的复合结构及各种从句），并用适当的连接词使文章连贯、流畅。
【习作1】
Show More Concern Over the Disabled
As far as I know， there are so many disabled people in our country. In view of the practical need of society， it is essential to show our love and more concern over the disabled. The disabled people are a weak group. It is high time that something should be done to help them. Though we have done many things for them， we should put our heart on them.
It was a cold winter morning. Many people were busy going to work， but I was looking out of the window. Suddenly I saw a people walking across the street. He walked slowly and held a stick. It seemed that he was blind. In no time did I rush out my home. “Can I help you？” I said out of breath. The blind nodded with a smile. When we crossed the street， he was delighted and said “thanks” to me. I feel so warm though the temperature is low.
In my opinion， we should give more love and concern to thedisabled and talk more with them. Only with our heart can we expect the world to become warmer and warmer.
【亮点赏析】
1. 全文层次分明，详略得当，发挥适度，语言流畅；时态使用恰当，通过生活中的经历来引出人们对残疾人的关注。
2. In view of the practical need of society， it is essential to show our love and more concern over the disabled中 in view of ...； it is essential to ... 等的使用体现出作者对短语及较高级词汇运用的有效把握能力。
3. In no time did I rush out my home和Only with our heart can we expect the world to become warmer and warmer两句都使用倒装句型，突出了作者对倒装的运用能力，并点出了文章主题。
【瑕疵探讨】
1. 整篇文章句型比较单一，结构简单，过渡略显生硬。例如It was a cold winter morning. Many people were busy going to work， but I was looking out of the window可以改写成：On a cold winter morning， I was looking out of the window when many people were busy going to work。 2. 文中语言不够准确，有些错误的表达，例如：Suddenly I saw a people walking across ... 应该是 ... I saw a person walking across ...。I feel so warm though the temperature is low的时态运用不当，跟前面的叙事时态没有照应。
【习作2】
Showing More Concern Over the Disabled
As is reported， there are millions of people who are disabled around us. Compared with normal people， they are a disadvantageous group. And they really need our help. Though we have done something for them such as organizing the volunteer group， it is not enough. I think it is our love and care that can really make them happy.
It was a cold night. My father and I were eating at a small restaurant. A while later， there came an old man with a walking stick， looked very poor. What made me surprised was that he begged not for money but for a bottle of hot water. It was so cold that his face turned pale and his hands were red. To my surprise， many people sent tea， milk and coffee to him. And he burst into tears. I realized that the world was a beautiful one.
There is no doubt that it is not convenient for the disabled to do something. Only if we show more love and concern to them will they be happy in their heart. So whenever we meet the disabled people， we should do something for them as possible as we can. Only in this way will the world be full of love！
【亮点赏析】
1. 全文安排合理，详略得当，时态使用恰当，过渡自然。
2. Only if we show more love and concern to them will they be happy in their heart. Only in this way will the world be full of love！ 这两个倒装句用得很好，增强了语言的表现力，点出了文章主题。
3. I think it is our love and care that can really makes them happy.句中使用强调句，突出文章中心，整句起到承上启下的作用。
4. What made me surprised was that he begged not for money but for a bottle of hot water.句中运用主语从句引出一则感人故事，体现了残疾人所处的境遇。
【瑕疵探讨】
1. 全文以简单句为主，复杂的句式结构不多，虽然文中没有什么语言错误，但是读起来仍有平淡无味之感，自然难以夺取高分。其实文中很多句子可以合并改写。例如：
2. 部分句子语言不地道，读起来不是很流畅。例如：Though we have done something for them such as organizing the volunteer group， it is not enough.可以改写成：There is a long way for us to go before all the disabled are taken good care of.
【参考范文】
Show More Concern Over the Disabled
It’s reported that the number of the disabled has surprisingly reached 85 million up to now. As life may be tough for the disabled， we are supposed to show more concern over them.
There was once a time when I took a bus to my aunt’s home. Getting on the bus ahead of others， I was able to take a comfortable seat. Gradually， the bus got crowded and noisy. Suddenly， there came an old man， with one leg broken. He looked around to seek for a seat， only to find people seated talking and chatting happily as if they hadn’t seen him. Letting out a deep sigh， the old man had to stand leaning against the rail helplessly. At this sight， I stood up without hesitation and requested him to take my seat. He didn’t say a word， but I could feel his gratitude from his smile.
The disabled do need our help. We oughtn’t to ignore but respect and make allowances for them. Given concern and help， they’re sure to live as rich and full a life as we do.
请根据以下提示，结合你生活中的一个事例，以show more concern over the disabled为题，写一篇120字左右的短文。
It is reported that there are approximately 85 million disabled people in our country. They are a disadvantageous group of people in our society who need help both from the government and from the whole society. If we do a little for them in our life， it will make a great difference to them.
【素材分析及写作策划】
文体特征：根据题意，应该写一篇夹叙夹议的文章，文章要求以身边的事例突出主题，最后表明作者自己的观点。
人称特征：叙述一件身边的事例应以第一人称为主。议论部分提出的观点应切合实际，能使人受到启迪。
时态特征：文体决定时态，叙事部分应当以过去时态为主，议论部分表达的是作者的观点，应以现在时态为主。
写作重点：文章首先应当简要概述一下本文的写作背景，引出下文，然后根据文章的要求，重点在叙事上，讲述日常生活中帮助残疾人的事例。议论部分为文章的点晴之笔，表明作者的态度。
亮点策划：本文为夹叙夹议的文章，前面主要以叙事为主，要注意语言的流畅，在叙述的过程中运用多种句型（如强调句，倒装句，分词作状语，with的复合结构及各种从句），并用适当的连接词使文章连贯、流畅。
【习作1】
Show More Concern Over the Disabled
As far as I know， there are so many disabled people in our country. In view of the practical need of society， it is essential to show our love and more concern over the disabled. The disabled people are a weak group. It is high time that something should be done to help them. Though we have done many things for them， we should put our heart on them.
It was a cold winter morning. Many people were busy going to work， but I was looking out of the window. Suddenly I saw a people walking across the street. He walked slowly and held a stick. It seemed that he was blind. In no time did I rush out my home. “Can I help you？” I said out of breath. The blind nodded with a smile. When we crossed the street， he was delighted and said “thanks” to me. I feel so warm though the temperature is low.
In my opinion， we should give more love and concern to thedisabled and talk more with them. Only with our heart can we expect the world to become warmer and warmer.
【亮点赏析】
1. 全文层次分明，详略得当，发挥适度，语言流畅；时态使用恰当，通过生活中的经历来引出人们对残疾人的关注。
2. In view of the practical need of society， it is essential to show our love and more concern over the disabled中 in view of ...； it is essential to ... 等的使用体现出作者对短语及较高级词汇运用的有效把握能力。
3. In no time did I rush out my home和Only with our heart can we expect the world to become warmer and warmer两句都使用倒装句型，突出了作者对倒装的运用能力，并点出了文章主题。
【瑕疵探讨】
1. 整篇文章句型比较单一，结构简单，过渡略显生硬。例如It was a cold winter morning. Many people were busy going to work， but I was looking out of the window可以改写成：On a cold winter morning， I was looking out of the window when many people were busy going to work。 2. 文中语言不够准确，有些错误的表达，例如：Suddenly I saw a people walking across ... 应该是 ... I saw a person walking across ...。I feel so warm though the temperature is low的时态运用不当，跟前面的叙事时态没有照应。
【习作2】
Showing More Concern Over the Disabled
As is reported， there are millions of people who are disabled around us. Compared with normal people， they are a disadvantageous group. And they really need our help. Though we have done something for them such as organizing the volunteer group， it is not enough. I think it is our love and care that can really make them happy.
It was a cold night. My father and I were eating at a small restaurant. A while later， there came an old man with a walking stick， looked very poor. What made me surprised was that he begged not for money but for a bottle of hot water. It was so cold that his face turned pale and his hands were red. To my surprise， many people sent tea， milk and coffee to him. And he burst into tears. I realized that the world was a beautiful one.
There is no doubt that it is not convenient for the disabled to do something. Only if we show more love and concern to them will they be happy in their heart. So whenever we meet the disabled people， we should do something for them as possible as we can. Only in this way will the world be full of love！
【亮点赏析】
1. 全文安排合理，详略得当，时态使用恰当，过渡自然。
2. Only if we show more love and concern to them will they be happy in their heart. Only in this way will the world be full of love！ 这两个倒装句用得很好，增强了语言的表现力，点出了文章主题。
3. I think it is our love and care that can really makes them happy.句中使用强调句，突出文章中心，整句起到承上启下的作用。
4. What made me surprised was that he begged not for money but for a bottle of hot water.句中运用主语从句引出一则感人故事，体现了残疾人所处的境遇。
【瑕疵探讨】
1. 全文以简单句为主，复杂的句式结构不多，虽然文中没有什么语言错误，但是读起来仍有平淡无味之感，自然难以夺取高分。其实文中很多句子可以合并改写。例如：
2. 部分句子语言不地道，读起来不是很流畅。例如：Though we have done something for them such as organizing the volunteer group， it is not enough.可以改写成：There is a long way for us to go before all the disabled are taken good care of.
【参考范文】
Show More Concern Over the Disabled
It’s reported that the number of the disabled has surprisingly reached 85 million up to now. As life may be tough for the disabled， we are supposed to show more concern over them.
There was once a time when I took a bus to my aunt’s home. Getting on the bus ahead of others， I was able to take a comfortable seat. Gradually， the bus got crowded and noisy. Suddenly， there came an old man， with one leg broken. He looked around to seek for a seat， only to find people seated talking and chatting happily as if they hadn’t seen him. Letting out a deep sigh， the old man had to stand leaning against the rail helplessly. At this sight， I stood up without hesitation and requested him to take my seat. He didn’t say a word， but I could feel his gratitude from his smile.
The disabled do need our help. We oughtn’t to ignore but respect and make allowances for them. Given concern and help， they’re sure to live as rich and full a life as we do.