书面表达

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  【试题呈现】
  请根据以下提示,并结合事例,用英语写一篇短文。
  As long as we dare to dream and don’t give up halfway, anything is possible -- there is truly no end to where our dreams can take us.
  注意:
  1. 无须写标题,不得照抄英语提示语;
  2. 除诗歌外,文体不限;
  3. 词数为120左右。
  【审题点拨】
  这是一篇开放性短文写作,这种题型往往用英语提示语的形式先给出一个话题,要求同学们结合事例通过举例佐证该话题。开放性短文写作的文章结构一般呈三段式:1. 首段开门见山点题;2. 中间一段举例说明主题;3. 尾段强调首段的主题或进行总结。因此,写该类型的作文时先要做到审题准确,定位清楚,如本题中,同学们应仔细审题,抓住关键词“dare to dream and don’t give up halfway”。理解主题后,选取与话题相关的事例,这个事例必须切题、典型、有说服力,这是例证法的关键。最后,结尾要照应开头,尾段遣词造句要简结、明快、干净利落,犹如豹尾劲扫,响亮有力,给读者以咀嚼回味的余地,避免空喊口号和拖泥带水。
  习作一
  There is no doubt that we are faced with many difficulties in life. However, we can’t give up our dreams when we are in difficulty. We should dare to dream and dare to achieve.
  There was a time when I failed in many exams. So sad was I that I wanted to give up. But my father told me that I shouldn’t give up easily and I had a dream of being admitted to a key university. I took my heart and began to study hard. I made a good progress on my study. I noticed that I should try my best to achieve my dream.
  As an anonymous author once wrote, “May there be enough clouds in your life to make a beautiful sunset.” We have enough dreams just like clouds. It’s meaningful for us to dream and achieve them. Life is colorful because of dreaming.
  (黄石二中高二阳光班 黄仪)
  这是一篇中档习作。其优点是:
  (1)本文语言基本表达流畅,要点齐全,层次分明。在首段作者使用句型“There is no doubt that we are faced with many difficulties in the life”来导入话题,阐述坚持梦想的重要性;第二段中所列举事例符合主题,使用的“There was a time when”和“So sad was I that I”等高级表达给文章增色不少;第三段引用名言来凸现主题是一个很好的写作技巧,往往能给读者留下很深的印象,也是阅卷老师评分的一个重要依据。
  (2)作者运用了一些高级词汇和短语,如:be faced with,give up,dare,be admitted to,make progress,try one’s best,achieve one’s dream,meaningful,because of使文章语言比较丰富。
  (3)作者尝试运用了一些不同的、较复杂的句子结构。如:
  There is no doubt that ... (同位语从句)
  There was a time when ... (定语从句)
  So sad was I that I wanted to give up.(倒装句)
  ... dream of being admitted to a key university.(非谓语动词)
  As an anonymous author once wrote, ... (as引导的非限制性定语从句)
  (4)作者引用名言既凸显主题,又展示了自己的英语修养,如结尾段首的这句As an author once wrote, “May there be enough clouds in your life to make a beautiful sunset.”源自冰心的一篇文章《谈生命》中出现的一个句子,作者通过“We have enough dreams just like clouds.”將dreams比作clouds,赋予了引言新的含义“梦想成就人生”。
  不足之处是:
  (1) took my heart应该为took hear。take heart为固定搭配,意为“鼓起勇气,振作起来”;
  (2) I made a good progress on my study应改为I made great/much progress on my study。progress为不可数名词;   (3)第二段中作者简单句重复使用过多,而且部分句意表述不准确,语言还需要提炼。文中的“But my father told me that I shouldn’t give up easily and I had a dream of being admitted to a key university. I took my heart and began to study hard. I made a good progress on my study. I noticed that I should try my best to achieve my dream.”可修改如下:“But my father told me that I shouldn’t easily give up my dream of being admitted to a key university. I took heart and began to study hard. So great progress have I made on my study that I realize I should have tried my best to achieve my dream earlier.”
  习作二
  There is no doubt that the way to our dreams is crowded with obstacle. Sometimes we may be hindered by some difficulty and fail halfway. What motivates us to feel our feet? They are our dreams, the dreams in our hearts.
  As a girl, I felt it rather difficult to learn physics. I had been making every effort to learn it but still in vain. Never was I caught in such a hopeless situation. How depressed I was then. I was just about to give up when my dream flashed into my mind. I have been dreaming of being admitted into a key university and creating my colorful life. If I gave up halfway how could I achieve my dream? Finally I managed to gather up my courage to continue my study.
  Nothing should be done hastily to give up your dreams. Do believe that bright future is in store for those who take firm possession of their dreams.
  (黃石二中高二阳光班 刘 熠)
  这是一篇高档习作。
  (1)本篇文章表达思想清楚,内容丰富。语言通顺,语意连贯,具备较强的语言运用能力。
  (2)无词不成句,无句不成文。“词”是写作的基础,文中使用的词汇和短语极为丰富、准确。如:be crowded with,obstacle,hinder,motivate,feel one’s feet,make every effort,in vain,be caught in,hopeless,depressed,flash,be admitted into,manage,gather up,courage,hastily,in store for,firm,take possession of等;
  (3)作者尝试使用了较多的、较复杂的句式结构。如:
  There is no doubt that(同位语从句)
  Sometimes we may be hindered by(被动语态)
  I felt it rather difficult to learn physics.(it用作形式宾语)
  Never was I caught in such a hopeless situation.(倒装句)
  I was just about to give up when ... .(固定句型be about to do sth when ...)
  I have been dreaming of being admitted into a key university and creating my colorful life.(现在完成进行时和非谓语动词作宾语)
  If I gave up halfway how could I achieve my dream?(虚拟语气)
  Do believe that bright future is in store for those who take firm possession of their dreams.(强调句,祈使句,定语从句)
  本篇文章段落清楚、层次分明,行文逻辑通顺、句子变化多样,显示了作者扎实的语言功底。
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