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薇雨 译
Sam, The Boy Behind the Mask
一个孩子，因为与生俱来的面貌缺陷，而承担了与其年龄极不相符的苦难，也因此无法享受正常孩子轻易获取的快乐。阅读这个故事时苦涩的感受就像四年前的那个深夜，我在舍友的酣睡声中挑灯流着泪看完余华《活着》时的感受——世界上再没有故事主角所不能承受的痛苦了。
当美貌甚至成为当今社会的一种经济，人们愈发肤浅地用相貌评判一个人时，我们应该清醒：内在美，人性的闪光点，更值得人们赞颂与追求！
——Lavender
He pauses to study his face in the mirror, to see what others see when they look at him.
A huge mass of flesh balloons from the left side of his face. The main body of tissue, 1)laced with blue veins, 2)swells in a 3)dome from 4)sideburn level to chin. The mass draws his left eye into a 5)slit, 6)warps his mouth into a small inverted half-moon. It looks as though someone had slapped three pounds of wet clay onto his face, where it clings, burying the boy inside.
But his right eye is clear and perfectly formed. His 7)iris is a deep, penetrating brown, and one third of his face surrounding this normal eye gives the impression of a normal teenager. Sam’s 8)close-cropped hair is shaped carefully, 9)trimmed neatly behind his delicate right ear. His right cheek glows with the blushing good health that the rest of his face has obscured.
There is the mask.
And there is the boy behind the mask.
The last school bell rings, and students crowd out of classrooms and jam the halls. They gather in front of lockers to talk, they shout and make plans for the afternoon. Sam slips through them unnoticed and heads home on a winding street.
When reaching home, he goes upstairs directly. He walks along the hall to the door with the toy 10)license plate announcing “Sam.” In his room he 11)fiddles with a 12)laptop, leafs through a motorcycle magazine, and plays with a 13)foam basketball.
He sits on the bed and 14)tosses the ball across the room, hitting a poster on the wall. His mother made that poster, assembling family photographs and documents and then 15)laminating them. They are the 16)remnants of a fading childhood.
In the middle of the poster is a questionnaire Sam filled out when he was eight. He had been asked to list his three greatest wishes. First, he said, he wanted $1 million. Next, a dog. On the third line, he 17)doodled three question marks——back then, he couldn’t think of anything else he wanted or needed. If he could be granted one wish now, it would be to look better. Not perfect. Not like a model. Sam just wants to look a little more normal. He wants people to see beyond his face.
He hears the back door shut downstairs. His father is home. Sam goes to his door. He can hear his parents talking, and he listens carefully, but he can’t make out the words. Maybe his parents are talking about him.
He changes into his clothes for the 18)open house, the shirt and pants he selected with such care. All eighth-graders are 19)obsessed with how they look and how they’ll 20)fit in at school. Sam is no different. He watches MTV. He knows what’s considered popular and cool. He knows what girls like. Everyone talks about beauty being on the inside, but Sam knows that’s only what people tell themselves. It may seem true to little kids, or to men and women in their forties. But to a teenager like Sam, it’s a lie.
When Sam 21)was due to arrive at middle school, his fifth-grade teacher, worried that he would be teased and misunderstood, created a slide show on his life. She gathered photographs of Sam from his family, and asked students who knew him in grade school to write letters of introduction. Then she held an assembly at the middle school, and at all the 22)grade schools that would send kids to 23)Gregory Heights. After the students had seen pictures of Sam, she read the letters written by his schoolmates.
“I’ve known Sam for the greater portion of my time at Rose City Park,” one student wrote. “Not very well until this year, though. I remember that kids, ignorant, hateful kids, would make fun of him....Think how horrible it was for him. I, like many other people, did nothing. I was quiet and got my fair share of teasing....I deeply regret [that I did nothing]. I wasn’t in Sam’s class again until fifth grade. I saw a tremendous improvement in the other kids. Perhaps ignorance was our biggest enemy. I saw a new side of Sam, too. A side that had always been there, a side that only needed a closer look. So I ask you, before you judge Sam, or anyone for that matter, remember that a person’s true beauty is not on the outside, but within their heart.”
Sam’s teacher ended the assemblies by reminding students that while Sam looked different, he was a normal boy. They didn’t have to be his best friends, but they should not be afraid of him, or make fun of him.
Life hasn’t been perfect for Sam in middle school. Teachers were shocked when they first saw him. When he walked down the halls 24)early on, he knew that a lot of kids and teachers assumed he was a special education student. In time, though, everyone in the school has come to see him as just Sam. They don’t care about the 25)disfiguring mass, or at least they don’t show it if they do. But high school and beyond, he knows, will be different. No matter what people tell him, Sam recognizes that he is moving into a larger world of judgmental teenagers. And he carries with him a terrible handicap, a face that scares others.
He checks the clock, and sees that it’s almost time to go. He takes a deep breath. He hopes he’s picked the right clothes.
他停下来，端详起镜子里自己的脸，想看看他人眼中的自己是怎么一副模样。
他的左脸有一大团如汽球般鼓胀的血肉肿块，夹杂着蓝色血管的组织主体，从鬓脚到下巴隆起一个包。肿块把他的左眼拉扯成一条细缝，嘴巴扭曲成嘴角朝下的小月牙状。看起来好像有人在他脸上打了三磅重（约2.72斤）未干的陶土，从此粘住不动，把少年的脸埋在了里面。
但他的右眼清澈晶亮，形状完美无瑕；虹膜是深邃、具穿透力的褐色。如果只看这只正常眼睛周围三分之一的脸庞，他是正常少年的模样。山姆寸长的短发精心剪过，秀气的右耳后面修得很整齐；右颊泛着他脸上其余地方看不到的健康红晕。
面具在那里。
面具背后的男孩也在那里。
放学铃响了，学生们涌出课室，挤满了过道。他们聚在带锁的柜子前交谈，呼叫着，讨论下午的安排。山姆从他们中间闪过，没有人留意到他。他顺着一条蜿蜒的街道立即回家。
到家后，他径直上楼了。他沿着过道走到那扇挂着玩具车牌的门，车牌上写着“山姆”。他在房间里时而胡乱摆弄着笔记本电脑，时而翻阅一本摩托车杂志，时而玩玩海绵篮球。
他坐在床上，把球在房间里抛投着，球打到墙上的一张海报上。海报是他妈妈把家庭照片和文字材料聚拢起来剪贴而成的，是他逐渐远去的童年里仅剩的东西。
海报中央是山姆八岁时填写的一张调查表，他被要求列出自己的三大愿望。第一，他写道，他想要一百万美元。其次，他想要一只狗。在第三行，他胡乱写了三个问号——当时他想不出自己还盼望或需要什么别的东西。如果他现在能有一个愿望被满足，那他会要求让自己长得好看一些。不需要完美，不需要长得像个模特儿。山姆仅仅希望自己的外表看上去正常一点。他希望人们能看到他面孔以外的东西。
他听到楼下传来后门关上的声音。爸爸回家了。山姆走近他的房门。他可以听到爸妈在谈话，他很仔细地听着，却一个词也没有听清。也许爸妈正在谈论他。
因为要参加某所中学的接待日活动，他换上了先前精心挑选出来的衬衣和裤子。八年级的学生都很在乎自己的外表，关心怎样才能在学校里赢得人缘。山姆也不例外。他看音乐电视台，知道当下流行什么，知道大家觉得什么最酷。他知道女孩子喜欢什么。每个人都在谈论着内在美，但山姆知道那只是人们在欺骗自己。也许对于小孩子，或者那些四十多岁的男人女人来说，真有什么内在美。但对于像山姆这样的少年，它是一个谎言。
当山姆到了念中学的年龄，五年级时教他的老师很担心他会被同学嘲笑和误解，便围绕他的生活制作了一组幻灯片。她从山姆家收集了他的一些照片，并叫那些念小学就认识山姆的学生给他写介绍信。然后她在山姆就读的格雷戈里•海特中学，以及那些将把孩子送到格雷戈里•海特中学就读的小学里都各举办了一次集会。学生们看完山姆的照片以后，那个老师念了山姆的同学写的一些信。
“我在玫瑰城公园小学时已经认识山姆很久了，”一个学生写道。“但直到今年才比较了解他。我记得那些无知、可憎的孩子常取笑他……想想看，这些遭遇对他来说多么恐怖啊。我像其他的许多人一样，没有阻止那些孩子。我只是安安静静的，有时也参与到他们的嘲笑中……我很后悔（自己没有为他做任何事）。直到五年级，我才有机会再次和山姆同班。我看到了其他孩子们的巨大进步。也许无知就是我们最大的敌人。我也看到了山姆新的一面，它一直存在在那里，我们只需要仔细一些就可以看见。所以我请求你们，在你们评价山姆或者其他人之前，请记住，一个人真正的美并不表现在外面，而是深藏在心里的。”
集会临结束时，山姆的老师提醒同学们说，虽然山姆看上去和一般人不同，但他是一个正常的男孩。他们不需要成为山姆最好的朋友，但他们不应该害怕他或者嘲笑他。
中学的生活对于山姆来说并不完美。老师们第一眼看见他的时候都吓了一跳。起初当他沿着过道走过去时，他知道很多学生和老师都以为他是特殊学校的孩子。然而不久，学校里的每一个人都仅仅把他看成是山姆了。他们不介意他脸上那个丑陋的肿块，或者至少，他们不会表现出他们的介意。但山姆知道，高中以及高中以后的世界就不一样了。不管人们怎样宽慰他，山姆明白自己正走向一个圈子更大的世界，那里面满是喜欢评头品足、臧否人事的青少年。而他有一项严重的残疾，一张吓人的脸。
他看了看钟，发现就该出发了。他深深吸了一口气，希望自己身上穿着的是合适的衣服。
Sam, The Boy Behind the Mask
一个孩子，因为与生俱来的面貌缺陷，而承担了与其年龄极不相符的苦难，也因此无法享受正常孩子轻易获取的快乐。阅读这个故事时苦涩的感受就像四年前的那个深夜，我在舍友的酣睡声中挑灯流着泪看完余华《活着》时的感受——世界上再没有故事主角所不能承受的痛苦了。
当美貌甚至成为当今社会的一种经济，人们愈发肤浅地用相貌评判一个人时，我们应该清醒：内在美，人性的闪光点，更值得人们赞颂与追求！
——Lavender
He pauses to study his face in the mirror, to see what others see when they look at him.
A huge mass of flesh balloons from the left side of his face. The main body of tissue, 1)laced with blue veins, 2)swells in a 3)dome from 4)sideburn level to chin. The mass draws his left eye into a 5)slit, 6)warps his mouth into a small inverted half-moon. It looks as though someone had slapped three pounds of wet clay onto his face, where it clings, burying the boy inside.
But his right eye is clear and perfectly formed. His 7)iris is a deep, penetrating brown, and one third of his face surrounding this normal eye gives the impression of a normal teenager. Sam’s 8)close-cropped hair is shaped carefully, 9)trimmed neatly behind his delicate right ear. His right cheek glows with the blushing good health that the rest of his face has obscured.
There is the mask.
And there is the boy behind the mask.
The last school bell rings, and students crowd out of classrooms and jam the halls. They gather in front of lockers to talk, they shout and make plans for the afternoon. Sam slips through them unnoticed and heads home on a winding street.
When reaching home, he goes upstairs directly. He walks along the hall to the door with the toy 10)license plate announcing “Sam.” In his room he 11)fiddles with a 12)laptop, leafs through a motorcycle magazine, and plays with a 13)foam basketball.
He sits on the bed and 14)tosses the ball across the room, hitting a poster on the wall. His mother made that poster, assembling family photographs and documents and then 15)laminating them. They are the 16)remnants of a fading childhood.
In the middle of the poster is a questionnaire Sam filled out when he was eight. He had been asked to list his three greatest wishes. First, he said, he wanted $1 million. Next, a dog. On the third line, he 17)doodled three question marks——back then, he couldn’t think of anything else he wanted or needed. If he could be granted one wish now, it would be to look better. Not perfect. Not like a model. Sam just wants to look a little more normal. He wants people to see beyond his face.
He hears the back door shut downstairs. His father is home. Sam goes to his door. He can hear his parents talking, and he listens carefully, but he can’t make out the words. Maybe his parents are talking about him.
He changes into his clothes for the 18)open house, the shirt and pants he selected with such care. All eighth-graders are 19)obsessed with how they look and how they’ll 20)fit in at school. Sam is no different. He watches MTV. He knows what’s considered popular and cool. He knows what girls like. Everyone talks about beauty being on the inside, but Sam knows that’s only what people tell themselves. It may seem true to little kids, or to men and women in their forties. But to a teenager like Sam, it’s a lie.
When Sam 21)was due to arrive at middle school, his fifth-grade teacher, worried that he would be teased and misunderstood, created a slide show on his life. She gathered photographs of Sam from his family, and asked students who knew him in grade school to write letters of introduction. Then she held an assembly at the middle school, and at all the 22)grade schools that would send kids to 23)Gregory Heights. After the students had seen pictures of Sam, she read the letters written by his schoolmates.
“I’ve known Sam for the greater portion of my time at Rose City Park,” one student wrote. “Not very well until this year, though. I remember that kids, ignorant, hateful kids, would make fun of him....Think how horrible it was for him. I, like many other people, did nothing. I was quiet and got my fair share of teasing....I deeply regret [that I did nothing]. I wasn’t in Sam’s class again until fifth grade. I saw a tremendous improvement in the other kids. Perhaps ignorance was our biggest enemy. I saw a new side of Sam, too. A side that had always been there, a side that only needed a closer look. So I ask you, before you judge Sam, or anyone for that matter, remember that a person’s true beauty is not on the outside, but within their heart.”
Sam’s teacher ended the assemblies by reminding students that while Sam looked different, he was a normal boy. They didn’t have to be his best friends, but they should not be afraid of him, or make fun of him.
Life hasn’t been perfect for Sam in middle school. Teachers were shocked when they first saw him. When he walked down the halls 24)early on, he knew that a lot of kids and teachers assumed he was a special education student. In time, though, everyone in the school has come to see him as just Sam. They don’t care about the 25)disfiguring mass, or at least they don’t show it if they do. But high school and beyond, he knows, will be different. No matter what people tell him, Sam recognizes that he is moving into a larger world of judgmental teenagers. And he carries with him a terrible handicap, a face that scares others.
He checks the clock, and sees that it’s almost time to go. He takes a deep breath. He hopes he’s picked the right clothes.
他停下来，端详起镜子里自己的脸，想看看他人眼中的自己是怎么一副模样。
他的左脸有一大团如汽球般鼓胀的血肉肿块，夹杂着蓝色血管的组织主体，从鬓脚到下巴隆起一个包。肿块把他的左眼拉扯成一条细缝，嘴巴扭曲成嘴角朝下的小月牙状。看起来好像有人在他脸上打了三磅重（约2.72斤）未干的陶土，从此粘住不动，把少年的脸埋在了里面。
但他的右眼清澈晶亮，形状完美无瑕；虹膜是深邃、具穿透力的褐色。如果只看这只正常眼睛周围三分之一的脸庞，他是正常少年的模样。山姆寸长的短发精心剪过，秀气的右耳后面修得很整齐；右颊泛着他脸上其余地方看不到的健康红晕。
面具在那里。
面具背后的男孩也在那里。
放学铃响了，学生们涌出课室，挤满了过道。他们聚在带锁的柜子前交谈，呼叫着，讨论下午的安排。山姆从他们中间闪过，没有人留意到他。他顺着一条蜿蜒的街道立即回家。
到家后，他径直上楼了。他沿着过道走到那扇挂着玩具车牌的门，车牌上写着“山姆”。他在房间里时而胡乱摆弄着笔记本电脑，时而翻阅一本摩托车杂志，时而玩玩海绵篮球。
他坐在床上，把球在房间里抛投着，球打到墙上的一张海报上。海报是他妈妈把家庭照片和文字材料聚拢起来剪贴而成的，是他逐渐远去的童年里仅剩的东西。
海报中央是山姆八岁时填写的一张调查表，他被要求列出自己的三大愿望。第一，他写道，他想要一百万美元。其次，他想要一只狗。在第三行，他胡乱写了三个问号——当时他想不出自己还盼望或需要什么别的东西。如果他现在能有一个愿望被满足，那他会要求让自己长得好看一些。不需要完美，不需要长得像个模特儿。山姆仅仅希望自己的外表看上去正常一点。他希望人们能看到他面孔以外的东西。
他听到楼下传来后门关上的声音。爸爸回家了。山姆走近他的房门。他可以听到爸妈在谈话，他很仔细地听着，却一个词也没有听清。也许爸妈正在谈论他。
因为要参加某所中学的接待日活动，他换上了先前精心挑选出来的衬衣和裤子。八年级的学生都很在乎自己的外表，关心怎样才能在学校里赢得人缘。山姆也不例外。他看音乐电视台，知道当下流行什么，知道大家觉得什么最酷。他知道女孩子喜欢什么。每个人都在谈论着内在美，但山姆知道那只是人们在欺骗自己。也许对于小孩子，或者那些四十多岁的男人女人来说，真有什么内在美。但对于像山姆这样的少年，它是一个谎言。
当山姆到了念中学的年龄，五年级时教他的老师很担心他会被同学嘲笑和误解，便围绕他的生活制作了一组幻灯片。她从山姆家收集了他的一些照片，并叫那些念小学就认识山姆的学生给他写介绍信。然后她在山姆就读的格雷戈里•海特中学，以及那些将把孩子送到格雷戈里•海特中学就读的小学里都各举办了一次集会。学生们看完山姆的照片以后，那个老师念了山姆的同学写的一些信。
“我在玫瑰城公园小学时已经认识山姆很久了，”一个学生写道。“但直到今年才比较了解他。我记得那些无知、可憎的孩子常取笑他……想想看，这些遭遇对他来说多么恐怖啊。我像其他的许多人一样，没有阻止那些孩子。我只是安安静静的，有时也参与到他们的嘲笑中……我很后悔（自己没有为他做任何事）。直到五年级，我才有机会再次和山姆同班。我看到了其他孩子们的巨大进步。也许无知就是我们最大的敌人。我也看到了山姆新的一面，它一直存在在那里，我们只需要仔细一些就可以看见。所以我请求你们，在你们评价山姆或者其他人之前，请记住，一个人真正的美并不表现在外面，而是深藏在心里的。”
集会临结束时，山姆的老师提醒同学们说，虽然山姆看上去和一般人不同，但他是一个正常的男孩。他们不需要成为山姆最好的朋友，但他们不应该害怕他或者嘲笑他。
中学的生活对于山姆来说并不完美。老师们第一眼看见他的时候都吓了一跳。起初当他沿着过道走过去时，他知道很多学生和老师都以为他是特殊学校的孩子。然而不久，学校里的每一个人都仅仅把他看成是山姆了。他们不介意他脸上那个丑陋的肿块，或者至少，他们不会表现出他们的介意。但山姆知道，高中以及高中以后的世界就不一样了。不管人们怎样宽慰他，山姆明白自己正走向一个圈子更大的世界，那里面满是喜欢评头品足、臧否人事的青少年。而他有一项严重的残疾，一张吓人的脸。
他看了看钟，发现就该出发了。他深深吸了一口气，希望自己身上穿着的是合适的衣服。