论文部分内容阅读
景点描述类短文，属于说明性的应用文，要求层次分明，描述有序。
说明文是以介绍、描述为主，应防止平铺直叙、语言乏味、句型单一，要注重多种句型（简单句、并列句、复合句）的交替使用，准确使用描绘性文字；此外，提前策划好描述的顺序和线索非常重要，以避免内容杂乱无章。
介绍“概况”时应以第三人称为主；描述“感受”用第二人称或第一人称较为合适，让读者有“亲临其境”之感，具有一定的煽动性。文体决定时态，说明文介绍说明的往往是“现实存在”，所以应以一般现在时为主。
题目
长白山是中国最大的自然保护区，是众多不同种类的动植物的栖息地。在那里，不仅能欣赏到美丽的天池及周边环绕的16座山峰，还可浸泡在温池中尽情地放松身心。
成因：池水由地下热水和滚烫的岩石加热。
概况：1000平方米内有13个温泉，部分水温60度以上，水温低一些的温泉适合泡浴。
作用：享用温泉食物（如温泉煮鸡蛋）；温泉泡浴，放松心情，有益健康。
根据上述素材，写一篇以Hot Pools At Changbaishan为题的短文。
分析
长白山风景区概述部分作为“背景”放在第一段，不宜多写；短文标题决定了“Hot Pools”是重点，根据表格内的文字提示，温泉的形成原因、概况、作用应是文章的主体。
Hot Pools At Changbaishan
Located in the northeastern part of China， Changbaishan， which is described as a wonderland where varieties of animals and plants live， is the largest nature reserve in China. Not only can we visit the beautiful Tianchi and sixteen mountain peaks surrounding it， but we can relax ourselves in the springs as well.
The hot spring is heated by underground hot water and hot rocks. In one thousand square meters lie thirteen hot springs， some of which reach a temperature of 60 degrees. While the springs of lower temperature are suitable for people to have a bath.
As is widely acknowledged， having a hot spring bath makes us relaxed us after hard work or study and contributes to our health. When bathing in the spring， we may also enjoy such delicious food as the eggs boiled in the hot spring.
There is no doubt that you will have a lot of fun to visit Changbaishan hot pools！
点评
1. 全文层次分明，过渡自然，详略得当，发挥适度，语言流畅，亮点频出；时态使用恰当，描述泡温泉的“感受”时使用第一人称，让读者有亲切感，体现了长白山温泉的吸引力。
2. Not only can we visit the beautiful Tianchi and sixteen mountain peaks surrounding it， but we can relax ourselves in the springs as well.此句中surrounding it（现在分词短语作定语），can we visit（倒装句型）及短语as well的使用展示出较好的语言功底，并列连词词组not only ... but （also） 的使用体现出作者对长句有效把握的能力。
3. In one thousand square meters lie thirteen hot springs， some of which reach a temperature of 60 degrees.句中使用了倒装句型，避免了句子“头重脚轻”，动词lie的应用体现出“温泉的自然存在”，some of which（定语从句）更是一大亮点。
4. As is widely acknowledged（定语从句）， There is no doubt that（同位语从句）等句型的使用非常到位、贴切，既丰富、活跃了全文的句型，又让人觉得“不能不相信泡温泉的好处与乐趣”，进一步强化了“温泉的吸引力”，使文章以亮点结束。
不足之处：
1. Located in the northeastern part of China， Changbaishan， which is described as a wonderland where varieties of animals and plants live， is the largest nature reserve in China. 句中which is（定语从句）的使用不太自然，而且和where引导的定语从句有些重复，最好改为Located in the northeastern part of China， Changbaishan， is the largest nature reserve in China where live varieties of animals and plants.减去一个定语从句，且加上倒装，显得更简约、自然。 2. 段落过多，最后一段是“泡温泉好处”的“总结和升华”，与上一段合并成一段较好。
习作2
Hot Pools at Changbaishan
Changbaishan is the largest Nature Reserve in China. The sixteen mountain peaks contrast finely with the blue sky. In the Nature Reserve live a large variety of animals and plants. How beautiful the place is！ But what appeals to people most are the hot pools in Changbaishan.
The beautiful pools do attract many tourists all over the world. But how did the pool come into being？ They are heated by underground hot water and hot rocks. The area of 1000㎡ contains 13 hot springs. Some of them has a temperature of over 60℃. Some lower ones are suitable for people to bathe in. People can relax themselves while taking a hot spring bath and it is good for their health. What’s more， it is perfect for you to enjoy “hot spring food”， such as eggs boiled in the hot spring.
What fun it is to visit the hot pools. Are there any reasons for us to miss them？ Of course not.
点评
1. 全文安排合理，详略得当，语言较流畅，时态使用处理，过渡自然。
2. In the Nature Reserve live a large variety of animals and plants. 该倒装句用得很好，variety一词体现出景区动植物种类繁多。
3. But what appeals to people most is the hot pools in Changbaishan.句中what从句（主语从句）、短语appeals to应用得恰到好处，连词But的使用不仅表示转折，更多的是通过转折对比来展现the hot pools的吸引力，整句起到过渡句“承上启下”的作用。
4. The beautiful pools do attract many tourists all over the world.此句和上段末句形成呼应，助动词do的使用起到强化全文主题的作用。
5. 文中先后使用了两个自问自答式句子：But how did the pool come into being？ They are heated by underground hot water and hot rocks.和Are there any reasons for us to miss them？ Of course not.不失为一种特色。
不足之处：
1. 全文以简单句为主，并列句、复合句极少，句型较单一，虽然文中没有什么语言错误，但是读起来仍有“平淡无味”之感，自然难以得到高分。把前两句Changbaishan is the largest Nature Reserve in China. The sixteen mountain peaks contrast finely with the blue sky.改为Changbaishan is the largest Nature Reserve in China with sixteen mountain peaks contrasting finely with the blue sky.这样效果和展示的语言功底明显不一样，自然可起到“活跃文句、增加亮点、提高得分”的功效。
2. 描述泡温泉的“感受”时使用第三人称（如they、people等），读起来缺乏“亲临其境”之感，缺乏感染力，不能较好地体现出长白山温泉的吸引力。
【范文】
Hot Fools at Changbaishan
Changbaishan， China’s biggest nature reserve is home to a great diversity of plants and animals. Besides enjoying the beautiful sight of of Tianchi and sixteen mountain peaks surrounding it， you can also relax in the nearby hot springs.
There are 13 pools in an area of 1，000 square meters， which are heated by hot water out of the ground， or heated by boiling rocks in the ground. Some pools are very hot （over 60℃）. If you are hungry， put an egg into the water， and you will have a delicious egg after a few minutes. But others are very pleasant for bathing. You can choose one you like best.
Staying in the pools can not only help you refresh yourself but also be good for health. It’s a great enjoyment to bathe in hot springs admiring the beautiful scenery.
说明文是以介绍、描述为主，应防止平铺直叙、语言乏味、句型单一，要注重多种句型（简单句、并列句、复合句）的交替使用，准确使用描绘性文字；此外，提前策划好描述的顺序和线索非常重要，以避免内容杂乱无章。
介绍“概况”时应以第三人称为主；描述“感受”用第二人称或第一人称较为合适，让读者有“亲临其境”之感，具有一定的煽动性。文体决定时态，说明文介绍说明的往往是“现实存在”，所以应以一般现在时为主。
题目
长白山是中国最大的自然保护区，是众多不同种类的动植物的栖息地。在那里，不仅能欣赏到美丽的天池及周边环绕的16座山峰，还可浸泡在温池中尽情地放松身心。
成因：池水由地下热水和滚烫的岩石加热。
概况：1000平方米内有13个温泉，部分水温60度以上，水温低一些的温泉适合泡浴。
作用：享用温泉食物（如温泉煮鸡蛋）；温泉泡浴，放松心情，有益健康。
根据上述素材，写一篇以Hot Pools At Changbaishan为题的短文。
分析
长白山风景区概述部分作为“背景”放在第一段，不宜多写；短文标题决定了“Hot Pools”是重点，根据表格内的文字提示，温泉的形成原因、概况、作用应是文章的主体。
Hot Pools At Changbaishan
Located in the northeastern part of China， Changbaishan， which is described as a wonderland where varieties of animals and plants live， is the largest nature reserve in China. Not only can we visit the beautiful Tianchi and sixteen mountain peaks surrounding it， but we can relax ourselves in the springs as well.
The hot spring is heated by underground hot water and hot rocks. In one thousand square meters lie thirteen hot springs， some of which reach a temperature of 60 degrees. While the springs of lower temperature are suitable for people to have a bath.
As is widely acknowledged， having a hot spring bath makes us relaxed us after hard work or study and contributes to our health. When bathing in the spring， we may also enjoy such delicious food as the eggs boiled in the hot spring.
There is no doubt that you will have a lot of fun to visit Changbaishan hot pools！
点评
1. 全文层次分明，过渡自然，详略得当，发挥适度，语言流畅，亮点频出；时态使用恰当，描述泡温泉的“感受”时使用第一人称，让读者有亲切感，体现了长白山温泉的吸引力。
2. Not only can we visit the beautiful Tianchi and sixteen mountain peaks surrounding it， but we can relax ourselves in the springs as well.此句中surrounding it（现在分词短语作定语），can we visit（倒装句型）及短语as well的使用展示出较好的语言功底，并列连词词组not only ... but （also） 的使用体现出作者对长句有效把握的能力。
3. In one thousand square meters lie thirteen hot springs， some of which reach a temperature of 60 degrees.句中使用了倒装句型，避免了句子“头重脚轻”，动词lie的应用体现出“温泉的自然存在”，some of which（定语从句）更是一大亮点。
4. As is widely acknowledged（定语从句）， There is no doubt that（同位语从句）等句型的使用非常到位、贴切，既丰富、活跃了全文的句型，又让人觉得“不能不相信泡温泉的好处与乐趣”，进一步强化了“温泉的吸引力”，使文章以亮点结束。
不足之处：
1. Located in the northeastern part of China， Changbaishan， which is described as a wonderland where varieties of animals and plants live， is the largest nature reserve in China. 句中which is（定语从句）的使用不太自然，而且和where引导的定语从句有些重复，最好改为Located in the northeastern part of China， Changbaishan， is the largest nature reserve in China where live varieties of animals and plants.减去一个定语从句，且加上倒装，显得更简约、自然。 2. 段落过多，最后一段是“泡温泉好处”的“总结和升华”，与上一段合并成一段较好。
习作2
Hot Pools at Changbaishan
Changbaishan is the largest Nature Reserve in China. The sixteen mountain peaks contrast finely with the blue sky. In the Nature Reserve live a large variety of animals and plants. How beautiful the place is！ But what appeals to people most are the hot pools in Changbaishan.
The beautiful pools do attract many tourists all over the world. But how did the pool come into being？ They are heated by underground hot water and hot rocks. The area of 1000㎡ contains 13 hot springs. Some of them has a temperature of over 60℃. Some lower ones are suitable for people to bathe in. People can relax themselves while taking a hot spring bath and it is good for their health. What’s more， it is perfect for you to enjoy “hot spring food”， such as eggs boiled in the hot spring.
What fun it is to visit the hot pools. Are there any reasons for us to miss them？ Of course not.
点评
1. 全文安排合理，详略得当，语言较流畅，时态使用处理，过渡自然。
2. In the Nature Reserve live a large variety of animals and plants. 该倒装句用得很好，variety一词体现出景区动植物种类繁多。
3. But what appeals to people most is the hot pools in Changbaishan.句中what从句（主语从句）、短语appeals to应用得恰到好处，连词But的使用不仅表示转折，更多的是通过转折对比来展现the hot pools的吸引力，整句起到过渡句“承上启下”的作用。
4. The beautiful pools do attract many tourists all over the world.此句和上段末句形成呼应，助动词do的使用起到强化全文主题的作用。
5. 文中先后使用了两个自问自答式句子：But how did the pool come into being？ They are heated by underground hot water and hot rocks.和Are there any reasons for us to miss them？ Of course not.不失为一种特色。
不足之处：
1. 全文以简单句为主，并列句、复合句极少，句型较单一，虽然文中没有什么语言错误，但是读起来仍有“平淡无味”之感，自然难以得到高分。把前两句Changbaishan is the largest Nature Reserve in China. The sixteen mountain peaks contrast finely with the blue sky.改为Changbaishan is the largest Nature Reserve in China with sixteen mountain peaks contrasting finely with the blue sky.这样效果和展示的语言功底明显不一样，自然可起到“活跃文句、增加亮点、提高得分”的功效。
2. 描述泡温泉的“感受”时使用第三人称（如they、people等），读起来缺乏“亲临其境”之感，缺乏感染力，不能较好地体现出长白山温泉的吸引力。
【范文】
Hot Fools at Changbaishan
Changbaishan， China’s biggest nature reserve is home to a great diversity of plants and animals. Besides enjoying the beautiful sight of of Tianchi and sixteen mountain peaks surrounding it， you can also relax in the nearby hot springs.
There are 13 pools in an area of 1，000 square meters， which are heated by hot water out of the ground， or heated by boiling rocks in the ground. Some pools are very hot （over 60℃）. If you are hungry， put an egg into the water， and you will have a delicious egg after a few minutes. But others are very pleasant for bathing. You can choose one you like best.
Staying in the pools can not only help you refresh yourself but also be good for health. It’s a great enjoyment to bathe in hot springs admiring the beautiful scenery.