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At five feet， three inches tall and wellunder a hundred pounds， I boked at myse if in the mirro rand thought，“How did l get to be such a pig？”
When I sta rted college the stress began to take its tolI and I started overeating. By the beginning of my sophomore year， lweighed in at 150 pounds. I couldn't be lieve my eyes when I stepped on the sca le at the doctor's office for my yearlt checkup. I had gained forty-five. pounds in one year.
I was so depressed. I was back home for the ho lidays. B etw een the horror in my mother's eyes upon seeng me. the horror in my own eyes when I saw the num bers on the scab. and becom ing the butt （oloV ious pun intended）of alI my brothers'jokes， I did what any normal， red bboded， Am erican girl woubl do： I pigged out for the ho lidays.
I went back to schoo I armed with every diet book known to man from my well-meaning mother and a handful of recipes （as if l was going to cook）. I coldH hand le this. Takng off weight was never a problem for me in the past. What I didn't rea lize was that in the past lonly needed to bse five or ten pounds at the most. lw as now boking at trying to take off forty！ When it didn't come off as quickly as thought it would. lbecame even more desperate.
I was hungry alI the time， frustrated at my lack of success and facing summer-shorts and bathing suit season？ l don't think so ！
My dorm mate conv inced me that if I just purged for one meala day l would see a huge difference.
She was right in one regard. The dizziness l was experiencing from the bck of food was beginning to take its to Il I needed to pull down really good grades if l was going to get in to a good medica lschool.
Purging one meal became purging two， sometim es more. The. we ight was dropping off. I was so excited and encouraged by seeng my waist again. I joined a gym and began to work out three days a week. Betw een studyng untilallhours of the moming， running my body ragged on a treadm ill and bingeing and purging， I had become a full-b bwn bulim ic. But I couldn't even adm it it to myse F. l was in denial
When l went home fora few weeks in the summer. My mother， however， didn't like what she saw. She was worried about the. dark circles undermy eyes and the palbrof my skn. PlUs， my natura lly calm easygo ing persona lity had given way to a cranky， argum entative nightm are of a person. I expbded when she questionedm e about it.“What more do you want from me？ lgot straight at this term. lost all the weight that you were bugging me about， and I had to do it all living aw ay from home！” My screaming fit gave way to tears and l broke down. I assured my mother everything woubl be all right and l went back to school lconvinced my self that I coubl hand le this problem ， but in truth， I couldn't. I would abstain from my purging behav ior for only a few days. Because thadn't changed my eating habits-in fact they were worse-my weight would begin to go up again. Suddenly， I stopped having periods. My body was screaming at me and wasn't getting the message. l was taking anato my and biobgy classes baming everything about the body， except how to take care of my own. One day lpassed out in my dorm room while just sitting down studying. That was it. I boked at myself in the mirror and the warped pant of me， the part that was respons ible for this behav ior， saw a girlwho needed to bve more weight. But some wisdom forced its way thmugh and l knew lneeded heb.
I ran oVer to the counse ling offiCe and grabbed the phone num ber for the eating disorder hot line.EVen thoUgh l fet like a grow-up With all theSe neW reSponS ib ilities and being aW ay at colege.thiS WaS my frst realadUt aCt.
A fter be.ng.n a groUp for three months.1 w as changing my behaVior.1 foUnd my Way oUt ofthe darkneSS With peopb Who Cared and profeSS iona ls Who Were trained.1 leamed SO many thingS from thiS experiencCe-it'S okay to be scared and you don't haVe to be abne or do it abne.
我看着镜中的自己，5.25英尺高（合1.6米），体重不足100磅（约合90斤），难以想象自己曾经胖得像头猪。
刚上大学那会，压力愈来愈大，于是我开始暴饮暴食。大二初，我已经有150磅了！当我在医生办公室进行年度体检时，站上体重秤那一刻，我简直不敢相信我的眼睛，我居然在短短一年间体重增加了45磅！
假期我带着沮丧的心情回家。在我妈看到我一瞬间那惊恐的眼神中，以及当我看到体重秤上的数字时惊恐的表情中，我变成了所有弟弟的笑柄，我做了所有正常、热血的美国妞都会做的事：在狂吃中度过了假期。
我带着妈咪好心给我准备的所有食谱以及一些菜谱（好像我会自己做饭一样）回学校了。嗯，我可以搞定的。以前减肥对我来说是小菜一碟。但我没意识到，过去我最多只需减掉5～10磅，现在我却是要努力减掉40磅，简直是天方夜谭！当体重没有如我所想那般快速下降时，我更绝望了。我总是处于饥饿中，对成功减肥感到沮丧，但是想到即将到来的夏天 这个属于短裤和泳装的季节，不！我一定要瘦下来！
我室友说如果我每天少吃一餐将会大有不同，从某个方面来说她是对的，但是从那以后我就常常因为缺食而变得头晕眼花，而且情况愈演愈烈，但是我又担心过度虚弱会拖垮好成绩从而不能考上好的医科大学。
少食一餐变成了少食候更多。体重直线下降。看到我的腰时简直太兴奋健身房然后每周去锻炼三上上课的时间我几乎都在跑步机上摇摇晃晃地跑步，或者在狂欢，或者在节食，我完全成了一名易饥者，我只是不愿承认我在逃避现实。
夏天我回家待了几个星期，然而，我妈妈不喜欢她所见到的一切.她担心我眼睛周围的黑眼圈以及我苍白的皮肤。还有，我天生平静、随和的脾气变得古怪，好争论，这是一个人的噩梦。当她问我这个的时候，我爆发了：“你到底还想怎样？这个学期—开始我就按你的要求减掉了体重.而且离开家也一直是这样做的！”我的眼泪渐渐取代了咆哮，然后我崩溃了。
我向妈妈保证一切都会变好的，然后我回到学校了。我不断告诉自己我可以搞定这个问题，但事实上，我无法摆脱。我只能坚持放弃节食这个行为几天而已。因为我并没有改变我的饮食习惯一其实这习惯后来变得更糟了一而且我的体重又会增加的。
突然，我的例假停了。我的身体吃不消了，可是我没注意到这个信息。我选修了解剖课和生物课，以了解关于身体的一切，却忘了关注自己的身体问题。有一天，当我坐着学习时突然间晕倒在宿舍。事情就是这样，我看着镜子中的自己以及那个反常自应该为这个行为负责的那部分自总是认为应该减更多体重。但是迫使我做出这些事情时，我知道的需要帮助。
我冲向咨询室，抓起电话拨关于饮食不规律的咨询热线电话管我一直觉得自己像一个成年人自在校承担着新的责任，这却是第一次真正意义上的成人行为。
在一个团队里待了三个月后，我逐渐改变了我的饮食不规律行为。在关心我的人们和经过专业培训的人士的帮助下，我从黑暗中解脱出来了。从这次经历中我学会了很多一害怕是正常的，可是你不必独行或独自面对。
When I sta rted college the stress began to take its tolI and I started overeating. By the beginning of my sophomore year， lweighed in at 150 pounds. I couldn't be lieve my eyes when I stepped on the sca le at the doctor's office for my yearlt checkup. I had gained forty-five. pounds in one year.
I was so depressed. I was back home for the ho lidays. B etw een the horror in my mother's eyes upon seeng me. the horror in my own eyes when I saw the num bers on the scab. and becom ing the butt （oloV ious pun intended）of alI my brothers'jokes， I did what any normal， red bboded， Am erican girl woubl do： I pigged out for the ho lidays.
I went back to schoo I armed with every diet book known to man from my well-meaning mother and a handful of recipes （as if l was going to cook）. I coldH hand le this. Takng off weight was never a problem for me in the past. What I didn't rea lize was that in the past lonly needed to bse five or ten pounds at the most. lw as now boking at trying to take off forty！ When it didn't come off as quickly as thought it would. lbecame even more desperate.
I was hungry alI the time， frustrated at my lack of success and facing summer-shorts and bathing suit season？ l don't think so ！
My dorm mate conv inced me that if I just purged for one meala day l would see a huge difference.
She was right in one regard. The dizziness l was experiencing from the bck of food was beginning to take its to Il I needed to pull down really good grades if l was going to get in to a good medica lschool.
Purging one meal became purging two， sometim es more. The. we ight was dropping off. I was so excited and encouraged by seeng my waist again. I joined a gym and began to work out three days a week. Betw een studyng untilallhours of the moming， running my body ragged on a treadm ill and bingeing and purging， I had become a full-b bwn bulim ic. But I couldn't even adm it it to myse F. l was in denial
When l went home fora few weeks in the summer. My mother， however， didn't like what she saw. She was worried about the. dark circles undermy eyes and the palbrof my skn. PlUs， my natura lly calm easygo ing persona lity had given way to a cranky， argum entative nightm are of a person. I expbded when she questionedm e about it.“What more do you want from me？ lgot straight at this term. lost all the weight that you were bugging me about， and I had to do it all living aw ay from home！” My screaming fit gave way to tears and l broke down. I assured my mother everything woubl be all right and l went back to school lconvinced my self that I coubl hand le this problem ， but in truth， I couldn't. I would abstain from my purging behav ior for only a few days. Because thadn't changed my eating habits-in fact they were worse-my weight would begin to go up again. Suddenly， I stopped having periods. My body was screaming at me and wasn't getting the message. l was taking anato my and biobgy classes baming everything about the body， except how to take care of my own. One day lpassed out in my dorm room while just sitting down studying. That was it. I boked at myself in the mirror and the warped pant of me， the part that was respons ible for this behav ior， saw a girlwho needed to bve more weight. But some wisdom forced its way thmugh and l knew lneeded heb.
I ran oVer to the counse ling offiCe and grabbed the phone num ber for the eating disorder hot line.EVen thoUgh l fet like a grow-up With all theSe neW reSponS ib ilities and being aW ay at colege.thiS WaS my frst realadUt aCt.
A fter be.ng.n a groUp for three months.1 w as changing my behaVior.1 foUnd my Way oUt ofthe darkneSS With peopb Who Cared and profeSS iona ls Who Were trained.1 leamed SO many thingS from thiS experiencCe-it'S okay to be scared and you don't haVe to be abne or do it abne.
我看着镜中的自己，5.25英尺高（合1.6米），体重不足100磅（约合90斤），难以想象自己曾经胖得像头猪。
刚上大学那会，压力愈来愈大，于是我开始暴饮暴食。大二初，我已经有150磅了！当我在医生办公室进行年度体检时，站上体重秤那一刻，我简直不敢相信我的眼睛，我居然在短短一年间体重增加了45磅！
假期我带着沮丧的心情回家。在我妈看到我一瞬间那惊恐的眼神中，以及当我看到体重秤上的数字时惊恐的表情中，我变成了所有弟弟的笑柄，我做了所有正常、热血的美国妞都会做的事：在狂吃中度过了假期。
我带着妈咪好心给我准备的所有食谱以及一些菜谱（好像我会自己做饭一样）回学校了。嗯，我可以搞定的。以前减肥对我来说是小菜一碟。但我没意识到，过去我最多只需减掉5～10磅，现在我却是要努力减掉40磅，简直是天方夜谭！当体重没有如我所想那般快速下降时，我更绝望了。我总是处于饥饿中，对成功减肥感到沮丧，但是想到即将到来的夏天 这个属于短裤和泳装的季节，不！我一定要瘦下来！
我室友说如果我每天少吃一餐将会大有不同，从某个方面来说她是对的，但是从那以后我就常常因为缺食而变得头晕眼花，而且情况愈演愈烈，但是我又担心过度虚弱会拖垮好成绩从而不能考上好的医科大学。
少食一餐变成了少食候更多。体重直线下降。看到我的腰时简直太兴奋健身房然后每周去锻炼三上上课的时间我几乎都在跑步机上摇摇晃晃地跑步，或者在狂欢，或者在节食，我完全成了一名易饥者，我只是不愿承认我在逃避现实。
夏天我回家待了几个星期，然而，我妈妈不喜欢她所见到的一切.她担心我眼睛周围的黑眼圈以及我苍白的皮肤。还有，我天生平静、随和的脾气变得古怪，好争论，这是一个人的噩梦。当她问我这个的时候，我爆发了：“你到底还想怎样？这个学期—开始我就按你的要求减掉了体重.而且离开家也一直是这样做的！”我的眼泪渐渐取代了咆哮，然后我崩溃了。
我向妈妈保证一切都会变好的，然后我回到学校了。我不断告诉自己我可以搞定这个问题，但事实上，我无法摆脱。我只能坚持放弃节食这个行为几天而已。因为我并没有改变我的饮食习惯一其实这习惯后来变得更糟了一而且我的体重又会增加的。
突然，我的例假停了。我的身体吃不消了，可是我没注意到这个信息。我选修了解剖课和生物课，以了解关于身体的一切，却忘了关注自己的身体问题。有一天，当我坐着学习时突然间晕倒在宿舍。事情就是这样，我看着镜子中的自己以及那个反常自应该为这个行为负责的那部分自总是认为应该减更多体重。但是迫使我做出这些事情时，我知道的需要帮助。
我冲向咨询室，抓起电话拨关于饮食不规律的咨询热线电话管我一直觉得自己像一个成年人自在校承担着新的责任，这却是第一次真正意义上的成人行为。
在一个团队里待了三个月后，我逐渐改变了我的饮食不规律行为。在关心我的人们和经过专业培训的人士的帮助下，我从黑暗中解脱出来了。从这次经历中我学会了很多一害怕是正常的，可是你不必独行或独自面对。