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My New Year’s resolutions
尹卓远
Resolutions are promises to yourself. They may help to make you a better person and to make your life easier. I am going to make four New Year’s resolutions.
The first resolution is about losing weight. I’m going to get lots of exercise. The second resolution is about studying hard. I’m going to get good grades. The third resolution is about sports. I’m going to make the basketball team. The last resolution is about health. I’m going to eat healthier food.
In a word, doing speaks louder than saying. So I will try my best to keep them.
刘巧云老师点评:本文小作者采用三段式总分总结构表述了自己的新年决心,结构清晰,无语法错误,且含情感目标。首段简要陈述了什么是决心(resolution)以及决心的作用,并说明自己新年有四个决心要做的事(承上启下)。接下来第二段就具体呈现了自己的四个新年计划,用到了序数词the first,the second等,条理清晰自然,但从这4条决心来看,其实可以更好地予以归类来陈述,如可以归类成2类:Ideal for improving physical health;Ideal for doing better at school,使文章更精炼。最后一段渗透了德育,小作者加入了谚语,起到了点睛的作用,但“In a word”放在这里,值得商榷。
范文:
Resolutions are promise to yourself. They may help to make you a better person and to make your life easier. I am going to make two New Year’s resolutions.
The first resolution is about improving my physical health. To lose weight, I’m going to get lots of exercise and eat healthier food. What’s more, I’m going to make the basketball team. The second resolution is about how to do better at school. I’m going to study hard and follow the teacher so that I can get good grades.
As we all know, doing speaks louder than saying. So I will try my best to keep my resolutions, which are also my promises.
My classroom
劉雨舟
My classroom is very good. Because my classroom is cool on summer. I like my desk and chair very much. Because they help me a lot. I have many good sentences on my desk. For example, “No rules no games.” When I was tired, I’m thinking these sentences. They talked me that I can’t fall asleep. Because I must study hard. Now, I have to leave here. I will remember my desk and my chair. Because they are my friends.
Bob老师点评:这篇文章学生描述了喜欢教室的什么以及离开教室的感受,思路基本清晰,作为考场作文,基本上达到了要求。但缺乏对教室的整体描述,要是有从整体到细节的描述就更好。另外要避免谓语动词、连词、介词等的常见错误(斜体部分)。
范文:
There are forty desks in my classroom. In every desk there are many books. On the wall there are educational pictures. The floor is very clean. There is a TV set in the front of the classroom.What is different from others is our class’ motto: Study hard, play hard. Enjoy study, enjoy life. I like the motto best, because it makes us know how to live a happy and efficient life. Saying goodbye to the classroom is the wonderful beginning of a new life. At this point I will say: Enjoy saying goodbye, enjoy new life.
尹卓远
Resolutions are promises to yourself. They may help to make you a better person and to make your life easier. I am going to make four New Year’s resolutions.
The first resolution is about losing weight. I’m going to get lots of exercise. The second resolution is about studying hard. I’m going to get good grades. The third resolution is about sports. I’m going to make the basketball team. The last resolution is about health. I’m going to eat healthier food.
In a word, doing speaks louder than saying. So I will try my best to keep them.
刘巧云老师点评:本文小作者采用三段式总分总结构表述了自己的新年决心,结构清晰,无语法错误,且含情感目标。首段简要陈述了什么是决心(resolution)以及决心的作用,并说明自己新年有四个决心要做的事(承上启下)。接下来第二段就具体呈现了自己的四个新年计划,用到了序数词the first,the second等,条理清晰自然,但从这4条决心来看,其实可以更好地予以归类来陈述,如可以归类成2类:Ideal for improving physical health;Ideal for doing better at school,使文章更精炼。最后一段渗透了德育,小作者加入了谚语,起到了点睛的作用,但“In a word”放在这里,值得商榷。
范文:
Resolutions are promise to yourself. They may help to make you a better person and to make your life easier. I am going to make two New Year’s resolutions.
The first resolution is about improving my physical health. To lose weight, I’m going to get lots of exercise and eat healthier food. What’s more, I’m going to make the basketball team. The second resolution is about how to do better at school. I’m going to study hard and follow the teacher so that I can get good grades.
As we all know, doing speaks louder than saying. So I will try my best to keep my resolutions, which are also my promises.
My classroom
劉雨舟
My classroom is very good. Because my classroom is cool on summer. I like my desk and chair very much. Because they help me a lot. I have many good sentences on my desk. For example, “No rules no games.” When I was tired, I’m thinking these sentences. They talked me that I can’t fall asleep. Because I must study hard. Now, I have to leave here. I will remember my desk and my chair. Because they are my friends.
Bob老师点评:这篇文章学生描述了喜欢教室的什么以及离开教室的感受,思路基本清晰,作为考场作文,基本上达到了要求。但缺乏对教室的整体描述,要是有从整体到细节的描述就更好。另外要避免谓语动词、连词、介词等的常见错误(斜体部分)。
范文:
There are forty desks in my classroom. In every desk there are many books. On the wall there are educational pictures. The floor is very clean. There is a TV set in the front of the classroom.What is different from others is our class’ motto: Study hard, play hard. Enjoy study, enjoy life. I like the motto best, because it makes us know how to live a happy and efficient life. Saying goodbye to the classroom is the wonderful beginning of a new life. At this point I will say: Enjoy saying goodbye, enjoy new life.