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Thank you， Marie. And thank you esteemed members of the faculty， proud parents， devoted friends， squirming siblings.2
Congratulations to all of you…and especially to the magnificent Berkeley graduating class of 2016！
It is a privilege to be here at Be rkeley， which has produced so many Nobel Prize winners， Turing Award winners， astronauts， members of Congress，3 Olympic gold medalists…and that’s just the women！
Berkeley has always been ahead of the times. In the 1960s， you led the Free Speech Movement4. Early on， Berkeley opened its doors to the entire population.
One of the women who came here in search of opportunity was Rosalind Nuss. She was pulled out of high school by her parents to help support their family. One of her teachers insisted that her parents put her back into school—and in 1937， she sat where you are sitting today and received a Berkeley degree. Roz was my grandmother. She was a huge inspiration to me and I’m so grateful that Berkeley recognized her potential.
Today is a day of celebration. A day to celebrate all the hard work that got you to this moment.
Today is a day of thanks. A day to thank those who helped you get here.
Today is a day of reflection5. Because today marks the end of one era of your life and the beginning of something new.
Today will be a bit different. We will still do the caps6 and you still have to do the photos. Today I will try to tell you what I learned in death.
I have never spoken publicly about this before. It’s hard. One year and 13 days ago， I lost my husband， Dave. His death was sudden and unexpected. His death changed me in very profound7 ways. I learned about the depths of sadness and the brutality8 of loss. And I also learned that when life sucks you under， you can kick against the bottom， break the surface， and breathe again.9
I’m sharing this with you in the hopes that today， as you take the next step in your life， you can learn the lessons that I only learned in death.
Everyone who has made it through Cal has already experienced some disappointment. You wanted an A but you got a B. OK， let’s be honest—you got an A—but you’re still mad. You applied for an internship at Facebook， but you only got one from Google. She was the love of your life… but then she swiped left.10
The easy days ahead of you will be easy. It is the hard days—the times that challenge you to your very core—that will determine who you are. You will be defined not just by what you achieve， but by how you survive. I’m pleased to tell you that after spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks， psychologist Martin Seligman found that there are three P’s—personalization， pervasiveness， and permanence—that are critical to how we bounce back from hardship.11
The first P is personalization—the belief that we are at fault12. This is different from taking responsibility， which you should always do. This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us.13
When Dave died， I had a very common reaction， which was to blame myself. He died in seconds from a cardiac arrhythmia14. I poured over his medical records asking what I could have—or should have—done. It wasn’t until I learned about the three P’s that I accepted that I could not have prevented his death.
The second P is pervasiveness—the belief that an event will affect all areas of your life. There’s no place to run or hide from the all-consuming15 sadness.
My psychologists encouraged me to get my kids back to their routine as soon as possible. So 10 days after Dave died， they went back to school and I went back to work. I remember sitting in my first Facebook meeting， I got drawn into a discussion and for a second—a brief split second16—I forgot about death.
The third P is permanence—the belief that the sorrow will last forever. For months， no matter what I did， it felt like the crushing17 grief would always be there.
We feel anxious—and then we feel anxious that we’re anxious. We feel sad—and then we feel sad that we’re sad. Instead， we should accept our feelings—but recognize that they will not last forever.
None of you need me to explain the fourth P…which is， of course， pizza from Cheese Board18.
Finding gratitude and appreciation is key to resilience.19 People who take the time to list things they are grateful for are happier and healthier. It turns out that counting your blessings can actually increase your blessings.20 My New Year’s resolution21 this year is to write down three moments of joy before I go to bed each night. This simple practice has changed my life. Last month， 11 days before the anniversary of Dave’s death， I broke down crying to a friend of mine. I said： “Eleven days. One year ago， he had 11 days left. And we had no idea.” We looked at each other through tears， and asked how we would live if we knew we had 11 days left.
As you graduate， can you ask yourselves to live as if you had 11 days left？ I don’t mean blow everything off22 and party all the time—although tonight is an exception. I mean live with the understanding of how precious every single day would be. How precious every day actually is. It is the greatest irony of my life that losing my husband helped me find deeper gratitude—gratitude for the kindness of my friends， the love of my family， the laughter of my children.23 My hope for you is that you can find that gratitude—not just on the good days， like today， but on the hard ones， when you will really need it.
There are so many moments of joy ahead of you. That trip you always wanted to take. A first kiss with someone you really like. The day you get a job doing something you truly believe in. Beating Stanford. （Go Bears！24） All of these things will happen to you. Enjoy each and every one.
Class of 2016， as you leave Berkeley， build resilience.
You have the whole world in front of you. I can’t wait to see what you do with it.
Congratulations， and Go Bears！
1. UC Berkeley： 加州大学伯克利分校（University of California， Berkeley），简称伯克利（Cal），位于美国旧金山湾区伯克利市，是世界著名公立研究型大学。迄今伯克利共走出了73位诺贝尔奖得主、13位菲尔兹奖得主和22位图灵奖得主。
2. esteemed： 受人尊敬的；faculty： 全体教员；squirming： 扭动的，局促不安的；sibling： 兄弟姐妹。
3. privilege：（个人的）恩典，殊荣；Turing驱、英国科学家艾伦·麦席森·图灵，由美国计算机协会于1966年设立，专门奖励对计算机事业做出重要贡献的个人，是计算机界最负盛名、最崇高的一个奖项，有“计算机界的诺贝尔奖”之称；astronaut： 宇航员；Congress： 国会。
4. Free Speech Movement： 自由言论运动，20世纪60年代兴起于美国加州大学的学生运动。
5. reflection： 沉思，回顾。
6. do the caps： 扔帽子，毕业礼结束时，学生会开心忘形地把学士帽抛向半空。
7. profound： 深刻的，意义深远的。
8. brutality： 残忍。
9. 我也明白了，当生活将你吞没，你能做的就是触底反弹，奋力游出水面再次呼吸。suck： 使卷入，吞没。
10. 你全心全意地爱着她，她却不喜欢你。swipe left：左滑。一些交友软件会通过左右滑动来表示喜欢或不喜欢。这里指不喜欢。
11. setback： 挫折，倒退；psychologist： 心理学家；Martin Seligman： 马丁·塞利格曼（1942— ），美国心理学家，获美国应用与预防心理学会终身成就奖，1998年当选为美国心理学会主席；personalization： 人格化，个性化；pervasiveness： 遍布，到处弥漫；permanence： 永久，持久；critical： 至关重要的；bounce back： 弹回，跳回。
12. at fault： 有责任，有过失。
13. 这个教训就是，所有发生在我们身上的事并非都是因我们而起。
14. cardiac arrhythmia： 心律失常。
15. all-consuming： 吞噬一切的。
16. split second： 一瞬間。
17. crushing： 压倒性的。
18. Cheese Board： Cheese Board Pizza是位于伯克利的一家有名的披萨店，以每天只提供一种口味的披萨来保证最时令最新鲜而闻名。
19. gratitude： 感激之情；resilience：复原能力。
20. 常常历数自己拥有的幸运真的能积攒福德。blessing： 幸运，恩惠。
21. resolution： 决心。
22. blow off： 撒手不管，逃避。
23. 这真是我此生最大的讽刺，失去丈夫反而帮我获得了更深的感恩之心——感谢朋友们的好意，感谢家人的爱，感谢孩子们的欢笑。irony： 具有讽刺意味的事，出乎意料的事。
24. Go Bears： 加油金熊队！Bears指California Golden Bears（金熊队），成立于1907年，是太平洋十联盟（Pacific-10）的成员，代表加州大学伯克利分校参加国家大学体育协会（NCAA）第一级别的众多体育赛事。
Congratulations to all of you…and especially to the magnificent Berkeley graduating class of 2016！
It is a privilege to be here at Be rkeley， which has produced so many Nobel Prize winners， Turing Award winners， astronauts， members of Congress，3 Olympic gold medalists…and that’s just the women！
Berkeley has always been ahead of the times. In the 1960s， you led the Free Speech Movement4. Early on， Berkeley opened its doors to the entire population.
One of the women who came here in search of opportunity was Rosalind Nuss. She was pulled out of high school by her parents to help support their family. One of her teachers insisted that her parents put her back into school—and in 1937， she sat where you are sitting today and received a Berkeley degree. Roz was my grandmother. She was a huge inspiration to me and I’m so grateful that Berkeley recognized her potential.
Today is a day of celebration. A day to celebrate all the hard work that got you to this moment.
Today is a day of thanks. A day to thank those who helped you get here.
Today is a day of reflection5. Because today marks the end of one era of your life and the beginning of something new.
Today will be a bit different. We will still do the caps6 and you still have to do the photos. Today I will try to tell you what I learned in death.
I have never spoken publicly about this before. It’s hard. One year and 13 days ago， I lost my husband， Dave. His death was sudden and unexpected. His death changed me in very profound7 ways. I learned about the depths of sadness and the brutality8 of loss. And I also learned that when life sucks you under， you can kick against the bottom， break the surface， and breathe again.9
I’m sharing this with you in the hopes that today， as you take the next step in your life， you can learn the lessons that I only learned in death.
Everyone who has made it through Cal has already experienced some disappointment. You wanted an A but you got a B. OK， let’s be honest—you got an A—but you’re still mad. You applied for an internship at Facebook， but you only got one from Google. She was the love of your life… but then she swiped left.10
The easy days ahead of you will be easy. It is the hard days—the times that challenge you to your very core—that will determine who you are. You will be defined not just by what you achieve， but by how you survive. I’m pleased to tell you that after spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks， psychologist Martin Seligman found that there are three P’s—personalization， pervasiveness， and permanence—that are critical to how we bounce back from hardship.11
The first P is personalization—the belief that we are at fault12. This is different from taking responsibility， which you should always do. This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us.13
When Dave died， I had a very common reaction， which was to blame myself. He died in seconds from a cardiac arrhythmia14. I poured over his medical records asking what I could have—or should have—done. It wasn’t until I learned about the three P’s that I accepted that I could not have prevented his death.
The second P is pervasiveness—the belief that an event will affect all areas of your life. There’s no place to run or hide from the all-consuming15 sadness.
My psychologists encouraged me to get my kids back to their routine as soon as possible. So 10 days after Dave died， they went back to school and I went back to work. I remember sitting in my first Facebook meeting， I got drawn into a discussion and for a second—a brief split second16—I forgot about death.
The third P is permanence—the belief that the sorrow will last forever. For months， no matter what I did， it felt like the crushing17 grief would always be there.
We feel anxious—and then we feel anxious that we’re anxious. We feel sad—and then we feel sad that we’re sad. Instead， we should accept our feelings—but recognize that they will not last forever.
None of you need me to explain the fourth P…which is， of course， pizza from Cheese Board18.
Finding gratitude and appreciation is key to resilience.19 People who take the time to list things they are grateful for are happier and healthier. It turns out that counting your blessings can actually increase your blessings.20 My New Year’s resolution21 this year is to write down three moments of joy before I go to bed each night. This simple practice has changed my life. Last month， 11 days before the anniversary of Dave’s death， I broke down crying to a friend of mine. I said： “Eleven days. One year ago， he had 11 days left. And we had no idea.” We looked at each other through tears， and asked how we would live if we knew we had 11 days left.
As you graduate， can you ask yourselves to live as if you had 11 days left？ I don’t mean blow everything off22 and party all the time—although tonight is an exception. I mean live with the understanding of how precious every single day would be. How precious every day actually is. It is the greatest irony of my life that losing my husband helped me find deeper gratitude—gratitude for the kindness of my friends， the love of my family， the laughter of my children.23 My hope for you is that you can find that gratitude—not just on the good days， like today， but on the hard ones， when you will really need it.
There are so many moments of joy ahead of you. That trip you always wanted to take. A first kiss with someone you really like. The day you get a job doing something you truly believe in. Beating Stanford. （Go Bears！24） All of these things will happen to you. Enjoy each and every one.
Class of 2016， as you leave Berkeley， build resilience.
You have the whole world in front of you. I can’t wait to see what you do with it.
Congratulations， and Go Bears！
1. UC Berkeley： 加州大学伯克利分校（University of California， Berkeley），简称伯克利（Cal），位于美国旧金山湾区伯克利市，是世界著名公立研究型大学。迄今伯克利共走出了73位诺贝尔奖得主、13位菲尔兹奖得主和22位图灵奖得主。
2. esteemed： 受人尊敬的；faculty： 全体教员；squirming： 扭动的，局促不安的；sibling： 兄弟姐妹。
3. privilege：（个人的）恩典，殊荣；Turing驱、英国科学家艾伦·麦席森·图灵，由美国计算机协会于1966年设立，专门奖励对计算机事业做出重要贡献的个人，是计算机界最负盛名、最崇高的一个奖项，有“计算机界的诺贝尔奖”之称；astronaut： 宇航员；Congress： 国会。
4. Free Speech Movement： 自由言论运动，20世纪60年代兴起于美国加州大学的学生运动。
5. reflection： 沉思，回顾。
6. do the caps： 扔帽子，毕业礼结束时，学生会开心忘形地把学士帽抛向半空。
7. profound： 深刻的，意义深远的。
8. brutality： 残忍。
9. 我也明白了，当生活将你吞没，你能做的就是触底反弹，奋力游出水面再次呼吸。suck： 使卷入，吞没。
10. 你全心全意地爱着她，她却不喜欢你。swipe left：左滑。一些交友软件会通过左右滑动来表示喜欢或不喜欢。这里指不喜欢。
11. setback： 挫折，倒退；psychologist： 心理学家；Martin Seligman： 马丁·塞利格曼（1942— ），美国心理学家，获美国应用与预防心理学会终身成就奖，1998年当选为美国心理学会主席；personalization： 人格化，个性化；pervasiveness： 遍布，到处弥漫；permanence： 永久，持久；critical： 至关重要的；bounce back： 弹回，跳回。
12. at fault： 有责任，有过失。
13. 这个教训就是，所有发生在我们身上的事并非都是因我们而起。
14. cardiac arrhythmia： 心律失常。
15. all-consuming： 吞噬一切的。
16. split second： 一瞬間。
17. crushing： 压倒性的。
18. Cheese Board： Cheese Board Pizza是位于伯克利的一家有名的披萨店，以每天只提供一种口味的披萨来保证最时令最新鲜而闻名。
19. gratitude： 感激之情；resilience：复原能力。
20. 常常历数自己拥有的幸运真的能积攒福德。blessing： 幸运，恩惠。
21. resolution： 决心。
22. blow off： 撒手不管，逃避。
23. 这真是我此生最大的讽刺，失去丈夫反而帮我获得了更深的感恩之心——感谢朋友们的好意，感谢家人的爱，感谢孩子们的欢笑。irony： 具有讽刺意味的事，出乎意料的事。
24. Go Bears： 加油金熊队！Bears指California Golden Bears（金熊队），成立于1907年，是太平洋十联盟（Pacific-10）的成员，代表加州大学伯克利分校参加国家大学体育协会（NCAA）第一级别的众多体育赛事。