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One day I went to a lawyer friend for advice. “I’m in real trouble,” I said. “My neighbors across the road are going on vacation for a month and instead of boarding their dogs they are going to keep them locked up and a woman is coming to feed them, if she doesn’t forget. Meanwhile they’ll be lonely and bark all day and howl all night, and I won’t be able to sleep and I’ll either have to call the 2)SPCA to haul them away or I’ll 3)go berserk and go over there and shoot them and then when my neighbors return they’ll go berserk and come over and shoot me...”
My lawyer patted back a delicate 4)yawn. “Let me tell you a story,” he said. “And don’t stop me if you’ve heard it—because it will do you good to hear it again.”
“A fellow was speeding down a country road late at night and BANG! Went a tire. He got out and looked and—5)drat it—he had no jack. Then he said to himself, ‘Well, I’ll just walk to the nearest farmhouse and borrow a jack!’ He saw a light in the distance and said, ‘Well, I’m in luck; the farmer’s up. I’ll just knock on the door and say I’m in trouble, would you please lend me a jack? And he’ll say, why sure, 6)neighbor, help yourself—but bring it back.’
“He walked on a little farther and the light went out so he said to himself, ‘Now he’s gone to bed and he’ll be annoyed because I’m bothering him—so he’ll probably want some money for his jack. And I’ll say, all right, it isn’t very neighborly—but I’ll give you a quarter. And he’ll say, do you think you can get me out of bed in the middle of the night and then offer me a quarter? Give me a dollar or get yourself a jack somewhere else.’
“By that time the fellow had worked himself into a 7)lather. He turned into the gate and muttered, ‘A dollar! All right, I’ll give you a dollar. But not a cent more! A
8)poor devil has an accident and all he needs is a jack. You probably won’t let me have one no matter what I give you. That’s the kind of guy you are.’
“Which brought him to the door and he knocked—angrily, loudly. The farmer stuck his head out the window above the door and 9)hollered down, ‘Who’s there? What do you want?’ The fellow stopped pounding on the door and yelled up, ‘You and your damn jack! You know what you can do with it!”
When I stopped laughing, I started thinking, and I said, “Is that what I’ve been doing?”
“Right,” he said, “and you’d be surprised how many people come to a lawyer for advice and, instead of calmly stating the facts, start building up a big imaginary fight—what he’ll say to his partner, what she’ll say to her husband, or how they’ll 10)tell 11)the Old Man off about his will. So I tell them the story about the jack and they cool off.
“The next time I hear from them, one tells me that partner was glad to meet him halfway; the 12)gal says she can’t understand it—her husband was so reasonable she thought she must have gotten somebody else on the phone; the relatives found out the Old Man had already been asking a lawyer how he could give everything to them before he died, to save them
13)inheritance tax.”
I thought, “How true! Most of us go through life bumping into obstacles we could easily bypass, 14)spoiling for a fight and
15)lashing out in blind rages at fancied wrongs and imaginary 16)foes. And we don’t even realize what we are doing until someone startles us one day with a vivid word like a lightning flash on a dark night.”
Well, the other night I was driving home from the city. I was late for dinner and I hadn’t phoned my wife. As I crawled along in a line of cars I became more and more frustrated and angry. I’ll tell her I was caught in the heavy weekend traffic and she’ll say, “Why didn’t you phone me before you left town?”
Then I’ll say, “What difference does it make anyway—I’m here!” And she’ll say, “Yes, and I’m here, too, and I’ve been here all day waiting to hear from you!” And I’ll say, ‘I suppose I haven’t anything else to do but call you up every hour on the hour and make like a 17)lovebird!” And she’ll say, ‘You mean like a wolf, but you wouldn’t be calling me!”
By this time I am turning into the 18)drive and I am plenty 19)steamed up.
As I jumped out and slammed the car door, my wife 20)flung open the window upstairs.
“All right!” I shouted up to her, “Say it!”
“I will,” she 21)cooed softly. “Wanna borrow a jack?”
一天，我去向一位当律师的朋友求助。“我真的遇到麻烦了。”我说，“住在我家马路对面的几位邻居要去度假一个月，他们没有把他们的狗送去寄养，而是准备把它们全锁在家里。一个女人会过来给它们喂食，如果她记得的话。这期间，那些狗会很孤独，继而日夜不停地狂吠。这样一来，我将无法入睡，为此，我要么打电话给防止虐待动物协会让他们派人过来把那些狗运走，要么我会发疯，然后去到邻居家，射杀那些狗。接着，当我的邻居们度假归来时，他们会发疯，并赶来我家，射杀我……”
我的律师朋友轻拍了拍自己的嘴，想止住一个小哈欠。“我给你讲个故事吧，”他说，“如果你已经听过它也别打断我——因为再听听这个故事对你有好处。”
“深夜，一个小伙子正开车在一条乡间小路上快速行驶。突然，一声巨响！他的车胎爆了。他一边下车查看，一边咒骂——他没有带千斤顶，无法换车胎。于是他自言自语道：‘唔，我就走去周边最近的农舍借一个千斤顶来用！’他看到远处有灯光，继续自语道：‘噢，我运气不错；有个农场主起床了。我就过去敲开他家的门，告诉他我遇到了麻烦，请借一个千斤顶给我用用，好吗？他会说，当然没问题，朋友，你自己拿，不过得把它送回来。’
“他往前走了一段路后，看到远处的灯光熄灭了。于是他自言自语道：‘现在那个农场主已经睡下了，我此时前去打扰他，他肯定会很生气——这样一来，他大概要我付点钱才肯借出他的千斤顶。我会说，好吧，虽然你这样做并不是很友好，但是我会付给你25美分。他会说，你觉得你给我25美分就可以让我半夜从床上爬起来吗？给我1美元，不然你就到别处去借千斤顶。’
“至此，这个小伙子已经让自己变得焦躁不安起来。他一边走进农舍的大门，一边咕哝着：‘1美元！好吧，我会给你1美元。但是不会再多给一分钱！一个可怜的人遭遇了意外，他不过是需要一个千斤顶罢了。无论我给你什么，你可能都不会把千斤顶借给我。你就是那种吝啬的家伙。’
“小伙子边想边走到了农场主的屋门前，然后愤怒地把门敲得很响。农场主从楼上房间的窗户里伸出头来，朝下面大声叫喊：‘是谁呀？你想干什么？’小伙子停止拍门，向上大叫道：‘你和你那可恶的千斤顶！你知道你可以用它来干什么！’”
当我停止大笑后，我开始思考，然后我说：“我也一直在这样做，是吧？”
“是的，”他说，“你预料不到有多少人来找律师咨询的时候，他们不是冷静地陈述事实，而是发起一场夸大的‘假想战’——男人要对他的合伙人说什么，妻子要对她的丈夫说什么，或者晚辈要怎样指责老人的遗嘱安排。于是，我会给他们讲这个千斤顶的故事，他们就会冷静下来。”
“他们下一次跟我联络的时候，那男人告诉我，他的合伙人很愿意跟他各退一步，达成妥协；那女子说她完全懵了——她丈夫那样通情达理，以至于她都疑惑起来：上次接听她电话的会不会不是她丈夫而是另一个人？亲人们发现，老人早已在咨询律师他如何才能在自己去世之前把一切都分给他们，使他们省下遗产税的费用。”
我想道：“的确如此！生活中，对于一些我们本可以轻松绕过的障碍，我们多数人却不放过吵架的机会，同时因为一些自己臆想的委屈和假想的敌人而陷入盲目的愤怒，并猛烈反击。而我们甚至没有意识到自己正在做什么，直到某一天，有人说了句如黑夜闪电般直透人心的话，才一语惊醒了我们。”
例如，不久前的一个晚上，我从市区里开车回家。我已错过了正常回家吃晚饭的时间，却没有打电话给妻子。当我的车在长串的车队中蠕动时，我变得越来越沮丧和生气。我想着：到家后我会告诉妻子，因为周末大堵车，我被困在路上了。她会说：“你离开市区之前为什么不给我打个电话呢？”
接着，我会说：“那样做又有什么分别——反正我现在到家了！”而她会说：“是呀，我也在家里，但是我一整天都在家里等你的电话！”然后我会说:“难道除了每隔一小时给你打电话，像只情侣鹦鹉似的表示我有多爱你之外，我就没别的要做了？”她会说：“你是说像一头饿狼吧，但你就是不打电话给我!”
这时，我开始拐入自家的车道，心里已是相当恼怒。
当我从车里跳出来，甩上车门时，我妻子一把推开了楼上房间的窗户。
“好啊！”我对着她大叫道，“说吧！”
“我会的，”她温柔地低声说道，“想借一个千斤顶吗？”
My lawyer patted back a delicate 4)yawn. “Let me tell you a story,” he said. “And don’t stop me if you’ve heard it—because it will do you good to hear it again.”
“A fellow was speeding down a country road late at night and BANG! Went a tire. He got out and looked and—5)drat it—he had no jack. Then he said to himself, ‘Well, I’ll just walk to the nearest farmhouse and borrow a jack!’ He saw a light in the distance and said, ‘Well, I’m in luck; the farmer’s up. I’ll just knock on the door and say I’m in trouble, would you please lend me a jack? And he’ll say, why sure, 6)neighbor, help yourself—but bring it back.’
“He walked on a little farther and the light went out so he said to himself, ‘Now he’s gone to bed and he’ll be annoyed because I’m bothering him—so he’ll probably want some money for his jack. And I’ll say, all right, it isn’t very neighborly—but I’ll give you a quarter. And he’ll say, do you think you can get me out of bed in the middle of the night and then offer me a quarter? Give me a dollar or get yourself a jack somewhere else.’
“By that time the fellow had worked himself into a 7)lather. He turned into the gate and muttered, ‘A dollar! All right, I’ll give you a dollar. But not a cent more! A
8)poor devil has an accident and all he needs is a jack. You probably won’t let me have one no matter what I give you. That’s the kind of guy you are.’
“Which brought him to the door and he knocked—angrily, loudly. The farmer stuck his head out the window above the door and 9)hollered down, ‘Who’s there? What do you want?’ The fellow stopped pounding on the door and yelled up, ‘You and your damn jack! You know what you can do with it!”
When I stopped laughing, I started thinking, and I said, “Is that what I’ve been doing?”
“Right,” he said, “and you’d be surprised how many people come to a lawyer for advice and, instead of calmly stating the facts, start building up a big imaginary fight—what he’ll say to his partner, what she’ll say to her husband, or how they’ll 10)tell 11)the Old Man off about his will. So I tell them the story about the jack and they cool off.
“The next time I hear from them, one tells me that partner was glad to meet him halfway; the 12)gal says she can’t understand it—her husband was so reasonable she thought she must have gotten somebody else on the phone; the relatives found out the Old Man had already been asking a lawyer how he could give everything to them before he died, to save them
13)inheritance tax.”
I thought, “How true! Most of us go through life bumping into obstacles we could easily bypass, 14)spoiling for a fight and
15)lashing out in blind rages at fancied wrongs and imaginary 16)foes. And we don’t even realize what we are doing until someone startles us one day with a vivid word like a lightning flash on a dark night.”
Well, the other night I was driving home from the city. I was late for dinner and I hadn’t phoned my wife. As I crawled along in a line of cars I became more and more frustrated and angry. I’ll tell her I was caught in the heavy weekend traffic and she’ll say, “Why didn’t you phone me before you left town?”
Then I’ll say, “What difference does it make anyway—I’m here!” And she’ll say, “Yes, and I’m here, too, and I’ve been here all day waiting to hear from you!” And I’ll say, ‘I suppose I haven’t anything else to do but call you up every hour on the hour and make like a 17)lovebird!” And she’ll say, ‘You mean like a wolf, but you wouldn’t be calling me!”
By this time I am turning into the 18)drive and I am plenty 19)steamed up.
As I jumped out and slammed the car door, my wife 20)flung open the window upstairs.
“All right!” I shouted up to her, “Say it!”
“I will,” she 21)cooed softly. “Wanna borrow a jack?”
一天，我去向一位当律师的朋友求助。“我真的遇到麻烦了。”我说，“住在我家马路对面的几位邻居要去度假一个月，他们没有把他们的狗送去寄养，而是准备把它们全锁在家里。一个女人会过来给它们喂食，如果她记得的话。这期间，那些狗会很孤独，继而日夜不停地狂吠。这样一来，我将无法入睡，为此，我要么打电话给防止虐待动物协会让他们派人过来把那些狗运走，要么我会发疯，然后去到邻居家，射杀那些狗。接着，当我的邻居们度假归来时，他们会发疯，并赶来我家，射杀我……”
我的律师朋友轻拍了拍自己的嘴，想止住一个小哈欠。“我给你讲个故事吧，”他说，“如果你已经听过它也别打断我——因为再听听这个故事对你有好处。”
“深夜，一个小伙子正开车在一条乡间小路上快速行驶。突然，一声巨响！他的车胎爆了。他一边下车查看，一边咒骂——他没有带千斤顶，无法换车胎。于是他自言自语道：‘唔，我就走去周边最近的农舍借一个千斤顶来用！’他看到远处有灯光，继续自语道：‘噢，我运气不错；有个农场主起床了。我就过去敲开他家的门，告诉他我遇到了麻烦，请借一个千斤顶给我用用，好吗？他会说，当然没问题，朋友，你自己拿，不过得把它送回来。’
“他往前走了一段路后，看到远处的灯光熄灭了。于是他自言自语道：‘现在那个农场主已经睡下了，我此时前去打扰他，他肯定会很生气——这样一来，他大概要我付点钱才肯借出他的千斤顶。我会说，好吧，虽然你这样做并不是很友好，但是我会付给你25美分。他会说，你觉得你给我25美分就可以让我半夜从床上爬起来吗？给我1美元，不然你就到别处去借千斤顶。’
“至此，这个小伙子已经让自己变得焦躁不安起来。他一边走进农舍的大门，一边咕哝着：‘1美元！好吧，我会给你1美元。但是不会再多给一分钱！一个可怜的人遭遇了意外，他不过是需要一个千斤顶罢了。无论我给你什么，你可能都不会把千斤顶借给我。你就是那种吝啬的家伙。’
“小伙子边想边走到了农场主的屋门前，然后愤怒地把门敲得很响。农场主从楼上房间的窗户里伸出头来，朝下面大声叫喊：‘是谁呀？你想干什么？’小伙子停止拍门，向上大叫道：‘你和你那可恶的千斤顶！你知道你可以用它来干什么！’”
当我停止大笑后，我开始思考，然后我说：“我也一直在这样做，是吧？”
“是的，”他说，“你预料不到有多少人来找律师咨询的时候，他们不是冷静地陈述事实，而是发起一场夸大的‘假想战’——男人要对他的合伙人说什么，妻子要对她的丈夫说什么，或者晚辈要怎样指责老人的遗嘱安排。于是，我会给他们讲这个千斤顶的故事，他们就会冷静下来。”
“他们下一次跟我联络的时候，那男人告诉我，他的合伙人很愿意跟他各退一步，达成妥协；那女子说她完全懵了——她丈夫那样通情达理，以至于她都疑惑起来：上次接听她电话的会不会不是她丈夫而是另一个人？亲人们发现，老人早已在咨询律师他如何才能在自己去世之前把一切都分给他们，使他们省下遗产税的费用。”
我想道：“的确如此！生活中，对于一些我们本可以轻松绕过的障碍，我们多数人却不放过吵架的机会，同时因为一些自己臆想的委屈和假想的敌人而陷入盲目的愤怒，并猛烈反击。而我们甚至没有意识到自己正在做什么，直到某一天，有人说了句如黑夜闪电般直透人心的话，才一语惊醒了我们。”
例如，不久前的一个晚上，我从市区里开车回家。我已错过了正常回家吃晚饭的时间，却没有打电话给妻子。当我的车在长串的车队中蠕动时，我变得越来越沮丧和生气。我想着：到家后我会告诉妻子，因为周末大堵车，我被困在路上了。她会说：“你离开市区之前为什么不给我打个电话呢？”
接着，我会说：“那样做又有什么分别——反正我现在到家了！”而她会说：“是呀，我也在家里，但是我一整天都在家里等你的电话！”然后我会说:“难道除了每隔一小时给你打电话，像只情侣鹦鹉似的表示我有多爱你之外，我就没别的要做了？”她会说：“你是说像一头饿狼吧，但你就是不打电话给我!”
这时，我开始拐入自家的车道，心里已是相当恼怒。
当我从车里跳出来，甩上车门时，我妻子一把推开了楼上房间的窗户。
“好啊！”我对着她大叫道，“说吧！”
“我会的，”她温柔地低声说道，“想借一个千斤顶吗？”