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【试题呈现】
假设你是班长,班上即将举行一次英语班会,主题为“How to control the fast-growing of population”,你首先发言,谈谈目前人口增长的情况、控制人口的措施以及自己对此问题的看法。请根据提示写一篇演讲稿。
1. 参考词汇:family program(计划生育); reward(奖励)
2. 参考措施:计划生育政策、给独生子女家庭以奖励等
3.词数:120个左右。
Dear friends,
At present, there is a widespread concern over ...
【审题点拨】
这篇作文要求学生以应用文形式写出一篇演讲稿。虽然形式上是口头,但行文上还是应该书面。在写作中,同学们要规范表述,灵活处理,语言精练。具体地讲还应该注意:
1.写前认真审题,分几个自然段落来写作,不能漏掉任何一个要点;
2.不能生硬地逐条翻译,应正确使用承上启下的过渡词使文章内容紧凑,语言连贯流畅。
【习作一】
Dear friends,
At present, there is a widespread concern over the fast-growing of population. Population problem has become more and more serious. How to control the fast-growing of population? This is a very difficult but necessary question.
As we know, the population is increasing at about 8% per year. A sudden large increase in the number of people leads to many problems, such as resource shortage, environmental pollution, heavy transportation and so on. Therefore, it’s high time we did something about it.
Firstly, the government should carry out the family program strictly. If someone breaks the rules, the government should punish them, so that people can obey the rules well. Carrying out family program can control the population and improving the health of people. Second, the government should reward those people who obey the rules. It can encourage more couples to carry out family problem. In addition, it’s a good idea to announce the family problem.
In conclusion, people around the world should be aware of the real situation of the fast-growing of population. I believe strongly that if every couple can carry out family program, our home — the earth will become much better!
Thank you for listening.
(谷城一中高二(25)班 任明珠)
点评 这是一篇中档习作。其优点是:
(1)本文覆盖所有的主要内容;语法结构和词汇方面的应用基本准确;结构清晰明了,段落层次分明。
(2)文中各段落之间使用了适当的过渡语,句子之间使用了合理的逻辑衔接词,如:as we know,such as,therefore,in addition等。
(3)文中尝试使用了较复杂的语法结构,如:
... so that people can obey the rules well (结果状语从句)
Carrying out family program can control ... (动名词短语作主语)
I believe strongly that if every couple can ... (复合句)
It’s high time ... (从句中用虚拟语气)
还有较高级词汇,如:be aware of,in conclusion,reward等。
(4)用了Firstly,Secondly,in conclusion逐一提出解决问题的建议,使得文章有条有理,叙事简练。
不足之处:
本文之所以为中档作文,原因在于该生的语言基本功略有不足,有待提高。
(1)内容上有些啰嗦,文章字数超过了题目要求的120字左右,第二、三两个自然段可以合并缩写。
(2)语言结构上出现了一些问题,如:
“How to control the fast-growing of population?”用提问的形式很好,但这不是一个完整的句子,应改成“How can we control the ...?”
“... control the population and improving the health of people.”中improving与control是并列谓语,所以应将improving改成improve。
(3)作者过多地重复使用某些词组搭配,其中carry out the family program出现了三次,obey the rules出现了两次。重复使用同一表达方式会显得作者词汇不够丰富、表述贫乏。因此,在写作中应尽量避免重复,使句式多样化,给阅卷老师好的印象。
(4)文中有少量表达错误,如“增长了多少”应该说“... is increasing by about 8% per year”;“... those people who ...”习惯于直接说“... those who ...”;还有“It’s a good idea to announce the family program”所表达的意义有点让人费解,按上下文改为“It’s a good idea to make the policy known to all”更好。
【习作二】
Dear friends,
At present, there is a widespread concern over the fast growing of population. It is really an important concern to each of us. As a result, we must spare no efforts to take some measures to solve this problem.
As we know, there are many steps which can be taken to deal with this problem. First of all, the government should firmly put into practice the family program-one child for each couple. In addition, another way of solving the problem is that rewards can be given to those families having only one child.
Above all, to solve the problem of how to control the fast growing of population, we should try various ways. But as far as I am concerned, I would prefer to solve the problem in this way, that is to say, we should employ a systematic method.
That is all I want to say, thank you.
(谷城一中高二(25)班 黄敬美)
点评 这是一篇高档作文,基本符合高考书面表达第五档(25~30分)的评分标准。
(1)本文要点齐全,结构清晰合理,语言表达准确流畅。
(2)作者成功地运用了许多高级词汇和短语,使文章语言丰富多彩,如as a result,spare no effort to do sth,take measures,deal with,firmly,in addition,employ,prefer等。
(3)作者灵活地运用了一些较为复杂的语法结构,如:
... there are many steps which can be taken to deal with ... (含有定语从句)
... the government should firmly put into practice the family program—one child for each couple. (宾语后置及同位语)
... another way of solving the problem is that rewards can be given to those families having only one child. (此句中有动名词短语、that引导的表语从句,还有现在分词作后置定语。)
(4)作者有效地使用了语句间的连接成分,如as a result,as we know,first of all,in addition,above all,but,as far as I am concerned,that is to say等,使句子之间衔接紧密,段落之间过渡自然,全文结构连贯紧凑。
假设你是班长,班上即将举行一次英语班会,主题为“How to control the fast-growing of population”,你首先发言,谈谈目前人口增长的情况、控制人口的措施以及自己对此问题的看法。请根据提示写一篇演讲稿。
1. 参考词汇:family program(计划生育); reward(奖励)
2. 参考措施:计划生育政策、给独生子女家庭以奖励等
3.词数:120个左右。
Dear friends,
At present, there is a widespread concern over ...
【审题点拨】
这篇作文要求学生以应用文形式写出一篇演讲稿。虽然形式上是口头,但行文上还是应该书面。在写作中,同学们要规范表述,灵活处理,语言精练。具体地讲还应该注意:
1.写前认真审题,分几个自然段落来写作,不能漏掉任何一个要点;
2.不能生硬地逐条翻译,应正确使用承上启下的过渡词使文章内容紧凑,语言连贯流畅。
【习作一】
Dear friends,
At present, there is a widespread concern over the fast-growing of population. Population problem has become more and more serious. How to control the fast-growing of population? This is a very difficult but necessary question.
As we know, the population is increasing at about 8% per year. A sudden large increase in the number of people leads to many problems, such as resource shortage, environmental pollution, heavy transportation and so on. Therefore, it’s high time we did something about it.
Firstly, the government should carry out the family program strictly. If someone breaks the rules, the government should punish them, so that people can obey the rules well. Carrying out family program can control the population and improving the health of people. Second, the government should reward those people who obey the rules. It can encourage more couples to carry out family problem. In addition, it’s a good idea to announce the family problem.
In conclusion, people around the world should be aware of the real situation of the fast-growing of population. I believe strongly that if every couple can carry out family program, our home — the earth will become much better!
Thank you for listening.
(谷城一中高二(25)班 任明珠)
点评 这是一篇中档习作。其优点是:
(1)本文覆盖所有的主要内容;语法结构和词汇方面的应用基本准确;结构清晰明了,段落层次分明。
(2)文中各段落之间使用了适当的过渡语,句子之间使用了合理的逻辑衔接词,如:as we know,such as,therefore,in addition等。
(3)文中尝试使用了较复杂的语法结构,如:
... so that people can obey the rules well (结果状语从句)
Carrying out family program can control ... (动名词短语作主语)
I believe strongly that if every couple can ... (复合句)
It’s high time ... (从句中用虚拟语气)
还有较高级词汇,如:be aware of,in conclusion,reward等。
(4)用了Firstly,Secondly,in conclusion逐一提出解决问题的建议,使得文章有条有理,叙事简练。
不足之处:
本文之所以为中档作文,原因在于该生的语言基本功略有不足,有待提高。
(1)内容上有些啰嗦,文章字数超过了题目要求的120字左右,第二、三两个自然段可以合并缩写。
(2)语言结构上出现了一些问题,如:
“How to control the fast-growing of population?”用提问的形式很好,但这不是一个完整的句子,应改成“How can we control the ...?”
“... control the population and improving the health of people.”中improving与control是并列谓语,所以应将improving改成improve。
(3)作者过多地重复使用某些词组搭配,其中carry out the family program出现了三次,obey the rules出现了两次。重复使用同一表达方式会显得作者词汇不够丰富、表述贫乏。因此,在写作中应尽量避免重复,使句式多样化,给阅卷老师好的印象。
(4)文中有少量表达错误,如“增长了多少”应该说“... is increasing by about 8% per year”;“... those people who ...”习惯于直接说“... those who ...”;还有“It’s a good idea to announce the family program”所表达的意义有点让人费解,按上下文改为“It’s a good idea to make the policy known to all”更好。
【习作二】
Dear friends,
At present, there is a widespread concern over the fast growing of population. It is really an important concern to each of us. As a result, we must spare no efforts to take some measures to solve this problem.
As we know, there are many steps which can be taken to deal with this problem. First of all, the government should firmly put into practice the family program-one child for each couple. In addition, another way of solving the problem is that rewards can be given to those families having only one child.
Above all, to solve the problem of how to control the fast growing of population, we should try various ways. But as far as I am concerned, I would prefer to solve the problem in this way, that is to say, we should employ a systematic method.
That is all I want to say, thank you.
(谷城一中高二(25)班 黄敬美)
点评 这是一篇高档作文,基本符合高考书面表达第五档(25~30分)的评分标准。
(1)本文要点齐全,结构清晰合理,语言表达准确流畅。
(2)作者成功地运用了许多高级词汇和短语,使文章语言丰富多彩,如as a result,spare no effort to do sth,take measures,deal with,firmly,in addition,employ,prefer等。
(3)作者灵活地运用了一些较为复杂的语法结构,如:
... there are many steps which can be taken to deal with ... (含有定语从句)
... the government should firmly put into practice the family program—one child for each couple. (宾语后置及同位语)
... another way of solving the problem is that rewards can be given to those families having only one child. (此句中有动名词短语、that引导的表语从句,还有现在分词作后置定语。)
(4)作者有效地使用了语句间的连接成分,如as a result,as we know,first of all,in addition,above all,but,as far as I am concerned,that is to say等,使句子之间衔接紧密,段落之间过渡自然,全文结构连贯紧凑。