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Deart Sir or Madam，
I am writing in regard to your notice about the delay in shipment of my order for 14 dozen Olympic quality, ultra1-accurate, carbon arrows. Perhaps you do not understand the urgency of the situation. I realize that you have no control over the suppliers of your stock; however, surely you have an existing supply in your warehouse2. As a valid customer for so many years, I appeal to you to consider filling my order ahead of any others.
Since Valentine Day will fall on the 14th day of February, as traditional, it is imperative that my order be received no later than the 13th. I must be ready for my flight early the next morning in order to assure that couples the world over are not disappointed. Without the equipment, I am powerless and love cannot be delivered to those in need of a bit of extra incentive at this time of the year.
Poets the world over have written poems and sonnets of love. Famous couples throughout the ages have depended on me to add that extra spark to their relationship that makes it more than just mere friendship. Surely you can understand that Cupid must have arrows! Each and every year, I alone am responsible for targeting the hearts of individuals and filling them with passion for a beloved. What sort of Valentine’s Day will it be if Cupid cannot complete this task? I ask you, what sort of world would it be without love?
If you do not have the specific superlite carbon arrow, perhaps you can substitute a graphite3 of equal quality. We are talking about love here. Providing the incentive to fall in love is serious business. While I do prefer carbon, ultra-accuracy is not entirely essential, as my shot is so powerful that it is likely the unwary5 lover will be evoked6 into action even by a near center shot.
Reusing old arrows is not a practical option in my particular situation. Regardless of the durability of the arrow shaft, those struck by the arrow of Cupid usually become so amorous that is almost impossible to recover. For days, weeks, or even years afterwards, they will continue to pursue the beloved—to the highest mountains, to the deepest seas, to the ends of the earth, if necessary—well, you know the cliches. This phenomenon is widely documented in song and poetry.
You may have felt the sting of my arrow at one time yourself. Sooner or later practically everyone in the world is struck. You see, therefore, just how essential it is that my order be filled in a timely manner. Please ship the 14 dozen arrows or an appropriate substitute at your earliest convenience. Otherwise I may be forced to refer the millions of irate7 lovers who will be asking why there was no Valentine’s Day this year to your complaint department.
Thank you for your kind attention, and I shall be waiting for your express package with my bow and quiver ready. The love of people is depending on you. I’m sure I can count on your cooperation.
With Love,
Cupid
尊敬的女士/先生：
我写此信的目的是提醒您注意关于我订购14打奥运会专用的锋利无比的碳箭未能如期交货一事。或许您还未能理解该问题的严重性。我注意到，贵公司并未能控制好库存的商品；而贵方仓库中肯定有现货。作为一名合法的老客户，我恳请贵方应该优先考虑我的订单。
情人节将于2月14日来临，按常理，我所订之货物不应迟于13日收到。因为我必须在翌日一大早就为我的飞行做好准备，以免令全世界的情人们失望。如果没有这些设备，我将对此无能为力；而爱也就无法交付给那些每年在此刻特别需要刺激的人们。
世界上众多诗人都曾写过颂扬爱情的诗词。而那些经历了岁月变迁的名人伴侣们也认为，他们的生活必须依靠我给他们提供的那一丁点儿可怜的火花来区别单纯的合作伙伴关系。因此，您应该可以理解丘比特为什么必须有箭的原因了！每年，都只有我一个人来负责为那些单身的人撮合配对，让他们感受爱，也被人爱。请想想，如果丘比特在情人节不能完成这样重大的任务，那么没有爱情的世界会变成什么样呢？
如果您没有特制的碳箭，或许您也可以用同等质量的石墨箭代替。我们在这里所谈论的是关于爱情的问题，而促使人们相爱是一件非常严肃的事，这就让我更喜欢使用碳箭，并不需要太准确的那种。我射出的箭极具威力，那些即便被稍稍射偏的粗心大意的情人们也极有可能坠入爱河。
因此，处于我这个特殊位置，如果再使用旧的爱之箭的确是不很实际的选择。无论箭杆的耐久性如何，那些被丘比特射中的人通常都会变得异常痴情，并且基本上不可能痊愈。他们会对所钟爱的人穷追不舍，日复一日，年复一年，上刀山下火海，直到地球的末日（相信这些陈词滥调您也都熟悉了）。并且，此类现象在众多的诗词歌赋中都有证明。
或许，您也曾被我的爱之箭刺痛过。实际上，在这世上的每个人迟早都会被我射中。因此，您就应该更了解我的这张订单必须按期交货的必要性。因此，请您在最快的时间内将14 打爱之箭或者同等的替代品发出。否则我就会被数百万没有过上情人节的愤怒情人们逼到贵公司投诉部门来。
谢谢您费心。我将等候用您快递过来的弓箭。人类的爱都靠您了。我相信您的合作是可以信赖的。
充满爱心的
丘比特
雪咪 摘自Funny Stories
I am writing in regard to your notice about the delay in shipment of my order for 14 dozen Olympic quality, ultra1-accurate, carbon arrows. Perhaps you do not understand the urgency of the situation. I realize that you have no control over the suppliers of your stock; however, surely you have an existing supply in your warehouse2. As a valid customer for so many years, I appeal to you to consider filling my order ahead of any others.
Since Valentine Day will fall on the 14th day of February, as traditional, it is imperative that my order be received no later than the 13th. I must be ready for my flight early the next morning in order to assure that couples the world over are not disappointed. Without the equipment, I am powerless and love cannot be delivered to those in need of a bit of extra incentive at this time of the year.
Poets the world over have written poems and sonnets of love. Famous couples throughout the ages have depended on me to add that extra spark to their relationship that makes it more than just mere friendship. Surely you can understand that Cupid must have arrows! Each and every year, I alone am responsible for targeting the hearts of individuals and filling them with passion for a beloved. What sort of Valentine’s Day will it be if Cupid cannot complete this task? I ask you, what sort of world would it be without love?
If you do not have the specific superlite carbon arrow, perhaps you can substitute a graphite3 of equal quality. We are talking about love here. Providing the incentive to fall in love is serious business. While I do prefer carbon, ultra-accuracy is not entirely essential, as my shot is so powerful that it is likely the unwary5 lover will be evoked6 into action even by a near center shot.
Reusing old arrows is not a practical option in my particular situation. Regardless of the durability of the arrow shaft, those struck by the arrow of Cupid usually become so amorous that is almost impossible to recover. For days, weeks, or even years afterwards, they will continue to pursue the beloved—to the highest mountains, to the deepest seas, to the ends of the earth, if necessary—well, you know the cliches. This phenomenon is widely documented in song and poetry.
You may have felt the sting of my arrow at one time yourself. Sooner or later practically everyone in the world is struck. You see, therefore, just how essential it is that my order be filled in a timely manner. Please ship the 14 dozen arrows or an appropriate substitute at your earliest convenience. Otherwise I may be forced to refer the millions of irate7 lovers who will be asking why there was no Valentine’s Day this year to your complaint department.
Thank you for your kind attention, and I shall be waiting for your express package with my bow and quiver ready. The love of people is depending on you. I’m sure I can count on your cooperation.
With Love,
Cupid
尊敬的女士/先生：
我写此信的目的是提醒您注意关于我订购14打奥运会专用的锋利无比的碳箭未能如期交货一事。或许您还未能理解该问题的严重性。我注意到，贵公司并未能控制好库存的商品；而贵方仓库中肯定有现货。作为一名合法的老客户，我恳请贵方应该优先考虑我的订单。
情人节将于2月14日来临，按常理，我所订之货物不应迟于13日收到。因为我必须在翌日一大早就为我的飞行做好准备，以免令全世界的情人们失望。如果没有这些设备，我将对此无能为力；而爱也就无法交付给那些每年在此刻特别需要刺激的人们。
世界上众多诗人都曾写过颂扬爱情的诗词。而那些经历了岁月变迁的名人伴侣们也认为，他们的生活必须依靠我给他们提供的那一丁点儿可怜的火花来区别单纯的合作伙伴关系。因此，您应该可以理解丘比特为什么必须有箭的原因了！每年，都只有我一个人来负责为那些单身的人撮合配对，让他们感受爱，也被人爱。请想想，如果丘比特在情人节不能完成这样重大的任务，那么没有爱情的世界会变成什么样呢？
如果您没有特制的碳箭，或许您也可以用同等质量的石墨箭代替。我们在这里所谈论的是关于爱情的问题，而促使人们相爱是一件非常严肃的事，这就让我更喜欢使用碳箭，并不需要太准确的那种。我射出的箭极具威力，那些即便被稍稍射偏的粗心大意的情人们也极有可能坠入爱河。
因此，处于我这个特殊位置，如果再使用旧的爱之箭的确是不很实际的选择。无论箭杆的耐久性如何，那些被丘比特射中的人通常都会变得异常痴情，并且基本上不可能痊愈。他们会对所钟爱的人穷追不舍，日复一日，年复一年，上刀山下火海，直到地球的末日（相信这些陈词滥调您也都熟悉了）。并且，此类现象在众多的诗词歌赋中都有证明。
或许，您也曾被我的爱之箭刺痛过。实际上，在这世上的每个人迟早都会被我射中。因此，您就应该更了解我的这张订单必须按期交货的必要性。因此，请您在最快的时间内将14 打爱之箭或者同等的替代品发出。否则我就会被数百万没有过上情人节的愤怒情人们逼到贵公司投诉部门来。
谢谢您费心。我将等候用您快递过来的弓箭。人类的爱都靠您了。我相信您的合作是可以信赖的。
充满爱心的
丘比特
雪咪 摘自Funny Stories