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The other day, while visiting a furniture store, I met a worker who looked Indian. But when I told him I was from India, he revealed he was from 1)Pakistan. At that point, I had no choice: I grabbed a chair and chased him around the store, shouting, “Death to the Pakistani!”
Actually, it didn’t go quite like that. Security was tight, so I waited until his 2)shift ended and followed him home, where I 3)deflated his tires, 4)raided his refrigerator, and tattooed the words “I love India!” all over his body. Who said tattoos serve no purpose?
OK, I admit it: I didn’t go that far. All I did was shake his hand and smile. We had a rather friendly chat. I didn’t ask if any of his relatives were terrorists. He didn’t ask if any of mine were 5)infidels. We didn’t even insult each other’s mother-in-law.
He stated that the 6)Kashmir dispute shouldn’t create any 7)ill will between us. “Yes,” I said. “After all, India and Pakistan were once the same country. We are like family, you and I. That reminds me: Does this store offer any family discounts?”
If it were up to us, the border between India and Pakistan would be eliminated. Of course, if that happened, the country would have to look for a new enemy, so people in the military could keep their jobs. Gotta keep the economy going.
It’s a funny thing about borders—how they divide people, how they create 8)enmity and envy, how they give travelers the occasional thrill of being 9)strip-searched.
Borders often seem so 10)arbitrary, so illogical, like a British monarch delegated the task of drawing borders to his pet monkey. And yet we take them so seriously. We act like the people across the border are so different from us.
Fifty-year-old man: “They’re crazy, those people across the border. They speak a strange language and play strange games. Crazy, I tell you.”
Wife: “Oh, be quiet. You really shouldn’t 11)speak ill of the Canadians. They’re just like us. Nice people.”
I’ve often wondered what America would be like if every state were an independent country. It would be virtually impossible to travel from 12)Nevada to 13)Utah.
Border officer: “You’re from 14)Las Vegas? What, may I ask, do you want in Utah? There’s no gambling here, you know. No 15)prostitution either. We don’t even allow 16)bingo.”
Traveler: “I’m visiting my parents. They live just across the border.”
Officer: “Visiting your parents? I don’t believe it. It’s not Christmas yet. Sorry, I can’t let you through. If you want to enter Utah, you’ll have to hide in a barrel like everyone else.”
I like the Internet because it crosses borders so easily, brings people of different countries together. People in almost any country can read my column; people in almost any country can send me hate mail. I love hearing from Pakistanis as much as anyone else.
In major American cities, you will find Indians and Pakistanis doing business side by side, some operating stores with names like South Asia 17)Boutique, Indo-Pak Groceries and Indo-Pak Sweets & No Disputes. You may even spot them at the local park, playing a few 18)innings of cricket—laughing and shouting and ignoring the strange looks from passers-by. There’s no border between these people. I hope there never is.
前几天逛家具店的时候,我碰见了一个貌似印度人的工作人员。可是当我跟他说我是印度人时,他却透露他是巴基斯坦人。在那一刻,我毫无选择:我抓起一张椅子,一边追着他满店跑,一边大喊:“巴基斯坦人去死吧!”
事实上,事情的发展不是那样的。安保很严密,所以我等他下班后跟踪他回家。我放掉他车子的轮胎气,打劫他家冰箱,然后在他身上纹满“我爱印度”的字样。是谁说纹身毫无用处的?
好了,我承认:我没有做得那么过分。我只是跟他握了握手,并报以微笑。我们挺友好地聊了一会儿。我没问他有没有哪个亲戚是恐怖分子,而他也没问我有没有哪个亲戚是异教徒。我们甚至没有侮辱彼此的岳母(编者注:指互相谩骂)。
他表示我们之间不能因为克什米尔争端而心生芥蒂。“是的,”我说,“毕竟印度和巴基斯坦曾经属于同一个国家,我们就像一家人一样。这倒提醒我了:这家店有没有亲属优惠折扣呢?”
如果是由我们做决定,印度和巴基斯坦之间的边界就不会存在了。当然,那样的话,国家又不得不去寻找新的敌人了,这样军队里的人才能保住饭碗。总得让经济发展下去。
边界是很有趣的——将人们分隔开,制造敌对和妒忌,还偶尔给旅客带来遭受裸体搜身的震慑。
边界通常看起来都很随意,不合逻辑,划分边界的任务就像是哪个英国君王让他的宠物猴来完成似的,而我们却如此认真地对待这样的边界。我们表现得好像边界另一边的人跟我们如此迥异。
五十岁的男人:“他们疯了,边界那头的人。他们说奇怪的语言,玩奇怪的游戏。一群疯子,我跟你说。”
妻子:“噢,小点声。你真的不应该说加拿大人的坏话。他们就跟我们一样,都是好人。”
我经常在想,如果每个州都是一个独立的国家的话,美国会变成什么样呢?若真如此,从内华达州到犹他州旅行恐怕是不可能的了。
边境官员:“你是从拉斯维加斯来的?那,请问你到犹他州想干什么?你知道,这里没有赌场,也没有妓院。我们连宾果游戏都不允许玩。”
游客:“我去看望我父母。他们就住在边界的那一头。”
官员:“看望你父母?我不相信,圣诞节还没有到。抱歉,我不能让你过去。如果你要进入犹他州的话,恐怕你得像其他人那样藏在桶里了。”
我喜欢互联网,因为通过互联网,可以很容易地跨越边境,把不同国家的人汇聚到一起。几乎每个国家的人都可以读到我的专栏。几乎每个国家的人都可以给我发恶意邮件。就跟喜欢收到其他人的来信一样,我也很喜欢收到巴基斯坦人的来信。
在美国的主要城市,你会发现印度人和巴基斯坦人聚在一起做生意。他们开的一些商店起着这样一些名字,如南亚小店,印巴杂货店以及友好印巴糖果店。你甚至可能会在当地的公园看到他们在玩几局板球——大笑大叫,无视路人们那诧异的目光。这些人之间是没有界线的。我希望边界永远都不存在。
Actually, it didn’t go quite like that. Security was tight, so I waited until his 2)shift ended and followed him home, where I 3)deflated his tires, 4)raided his refrigerator, and tattooed the words “I love India!” all over his body. Who said tattoos serve no purpose?
OK, I admit it: I didn’t go that far. All I did was shake his hand and smile. We had a rather friendly chat. I didn’t ask if any of his relatives were terrorists. He didn’t ask if any of mine were 5)infidels. We didn’t even insult each other’s mother-in-law.
He stated that the 6)Kashmir dispute shouldn’t create any 7)ill will between us. “Yes,” I said. “After all, India and Pakistan were once the same country. We are like family, you and I. That reminds me: Does this store offer any family discounts?”
If it were up to us, the border between India and Pakistan would be eliminated. Of course, if that happened, the country would have to look for a new enemy, so people in the military could keep their jobs. Gotta keep the economy going.
It’s a funny thing about borders—how they divide people, how they create 8)enmity and envy, how they give travelers the occasional thrill of being 9)strip-searched.
Borders often seem so 10)arbitrary, so illogical, like a British monarch delegated the task of drawing borders to his pet monkey. And yet we take them so seriously. We act like the people across the border are so different from us.
Fifty-year-old man: “They’re crazy, those people across the border. They speak a strange language and play strange games. Crazy, I tell you.”
Wife: “Oh, be quiet. You really shouldn’t 11)speak ill of the Canadians. They’re just like us. Nice people.”
I’ve often wondered what America would be like if every state were an independent country. It would be virtually impossible to travel from 12)Nevada to 13)Utah.
Border officer: “You’re from 14)Las Vegas? What, may I ask, do you want in Utah? There’s no gambling here, you know. No 15)prostitution either. We don’t even allow 16)bingo.”
Traveler: “I’m visiting my parents. They live just across the border.”
Officer: “Visiting your parents? I don’t believe it. It’s not Christmas yet. Sorry, I can’t let you through. If you want to enter Utah, you’ll have to hide in a barrel like everyone else.”
I like the Internet because it crosses borders so easily, brings people of different countries together. People in almost any country can read my column; people in almost any country can send me hate mail. I love hearing from Pakistanis as much as anyone else.
In major American cities, you will find Indians and Pakistanis doing business side by side, some operating stores with names like South Asia 17)Boutique, Indo-Pak Groceries and Indo-Pak Sweets & No Disputes. You may even spot them at the local park, playing a few 18)innings of cricket—laughing and shouting and ignoring the strange looks from passers-by. There’s no border between these people. I hope there never is.
前几天逛家具店的时候,我碰见了一个貌似印度人的工作人员。可是当我跟他说我是印度人时,他却透露他是巴基斯坦人。在那一刻,我毫无选择:我抓起一张椅子,一边追着他满店跑,一边大喊:“巴基斯坦人去死吧!”
事实上,事情的发展不是那样的。安保很严密,所以我等他下班后跟踪他回家。我放掉他车子的轮胎气,打劫他家冰箱,然后在他身上纹满“我爱印度”的字样。是谁说纹身毫无用处的?
好了,我承认:我没有做得那么过分。我只是跟他握了握手,并报以微笑。我们挺友好地聊了一会儿。我没问他有没有哪个亲戚是恐怖分子,而他也没问我有没有哪个亲戚是异教徒。我们甚至没有侮辱彼此的岳母(编者注:指互相谩骂)。
他表示我们之间不能因为克什米尔争端而心生芥蒂。“是的,”我说,“毕竟印度和巴基斯坦曾经属于同一个国家,我们就像一家人一样。这倒提醒我了:这家店有没有亲属优惠折扣呢?”
如果是由我们做决定,印度和巴基斯坦之间的边界就不会存在了。当然,那样的话,国家又不得不去寻找新的敌人了,这样军队里的人才能保住饭碗。总得让经济发展下去。
边界是很有趣的——将人们分隔开,制造敌对和妒忌,还偶尔给旅客带来遭受裸体搜身的震慑。
边界通常看起来都很随意,不合逻辑,划分边界的任务就像是哪个英国君王让他的宠物猴来完成似的,而我们却如此认真地对待这样的边界。我们表现得好像边界另一边的人跟我们如此迥异。
五十岁的男人:“他们疯了,边界那头的人。他们说奇怪的语言,玩奇怪的游戏。一群疯子,我跟你说。”
妻子:“噢,小点声。你真的不应该说加拿大人的坏话。他们就跟我们一样,都是好人。”
我经常在想,如果每个州都是一个独立的国家的话,美国会变成什么样呢?若真如此,从内华达州到犹他州旅行恐怕是不可能的了。
边境官员:“你是从拉斯维加斯来的?那,请问你到犹他州想干什么?你知道,这里没有赌场,也没有妓院。我们连宾果游戏都不允许玩。”
游客:“我去看望我父母。他们就住在边界的那一头。”
官员:“看望你父母?我不相信,圣诞节还没有到。抱歉,我不能让你过去。如果你要进入犹他州的话,恐怕你得像其他人那样藏在桶里了。”
我喜欢互联网,因为通过互联网,可以很容易地跨越边境,把不同国家的人汇聚到一起。几乎每个国家的人都可以读到我的专栏。几乎每个国家的人都可以给我发恶意邮件。就跟喜欢收到其他人的来信一样,我也很喜欢收到巴基斯坦人的来信。
在美国的主要城市,你会发现印度人和巴基斯坦人聚在一起做生意。他们开的一些商店起着这样一些名字,如南亚小店,印巴杂货店以及友好印巴糖果店。你甚至可能会在当地的公园看到他们在玩几局板球——大笑大叫,无视路人们那诧异的目光。这些人之间是没有界线的。我希望边界永远都不存在。