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陈传光 男,38岁,在江苏省连云港市罗阳中学任教,中学高级教师、江苏省教育学会会员、连云港市优秀教育园丁、赣榆区先进教育工作者,从事教育教学工作15年;有多篇论文在各期刊上发表并获奖;曾获全国中学生新课程英语语言能力竞赛优秀辅导教师一等奖、英语基本功大赛市一等奖。
Many students are short of exercise in their spare time now. On the one hand, they have too much homework to do after school. On the other hand, they probable① have so many after-school classes such as piano classes. So there is no time for them to do exercise.
Less exercise is harm② to students. They are growing quickly, so they need to do more exercise to keep healthy. Even though they are too busy with their schoolwork, they still need to play sports to make their bodies strong. I think they had better to exercise③ in their daily life. First, they can take a walk after dinner on weekdays. After all, it’s bad for them to do homework at once after dinner. Second, they can go swimming on weekends. Swimming is a very good sport but④ it doesn’t need long time.
All in all, students need to do exercise in their spare time. The more exercise they do, the better it is for them.
江蘇省连云港市罗阳中学九(1)班 丰凯强
1. 优点:
小作者首先概述了学生缺少运动甚至不运动的原因;接下来,小作者阐述了缺少运动甚至不运动对学生的影响并针对这种现象提出了合理的建议;最后,在文章的结尾处,小作者用两句话总结全文。整篇文章条理清晰,流畅精炼,是值得同学们借鉴的一篇范文。
2. 需要修改的地方:
① probable改为probably。此处修饰动词have,要使用副词probably。
② harm改为harmful。be动词后接形容词,be harmful to相当于do harm to,意为“对……有害”。
③ to exercise改为exercise。had better do sth.意为“最好做某事”。
④ but改为and。此处上下文是并列关系,不是转折关系。句意:游泳是一项非常好的运动,并且不需要花很长时间。
3. 评分:
按江苏省连云港市中考英语作文满分25分的评分标准,本文修改前可得20分。
Many students are short of exercise in their spare time now. On the one hand, they have too much homework to do after school. On the other hand, they probable① have so many after-school classes such as piano classes. So there is no time for them to do exercise.
Less exercise is harm② to students. They are growing quickly, so they need to do more exercise to keep healthy. Even though they are too busy with their schoolwork, they still need to play sports to make their bodies strong. I think they had better to exercise③ in their daily life. First, they can take a walk after dinner on weekdays. After all, it’s bad for them to do homework at once after dinner. Second, they can go swimming on weekends. Swimming is a very good sport but④ it doesn’t need long time.
All in all, students need to do exercise in their spare time. The more exercise they do, the better it is for them.
江蘇省连云港市罗阳中学九(1)班 丰凯强
1. 优点:
小作者首先概述了学生缺少运动甚至不运动的原因;接下来,小作者阐述了缺少运动甚至不运动对学生的影响并针对这种现象提出了合理的建议;最后,在文章的结尾处,小作者用两句话总结全文。整篇文章条理清晰,流畅精炼,是值得同学们借鉴的一篇范文。
2. 需要修改的地方:
① probable改为probably。此处修饰动词have,要使用副词probably。
② harm改为harmful。be动词后接形容词,be harmful to相当于do harm to,意为“对……有害”。
③ to exercise改为exercise。had better do sth.意为“最好做某事”。
④ but改为and。此处上下文是并列关系,不是转折关系。句意:游泳是一项非常好的运动,并且不需要花很长时间。
3. 评分:
按江苏省连云港市中考英语作文满分25分的评分标准,本文修改前可得20分。