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有时候，沟通真的不仅仅是语言的问题，更是一种懂得察言观色的态度、一个贴心的配合。
Here’s how to start great small talk. Use the mood match technique.
Several years ago the Mensa organization, a social group of extremely bright individuals who score in the country’s top 2% in intelligence, invited me to be the keynote speaker at their annual convention. I don’t know why because I don’t even qualify to be in their group.
Anyway, their cocktail party was 2)in full swing in the lobby of the hotel as I arrived. After checking in, I 3)hauled my bags through the 4)horde of happy-hour Mensans to the elevator. The doors separated and I stepped into an elevator packed with party-goers. As we began the journey up to our 5)respective floors, the elevator gave several sleepy 6)jerks.
“Hmm,” I remarked in response to the elevator’s 7)sluggishness, “The elevator seems a little 8)flaky.”Suddenly each elevator occupant, feeling 9)compelled to exhibit his or her 132-plus IQ, 10)pounced forth with a 11)thunderous explanation. “Oh, it’s obviously got poor rail-guide 12) alignment,” announced one. “The relay contact is not made up,” declared another. Suddenly I felt like a 13)grasshopper trapped in a 14)stereo speaker. I couldn’t wait to escape the attack of the mental giants.
Afterward, in the 15)solitude of my room, I thought back and reflected that the Mensans’ answers were, indeed, interesting. Why, then, did I have such an 16)adverse reaction? I realized it was too much, too soon. I was tired. Their high energy and 17)intensity 18)jarred my 19)sluggish state.
You see, small talk is not about facts, or words. It’s about music, about melody. Small talk is about putting people at ease. It’s about making comforting noises together, like cats purring, or children humming, or groups chanting. You must first match your listener’s mood.
Instead of jumping in with such intensity, the Mensans could have momentarily matched my 20)lethar-gic mood by saying “Yeah, it really is slow, isn’t it?” Had they then 21)prefaced their information with “Have you ever been curious about why an elevator is slow?” I would have responded with a sincere “Yes, I have.” After a moment of equalized energy levels, I would have welcomed their explanations about the rail-guard alignment, or whatever the 22)heck it was, and a friendship might have started.
I
Have you ever been relaxing when some overexcited, hot-breathed colleague starts pounding you with questions? Or the 23)reverse, you’re late, rushing to a meeting, when an 24)associate stops you and starts lazily narrating a long, 25)languorous story. No matter how interesting the tale, you don’t want to hear it now.
The first step in starting a conversation, without 26)strangling it too much, is to 27)tune in to your listener’s mood, and match it, if only for a sentence or two. When it comes to small talk, think music, not words. Is your listener 28)ada-gio or 29)allegro? Match that pace. I call it “Making a Mood Match.”
现在我们谈谈怎样顺利展开闲聊。使用“情绪配合法”这一技巧吧。
几年前，由智商排名全国前2%的能人智士所组成的社会团体——“门萨”组织——邀请我在他们的年会上担任主旨发言人。我不知道为什么会接到这个邀请，因为我甚至没有资格成为他们中的一员。
不管怎样，我到达现场的时候，他们的鸡尾酒宴会正在酒店的大堂如火如荼地进行着。办理了报到登记后，我曳着几个袋子穿过一大群酒欢笑语中的“门萨人”，来到电梯前。门开了，我走进满载乘客的电梯，里面都是准备去乐一把的人。当我们开始踏上通向各自楼层的行程时，电梯有气无力地颠簸了几下。
“嗯，”我对这笨拙的电梯评价了一句，“这电梯有点古怪。”顿时，电梯里的每个人都觉得好像必须一展他或她高达132以上的智商似的，给出了一鸣惊人的解释。一个人发话：“哦，明显是电梯的导轨对位不佳。”另一位则断言：“继电器触点没装好。”突然间，我感觉自己就像一只蝗虫掉进了立体声喇叭里。我只想马上逃离这些智慧巨人的围攻。
后来，当我一个人在自己房间里回想起这件事的时候，我发现“门萨人”的回答其实相当有趣。那么，为什么我那时会有反感呢？我意识到他们的反应太热烈，太迅速了。我当时很疲倦。这些活力充沛、热情高涨的答案刺激了我迟缓的脑袋。
你看，闲聊其实无关事实或者言语。它与音乐和旋律有关。闲聊是为了使人放松。闲聊其实就是一起制造舒缓情绪的噪音，像小猫咕噜，孩童哼吱，或者一群人在吟唱。你必须首先照顾听者的情绪。
“门萨人”不应该一下子迸出这么热情高涨的话语，而应及时配合我困倦的情绪，回应一句：“是啊，真的很慢，对不？”如果他们在解释之前先说一句：“你有没有想过电梯为什么会这么慢？”我会诚恳地回答：“有啊。”在这样短暂的能量对等的谈话之后，我会很欢迎他们对关于电梯导轨对位的解释，或者随便什么鬼话都好，而友谊之窗可能由此打开。
我相信大家都曾遭受过“情绪失配”而带来的侵扰。你曾否试过当你正在放松时，一个过分激动、气喘吁吁的同事以问题轮番轰炸你，你还能放轻松吗？又或者反过来，你正赶去参加一个会议，已经迟到了，一位同事却拦住你，开始懒洋洋地说一个冗长沉闷的故事。无论故事多么有趣，你那时都不想听。
如果不太想破坏一次交谈，那第一步就是要注意听者的情绪，并且作出配合，即使只是一两句话也好。闲聊的时候，要想想音乐，而不是用词。听者是属于慢板还是快板？配合其节奏。我把这称为“情绪配合法”。
Technique No. 10
Make a Mood Match
Before opening your mouth take a “voice sample” of your listener to detect his or her state of mind. Take a “psychic photograph” of the expression to see if your listener looks 30)buoyant, bored or 31)blitzed. If you ever want to bring people around to your thoughts, you must match their mood and tone of voice, if only for a moment.
技巧十
情绪配合法
开口之前，注意听者的声音，侦察他或她的心理状态。对他们的话进行心理分析，看一下他们是心情愉快、无聊，还是疲倦不堪。如果你想让身边的人与你同步思维，你必须配合他们的情绪和语气，即使只是那么一会儿也好。
文化交流站
世界第一智商俱乐部 Mensa
Mensa的由来
The word “Mensa” means “table” in Latin. The name stands for a round-table society, where race, color, creed[宗教信条], national origin, age, politics, educational or social background are irrelevant[不相关的]. Mensa was founded in England in 1946. Today there are some 100,000 Mensans in 100 countries throughout the world. There are active Mensa organizations in over 40 countries.
Mensan在乐什么？
Mensa meetings are anything but dull. Local groups meet at least monthly. Often it’s for dinner and drinks on a Friday night, or for get-togethers featuring a speaker or a lively, freewheeling[随心所欲的] discussion. There are also widely attended annual conventions offering workshops, seminars[讨论会] and parties, plus numerous regional gatherings are held each year.
想加入Mensa成为智团一成员？
直接点击其官方网站吧：http://www.mensa.org
Here’s how to start great small talk. Use the mood match technique.
Several years ago the Mensa organization, a social group of extremely bright individuals who score in the country’s top 2% in intelligence, invited me to be the keynote speaker at their annual convention. I don’t know why because I don’t even qualify to be in their group.
Anyway, their cocktail party was 2)in full swing in the lobby of the hotel as I arrived. After checking in, I 3)hauled my bags through the 4)horde of happy-hour Mensans to the elevator. The doors separated and I stepped into an elevator packed with party-goers. As we began the journey up to our 5)respective floors, the elevator gave several sleepy 6)jerks.
“Hmm,” I remarked in response to the elevator’s 7)sluggishness, “The elevator seems a little 8)flaky.”Suddenly each elevator occupant, feeling 9)compelled to exhibit his or her 132-plus IQ, 10)pounced forth with a 11)thunderous explanation. “Oh, it’s obviously got poor rail-guide 12) alignment,” announced one. “The relay contact is not made up,” declared another. Suddenly I felt like a 13)grasshopper trapped in a 14)stereo speaker. I couldn’t wait to escape the attack of the mental giants.
Afterward, in the 15)solitude of my room, I thought back and reflected that the Mensans’ answers were, indeed, interesting. Why, then, did I have such an 16)adverse reaction? I realized it was too much, too soon. I was tired. Their high energy and 17)intensity 18)jarred my 19)sluggish state.
You see, small talk is not about facts, or words. It’s about music, about melody. Small talk is about putting people at ease. It’s about making comforting noises together, like cats purring, or children humming, or groups chanting. You must first match your listener’s mood.
Instead of jumping in with such intensity, the Mensans could have momentarily matched my 20)lethar-gic mood by saying “Yeah, it really is slow, isn’t it?” Had they then 21)prefaced their information with “Have you ever been curious about why an elevator is slow?” I would have responded with a sincere “Yes, I have.” After a moment of equalized energy levels, I would have welcomed their explanations about the rail-guard alignment, or whatever the 22)heck it was, and a friendship might have started.
I
Have you ever been relaxing when some overexcited, hot-breathed colleague starts pounding you with questions? Or the 23)reverse, you’re late, rushing to a meeting, when an 24)associate stops you and starts lazily narrating a long, 25)languorous story. No matter how interesting the tale, you don’t want to hear it now.
The first step in starting a conversation, without 26)strangling it too much, is to 27)tune in to your listener’s mood, and match it, if only for a sentence or two. When it comes to small talk, think music, not words. Is your listener 28)ada-gio or 29)allegro? Match that pace. I call it “Making a Mood Match.”
现在我们谈谈怎样顺利展开闲聊。使用“情绪配合法”这一技巧吧。
几年前，由智商排名全国前2%的能人智士所组成的社会团体——“门萨”组织——邀请我在他们的年会上担任主旨发言人。我不知道为什么会接到这个邀请，因为我甚至没有资格成为他们中的一员。
不管怎样，我到达现场的时候，他们的鸡尾酒宴会正在酒店的大堂如火如荼地进行着。办理了报到登记后，我曳着几个袋子穿过一大群酒欢笑语中的“门萨人”，来到电梯前。门开了，我走进满载乘客的电梯，里面都是准备去乐一把的人。当我们开始踏上通向各自楼层的行程时，电梯有气无力地颠簸了几下。
“嗯，”我对这笨拙的电梯评价了一句，“这电梯有点古怪。”顿时，电梯里的每个人都觉得好像必须一展他或她高达132以上的智商似的，给出了一鸣惊人的解释。一个人发话：“哦，明显是电梯的导轨对位不佳。”另一位则断言：“继电器触点没装好。”突然间，我感觉自己就像一只蝗虫掉进了立体声喇叭里。我只想马上逃离这些智慧巨人的围攻。
后来，当我一个人在自己房间里回想起这件事的时候，我发现“门萨人”的回答其实相当有趣。那么，为什么我那时会有反感呢？我意识到他们的反应太热烈，太迅速了。我当时很疲倦。这些活力充沛、热情高涨的答案刺激了我迟缓的脑袋。
你看，闲聊其实无关事实或者言语。它与音乐和旋律有关。闲聊是为了使人放松。闲聊其实就是一起制造舒缓情绪的噪音，像小猫咕噜，孩童哼吱，或者一群人在吟唱。你必须首先照顾听者的情绪。
“门萨人”不应该一下子迸出这么热情高涨的话语，而应及时配合我困倦的情绪，回应一句：“是啊，真的很慢，对不？”如果他们在解释之前先说一句：“你有没有想过电梯为什么会这么慢？”我会诚恳地回答：“有啊。”在这样短暂的能量对等的谈话之后，我会很欢迎他们对关于电梯导轨对位的解释，或者随便什么鬼话都好，而友谊之窗可能由此打开。
我相信大家都曾遭受过“情绪失配”而带来的侵扰。你曾否试过当你正在放松时，一个过分激动、气喘吁吁的同事以问题轮番轰炸你，你还能放轻松吗？又或者反过来，你正赶去参加一个会议，已经迟到了，一位同事却拦住你，开始懒洋洋地说一个冗长沉闷的故事。无论故事多么有趣，你那时都不想听。
如果不太想破坏一次交谈，那第一步就是要注意听者的情绪，并且作出配合，即使只是一两句话也好。闲聊的时候，要想想音乐，而不是用词。听者是属于慢板还是快板？配合其节奏。我把这称为“情绪配合法”。
Technique No. 10
Make a Mood Match
Before opening your mouth take a “voice sample” of your listener to detect his or her state of mind. Take a “psychic photograph” of the expression to see if your listener looks 30)buoyant, bored or 31)blitzed. If you ever want to bring people around to your thoughts, you must match their mood and tone of voice, if only for a moment.
技巧十
情绪配合法
开口之前，注意听者的声音，侦察他或她的心理状态。对他们的话进行心理分析，看一下他们是心情愉快、无聊，还是疲倦不堪。如果你想让身边的人与你同步思维，你必须配合他们的情绪和语气，即使只是那么一会儿也好。
文化交流站
世界第一智商俱乐部 Mensa
Mensa的由来
The word “Mensa” means “table” in Latin. The name stands for a round-table society, where race, color, creed[宗教信条], national origin, age, politics, educational or social background are irrelevant[不相关的]. Mensa was founded in England in 1946. Today there are some 100,000 Mensans in 100 countries throughout the world. There are active Mensa organizations in over 40 countries.
Mensan在乐什么？
Mensa meetings are anything but dull. Local groups meet at least monthly. Often it’s for dinner and drinks on a Friday night, or for get-togethers featuring a speaker or a lively, freewheeling[随心所欲的] discussion. There are also widely attended annual conventions offering workshops, seminars[讨论会] and parties, plus numerous regional gatherings are held each year.
想加入Mensa成为智团一成员？
直接点击其官方网站吧：http://www.mensa.org